Legolas held up the two white woven bags, one in each hand as he stared at the Elf who had been his father's butler for more years than Legolas had been alive.
"What in Mordor are these supposed to be?" He asked, wiggling the two soft tubular bags in his hands at the Elfservant.
"I call them 'socks."
"Sucks?" Legolas laughed, raising an eyebrow.
"No…SOCKS. Clean out your ears."
"Insolent butler," Legolas said fondly.
"Disrespectful Elfling," Galion replied, equally as warmly. "I had them made to keep your feet warm in your boots. Think of them as under-tunics for your toes."
"Ah…under-tunics…toes…I should have known just by looking at them," Legolas laughed, earning him a swat on the arm from the butler.
"Kindly keep a civil tongue in your head, and say 'thank you, Galion, you are most thoughtful."
"Thank you, Galion, you are most thoughtful," Legolas parroted, earning him yet another swat. Sitting on the bed, he picked up one foot, he slipped the 'sock' over it, noticing immediately the soft warmth they provided. "Actually, Galion, these are brilliant! Thank you," he said, meaning it this time.
"You are quite welcome, Legolas. Oh, by the way, you have visitors downstairs…shall I send them up or would you prefer that I have them both shot?"
"Oh, no…" Legolas said, his hand rising to cover his mouth.
"Yes, both the March Warden of Lorien and the Shieldmaiden of Rohan have come to call, my Loård…quite frankly, both were sorely distressed to find the other here at the same time. It's been all we could do to keep them from ripping each other apart and making a quite a ghastly mess of the Great Hall."
Legolas groaned as he received the news that both his lovers had arrived together and he moaned, remembering the last time. It had ended badly with a black eye for Haldir, and Eowyn missing a rather large handful of her hair. Since then he had been very careful to keep the two of them far away from each other.
"He will like it, I tell you!"
"How could anyone LIKE that monstrosity?"
"It is not a monstrosity…it is ART!"
"YOU are a moron!"
"YOU are a witless tart!"
"Oomph!"
"OUCH!"
Angry voices carried up the stairs to Legolas' room, and he and Galion exchanged a glance before both trying to fly through the door at the same time.
Coming to the landing, both stopped dead in their tracks as they surveyed the scene below them.
Haldir had a handful of Eowyn's thick blonde hair in one fist, while his other hand held her head down and away from him, her arms swinging wildly trying to connect with his flesh.
Around Haldir's neck was a square piece of canvas, a gaping hole in the middle through which Haldir's head now poked. Legolas could see the swirling blue and gold abstract design that had once graced it…his favorite colors.
"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Legolas roared. "You both claim to love me, but neither of you is willing to even try to get along with each other, even though you know how much it would mean to me. I am disgusted with the both of you! That's it! It is over!" Legolas cried, spinning on his socked heel and returning to his room, slamming the door so hard he cracked the jamb.
Eowyn stopped in midswing, Haldir's hand still on her head, although he dropped the hank of hair he had fisted, both staring at the closed door of Legolas' room, and the furious butler who stood on the landing looking down at them. Their frozen tableau would have been quite comical if not for the sounds of Legolas' weeping.
"Are you both quite satisfied, now? Never in all my life have I seen two such dull-witted, insensitive, moronic, despicable, irritating individuals as yourselves! You've both caused him more tears that you can imagine. Neither one of you deserves him," Galion lectured, his stern voice carrying through the Hall, his eyes boring holes in the ashamed duo downstairs.
"He…"
"I…"
"Oh, shut up, the both of you!" Galion shouted, cutting them both off. "I should have you both dragged to the borders and banned from Greenwood forever, but, considering his feelings for you, I will give you both one more chance to make amends. March up here and make him see that you can get along, or it will be the absolute LAST time you ever see the inside of this Cavern."
"What do you want?" Legolas asked, wiping the tears from his eyes as he looked up at his two contrite lovers.
"To show you that we can get along. What can we do to prove ourselves to you?" Haldir asked, picking up Legolas' hand and kissing it.
"Please tell us what to do, my love," Eowyn said from the other side of the bed, holding his other hand.
Legolas considered the two of them for a moment before answering. "Make love to each other. I will watch…and you had better not be faking it!" he instructed, rising from the bed and moving to a chair across the room.
Haldir and Eowyn looked at each other, mild disgust on both their faces, before stripping their clothes off and falling onto the bed. Legolas repressed a smile as he watched them roll about on the mattress, both struggling for dominance over the other, but managing to make each other gasp in pleasure none-the-less. Toward the end, Legolas could not stand watching any longer. He jumped into the fray, sinking his throbbing erection into Eowyn's folds, allowing Haldir to fill him from behind. The three rocked themselves into a wild orgasm before collapsing on the sheets in a tangle.
"You see? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Legolas smiled from the middle of the Eowyn/Haldir sandwich.
"Your foot is up my arse, Silvan!"
"Your elbow is in my ear, witch!"
"Oomph!"
"OUCH!"
Legolas sighed, thinking that some things never change.
The End.