"What in Mordor is that…" Elrond crinkled his nose in distaste at the tacky pastel painting hanging above their bed. Of frolicking unicorns no less…he shivered in disgust. Since arriving in Valinor, this is what it had been like. Nothing but the endless tacky paintings…this one was the last straw.
"Well! I LIKE it…" Celebrian huffed, crossing her arms defensively, turning her nose up.
Elrond turned to face his wife, a serious look on his face, "Where exactly did you get this…work…of," he could barely say the word… "art?"
"Your mother gave it to me…" Celebrian replied haughtily, "she painted it herself."
The peredhil wrinkled his nose less obviously this time, thinking to himself, -By Eru, she's done it again…- At least it was in oils, and not in watercolors like the others. This one would make an impressive fire later…
He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily as he spoke…"You realize that I will not, CANNOT make love in this bed as long as that… thing is hanging there…"
Celebrian glared at him, whipping her silver hair behind her. "What ever you say, my darling…" she said, disbelieving him. The elf had a never-ending libido. Casually she left the room, like the conversation had never occurred, leaving Elrond alone with the painting.
One eye trained on the painting, Elrond searched the room with the other…then he spotted the scissors. Carefully picking them up off the table, he grinned as he tucked them into his robes for later use…
"Oh! Elwing…OH! MY ERU!" Celebrian screamed, her legs wrapped tightly around the older elleth's head as she pleasured the Lady of Rivendell. Elrond pressed his ear to the door, smirking broadly as he crept back to their rooms. She was occupied for the time being, and he could go work on his plan for later…
"Elrond!" The half-elf groaned as he heard his father-in-law's voice from behind him. He knew that if they were given even half a moment alone together where it would lead…
He turned, "Celeborn!" Light kiss, "Good day." He smiled.
In a low seductive voice, Celeborn responded, "I've been looking for you…" He allowed a finger to trace down the peredhil's front. He moved closer to kiss the Elrond…
"Not now!" Elrond pulled back, throwing the silver lord off balance… "I am on a mission…" he said mysteriously…
"Really," replied Celeborn, annoyed by Elrond turning him down.
"Come, I'll show you," Elrond clasped Celeborn's hand and led him to their bedroom. His eyes bugged out, and he stifled a snort when he saw the hideous painting…
"What in MORDOR is that!?" he cried out, half laughing, half choking on the laughter.
"THAT is what I am about to destroy…my mother painted it, and gave it to Celebrian." Replied Elrond. "Be thankful that is the only one you have seen. Elwing has been in the habit of giving us a new painting every week since I arrived in Valinor…"
"Are they all this ugly!?" Celeborn asked in awe, looking at his son- in-law in disbelief.
"Yes," he spoke gravely. Pulling his scissors from his robes, Elrond motioned for Celeborn to help him remove it from above the bed.
"Darling?" Celebrian walked cautiously into the pitch-black bedroom. Hearing soft snoring, she sighed in relief, having been afraid that he would have been awake, waiting to berate her some more over the painting…
Crawling into the bed she snuggled up against…a pillow? She sat up straight, only to feel someone's hand over her and mouth…
"Shhh, it is only me, my love," came Elrond's hot breath, tickling her ear. His arousal pressed against her hip as he leaned against the bed.
When he removed his hand, she whispered, "I thought you said you wouldn't make love…" Before she could finish she heard him chuckle as he blindfolded her with a rough stiff canvas-y material. Then he pulled her wrists behind her, binding them with the same material…
She gasped loudly and angrily as she realized what it was…"YOU DIDN'T!"
"Didn't do what," he chuckled again, pushing her onto her back.
She tried to move away, as she hissed at him. "You cut up my painting!"
"Well, I figured that I'd rather use it as a prop in our lovemaking than make love under it…" he replied, silencing her with a kiss.