"What is that?"
"What does it look like? It's a unicorn."
"It's a horse with an erection on its head."
"That is not an erection…it's a horn! Really, Elrond, you have a one track mind," Celebrian demurred, shaking her golden head at her intended. She put aside the canvas and watercolors, reaching for the dark haired Peredhil who had sat down next to her on the grassy hill where she had chosen to work that morning.
"It looks like an erection. Look at how you have him staring at the mare…he wants her."
"Elrond! Really, if Ada should happen to hear you speak in such a manner…" Celebrian giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.
"I still say it's an erection. I know just how he feels, too…see?" Elrond smiled, trying to pull Celebrian's hand down to his crotch. Her laughter bubbled over, and, although she pulled her hand away, the rest of her leaned against his chest. His arms enfolded her, and together they sat and watched the golden leaves of the silver-trunked mallorns flutter in the gentle breeze.
"Truly, Cel, I would take you right here, under this very tree, if I thought for one moment that your mother would not see it in her mirror."
"Elrond! The things you say…" Celebrian replied softly, a smile lighting her features, "besides, Nana and Ada will be busy with their Gondolindrim visitors today…"
A slow, broad smile crept across Elrond's handsome face, and, cocking an eyebrow lasciviously at Celebrian, he twisted his body, pushing her down on the grass, his lips attacking hers.
It was just as he had pushed her skirts up to her waist, his fingers happily exploring the cleft between them, her right nipple caught between his teeth, that Elwing, who was visiting from the Gray Havens, stumbled upon them.
One look from the Sindar was enough to send Elrond dashing off through the wood, and Celebrian to burst into tears. Kneeling beside the weeping Elleth, Elwing dipped her head, whispering, "Do not cry, Little One…I know how it is to have to wait…" before taking the same nipple Elrond had been nibbling on into her mouth, her tongue teasing Celebrian's frown into a small smile.
Elrond stood with his eyes downcast in the presence of his future father-in-law as Celeborn continued to thoroughly chastise him for trying to take advantage of his daughter before their bonding ceremony.
"Tell me the truth, Elrond…have you broached my daughter's innocence?" Celeborn demanded, his odd, piercing silver eyes glaring directly into Elrond's soul.
"I swear to you My Lord, that I have not!" Elrond cried, neglecting to tell Celeborn that it was not for lack of trying on his part.
"Elrond, my daughter's virginity may seem a small thing, but in our culture it is the price paid often for peace."
Elrond looked up at the Silver Lord, confused. "I do not understand, My Lord."
"I told you that you must not attempt intercourse with my daughter until after the ceremony, did I not?" Celeborn asked impatiently.
"Yes, of course…"
"Why do you think I would put such a restriction on two grown Elves? What purpose do you think that would serve, if not political?"
"I am still not understanding, My Lord."
Celeborn sighed, shaking his head at his future son-in-law's inability to grasp subtleties. "Celebrian's innocence has been promised to Ecthelion of Gondolin, Elrond, in return for continued peace between our kin."
"WHAT?" Elrond shouted, every fiber in his being suddenly electrified. "That is ridiculous…she is mine!"
"You are wrong, Elrond. Until the bonding ceremony, she is mine. She will be yours…except for that one small thing."
"I will not allow such a trade!"
"You have no choice…as a matter of fact, Ecthelion is claiming his gift as we speak. In addition, there is the matter of your punishment for seeking to take what is mine before it was given to you."
Elrond fought with himself trying assimilate the horrid information Celeborn had just imparted, and didn't quite hear the last sentence the Silver Lord spoke.
"Elrond…" Celeborn called, trying to get the Peredhil's attention once again. "Elrond!"
"Yes, My Lord? You must pardon me…I…I cannot…"
"I understand, Elrond. I know it makes you angry…angry and hurt. But, I am sorry, but it cannot be avoided. Neither can your punishment. Take down your leggings and get down on your knees, Elrond," Celeborn commanded, using a tone of voice Elrond had only heard him use only once - when an elf had committed a serious transgression against Lorien.
"My leggings…my knees, My Lord? Would you further shame me by having me beg your forgiveness?"
"No, Elrond. You sought to steal something that still belongs to me, and in doing so nearly destroyed a treaty that I have carefully negotiated. Your punishment must be equal to that of what you wished to steal. You sought to steal my daughter's innocence, therefore, in reparation, I will have yours. Quickly, Elrond…the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get on with our lives," Celeborn answered, impatiently, his own fingers deftly untying the knots that held his leggings closed.
Elrond, staring hard at Celeborn's stiff organ that now protruded from his opened leggings, paled visibly, finally understanding his punishment. He dropped his own leggings, and fell to his knees, humbled, contrite, and not a little bit frightened. He watched Celeborn apprehensively, losing sight of the Lord of Lorien as he walked behind Elrond.
When, without warning or preparation, Celeborn claimed Elrond's virginity, Elrond's screams echoed off the white-washed walls of Celeborn's chambers.
Later that afternoon, Elrond and Celebrian sat, both rather gingerly, side by side, on the same grassy knoll they had met on earlier that day. Neither was a virgin any longer, but, as they took comfort in each other, they realized that that one little thing hardly mattered at all.