B O A R D R O O M – T R U M P B U I L D I N G

“I’d like to welcome you all here to my building and my boardroom and my show. This season, we’re going to be playing things a little different.” The Donald stands up from his seat as the doors open, with a lady, a troll, and an orc in professional attire and lovely hats enter with a goat. “This season, I am handing my show over to Dr. Zhie for one night, for a special weekend series of segments called ‘The Muse’. All of you will have a chance to try to become ‘The Muse’. And now, I turn this meeting over to Dr. Zhie. Doctor?”

Dr. Zhie adjusts her glasses and nods as she sits down in The Donald’s chair, the cave troll to her right and the orc to the left. “First, I would like to welcome you all to ‘The Muse’ and thank you for applying for the position. Second, I would like to introduce my associates. To my left, my co-worker, Stanley, the dental hygienist Orc. Stanley is one of the dental hygienists at the clinic that I own and work at. You may have noted that he has very nice teeth.”

Flashing a smile, Stanley says, “Always brush twice a day.” All of the elves on the other side of the table ooh and aah at the brightness of his smile, and at his extremely good taste in fashionable attire.

“On my right, Martha. Martha is the security cave troll for our clinic, and also a world-famous disco dancer.”

Martha stops making moomoo eyes at the elves long enough to nod and say, “It’s an honor to have been asked to aid the doctor in this quest. May the best elf- or thing,” she says, noting Grima Wormtongue as he wriggles his fingers in a wave and winks at her, “be hired.”

“You all know the rules. Over the course of this weekend, you will have various tasks that your team must complete. The success and failure of your tasks will determine your chances of becoming MY muse. By this time Sunday, I will have fired all but one of you. Before we begin the competition, let’s go around the table, and each of you, please introduce yourself, tell the audience at home where you’re from, and what you were doing when I found you to offer you this unique opportunity.” Dr. Zhie nods to the first elf.

“Lord Celeborn is how I am respectfully regarded by my peers. I hail originally from Doriath, but live now in Lothlorien where I rule the realm with my lovely wife, Galadriel.” The silver-haired elf waves to the camera. “Hi, honey! I’m on television!”

All three of the judges exchange unamused glances. “And, where was it that we met?”

“Oh, yes.” Celeborn nods. “This past Tuesday, I was at the local Val-u-Mart, picking up some ‘lady things’ for the wife, personal items, mostly – the usual, for that time of the-“

“We met in the express checkout lane,” prompts the doctor. A few of the other elves at the table as shaking their heads at the unprofessional manner of this contestant.

“Right, we met in the express line, just as I was setting the extra large jar of-“

“Thank you. Potential muse number two, please introduce yourself,” Dr. Zhie says quickly.

Standing up, the elf bows to the camera as if with great reverence and then sits down again. “I am Erestor, chief advisor to Lord Elrond. My home is in the great realm of Rivendell.” Pushing his long, dark hair over his shoulder, Erestor adds, “I was presented with this unique opportunity while stomping grapes for wine for the Festival of the Valar in the Imladrin gardens. The doctor was kind enough to invite me, seeing my potential and perseverance as a muse.” Giving a bow of his head to the panel of judges, he says, “I thank you for your consideration.”

“Is that the incident you were telling me about?” Rumil whispers to Lord Elrond at the other end of the table.

“What incident?” Elrond whispers back.

“With the Valar and the grapes, and the wine barrels springing sudden leaks and The One being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Oh, yes! Grape Eru!” Lord Elrond and Rumil chuckle for a moment, not unseen by the panel, who have continued to the next elf.

“-and when I’m not at ballet class or chasing butterflies,” Legolas continues, “I can often be found break dancing for spare change, as was the case on Monday when Dr. Zhie approached me at the corner of 34th and Vine.” Grinning, Legolas pulls some change out of his pocket. “She gave me three whole quarters! Look! Shiny!” he says, showing Orophin, who is beside him, and then Erestor on the other side before turning them in the light to admire them himself.

Smiling suavely, Orophin leans forward diplomatically with his hands folded before him. “Good morning, and may I take this opportunity to say you ladies look simply ravishing today? And Stanley- love the tie, really, it’s your color, all the way.”

“Really? I thought it was a little too green,” Stanley says, looking down at the cloth.

“Green is SO your color.”

“Everyone says black is my color,” Stanley says, a little warily.

Orophin nods. “Green is this year’s black.” He continues to nod and says, “My name is Orophin, guardian of her majesty’s-“ He rolls his eyes when he hears Celeborn clear his throat. “Guardian of THEIR majestys’ Golden Woods.” He signals with his hands and silently mouths some things so as to generally disagree with what he just said. “Living in Lothlorien is tough, but has its perks. Such as, just last week, I had enough time to see the new Star Wars movie, so I hopped on line to find tickets. Luckily, while in the StarWarzLuvrz Afternet Chat, I was asked by the lovely and talented Dr. Zhie if I would be interested in this opportunity. So, here I am.”

Nodding, Dr. Zhie makes a motion to the next participant, who stops leering longingly at Martha and smoothes back his greasy hair. “My name is Grima, Grima Wormtongue. Or Mr. Wormtongue. Or Mr. Sexy. It’s all fine with me, ba-bee.” Dr. Zhie moves back slightly in her chair, and Stanley keeps his narrowed eyes on the muse. “I am a former citizen of Rohan, looking for something to do with my spare time. Only just recently, I was unfortunately on a plane that crashed onto an island, where we were all lost. Lost!” he shouts for emphasis. “Lost we were, on that island, after the plane crash- but somehow, I went into the jungle and ran into Dr. Zhie, who was on a goat-discovery-expedition. And now, I am here.”

“Glorfindel. Of Gondolin, of Rivendell- I live to serve, and serve where needed,” explains the golden-haired elf. “The day that Dr. Zhie and I were gameshow contestants, meeting backstage at the Price is Right, I knew that there was a higher calling for me than saving hobbits and slaying balrogs. Big Money! No Whammies!”

“That’s ‘Press Your Luck’,” corrects Lord Elrond beside him.

“No, that’s my battle cry when I’m on a gameshow. What’s ‘Press Your Luck’?” questions Glorfindel skeptically.

Instead of answering, Elrond says, “I am Lord Elrond, ruler of Rivendell, land of the valley. I have many qualities that would make me an excellent muse, and-“

“Apparently, listening isn’t one of them,” interrupts Dr. Zhie.

“Beg your pardon?” Elrond tries to make his eyebrows as scary as possible.

“Please, just tell the audience where we met.”

“Ah.” Elrond begins to study the table, as if mostly disinterested in what is going on. “Last week, I was at Victoria’s Secret, trying on a new corset and heels when Dr. Zhie accidentally thought that the changing room I was in was free. Turning what may have been an awkward situation into a brighter one, she invited me here.”

Beside him, another silvery-haired elf sits. “I am Rumil, humble warden of the Northern Fences of Lothlorien. While competing yesterday at a Rumba dance competition, Dr. Zhie explained to me that she was going to be having something of a competition herself this weekend, and I was more than happy to try my luck at it.”

At the very end of the table sits one final elf. He clears his throat and states, “My name is Haldir, and I, too, am a march warden in the woods of Lorien. I am happy to be here.”

After a pause, Dr. Zhie prompts, “Please, tell everyone where we met.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary-“ begins Haldir, but Zhie shakes her head.

“Actually, it’s very necessary – see this list here? This is from Kath, and even though I have to only have met my Dream Elf ™ in one of the following ways, since I don’t yet know who that is, I need for you to explain to the audience where we met.” Down at the other end of the table, a few of the other muses are all nodding in the general direction of Lord Celeborn in answer to Zhie’s question.

“Fine.” Haldir huffs and says as quickly and quietly as possible, “I was at the McDonald’s drive thru this morning and when I passed her delicious meal to her, Dr. Zhie mentioned that she still needed an extra muse for this thing, and since it paid more than my shift did, I came. Hey, a guy needs to get a second job where he can find work, right? It’s not easy for a bachelor like myself to keep up with the demands of my fans. Legolas, surely you understand,” he adds, looking down the table.

Continuing to admire his three shiny quarters, Legolas says, “Nope. They bring ME presents. Butterflies… tulle… shiny things… tulle… shiny things… shiny things… oooh, shiny…”

Haldir sighs. “Figures.”

“Now that you have all properly introduced yourselves, using up a total of 1,685 words thus far of the allotted 5,000 it is now time for me to explain the rules. Rule one, I make the rules. Rule two, I change the rules when I want to. Rule three, if you have issue with this, I have no problem taking my size eleven shoe to your-“

“Great Eru!” burst out Elrond. “Is that your shoe size?”

Glaring at Lord Elrond, Dr. Zhie straightens her jacket. “I’ve been more patient than most authors would be, but this is the final straw. Elrond, you’ve been nothing but rude and disrespectful the entire time you’ve been at the table. Elrond- y’fired,” she says, using The Donald’s signature hand gesture. Elrond shrugs with indifference and leaves the table.

“There’s a sale at Frederick’s of Hollywood this weekend that I didn’t want to miss anyhow,” he says as he exits the room.

“Anyone else?” There is silence at the table. “Fine, then. If there are no questions, we shall go to the lobby where you will receive your first challenge.”

M A I N H A L L

“As I explained during the break,” says Zhie, “ ‘Haldir Lovers’ is one of the original elf yahoo groups I was part of. Right now, they’re having a limerick challenge.”

“Psst, Zhie!” hisses Martha. “This is supposed to have happened years ago for you to have a need to hire muses,” reminds Martha, minding her lovely and fashionable hat.

Zhie nods. “Being that this is my story, I’m taking certain liberties. Trump didn’t have a show back then either, so we just have to improvise here and there.” Addressing the group of muses again, she says, “Now, you will each be broken into teams, and you will have the next hour to discuss and create a limerick worth posting to the Haldir Lovers list.”


C O N F E S S I O N A L C A M E R A

Erestor has his head buried in his hands. “I hate my team. If I hear ‘and then I slayed the balrog’ once more, I’ll send him back to Mandos.”

-Cut to Legolas-

“This mirror,” says the prince, preening, “is really, really tiny.” He squints and nearly presses his nose to the camera lens. “I can barely see my reflection!”

-Cut to a Butt-

A round, glowing ass is mooning the camera. A tattoo that reads ‘Queen of the Desert’ can be seen on the right cheek.

-Cut to Glorfindel-

“I think our team is the best team.” Glorfindel nods. “We have the two smartest elves, and I’ve got the sexiness and that balrog thing going for me- I think Erestor really, really enjoys that story. He smiled very widely the entire time, like his face was just frozen in delight…”

-Cut to Orophin-

Stomping around, Orophin throws his arms in the air. “Greek Ewoks? Greek Ewoks?! I swear, Haldir doesn’t listen to a THING I say-“

-Cut to Rumil-

“Look at this.” He points to a pimple on his chin, pouting. “I’ve never had anything like this before. I think I caught it from that Grima fellow. I do hope I don’t get any on my-“

-Cut to Celeborn-

“Is it just me, or does anyone else get a queer thought when they look at my teammates?”

-Cut to Haldir-

“So, then I asked, you mean, Zorba the Wookie? I thought his head was going to explode…”

-Cut to another Butt-

A very pale moon is out, as a large rear-end is smushed against the camera, giving the viewer a close-up of all of the craters and pus-filled-


M A I N S T A G E --- H A L D I R L O V E R S

“Our first group consists of Lord Celeborn, Lord Glorfindel, and Lord Erestor.” The assembled members clap as Stanley hands the microphone to the trio, who stands at the center of the stage.

“There once was a Gondolin elf,” begins Erestor. “Who thought very highly of himself.”

“I could have been king!” declared Glorfindel. “Of me, minstrels sing!”

“But we banned his B. S. from the book shelf,” finished Celeborn.

“B.S.?” questions Stanley as they hand the microphone back and head offstage.

“Balrog Story,” Erestor whispers, and places a finger to his lips, giving Stanley a warning look.

As the applause dies down, Haldir and Orophin run up onto the stage. Orophin holds the microphone while Haldir recites:

There once was an elf from Lothlorien
Everyone there was adorin’ him
He was hung like a horse
So it was not long, of course
Before ellith from afar began pourin’ in.

As some hoots and whoops are heard amid the clapping, the last group begins walking onstage. Suddenly, Legolas elbows Grima, then subdues him by shoving him against a tree and holding him prisoner at arrow-point. Haldir are Orophin look around in confusion as Rumil grabs the microphone and then shouts into it:

There once was a slime ball named Grima
That no one would ever dream of
He looks really slimy
And besides that- blimey!
We’ve proof he owns the tiniest wiener!

There is some booing, but mostly laughter. Up against a tree, Grima is holding back his tears, his lip trembling slightly. “That wasn’t the one we practiced,” he whispers, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

“Hush, slime-boy, or I’ll make a pin cushion out of you,” warns Legolas.

Off to the side, Dr. Zhie is shaking her head. Neither she nor Stanley look amused.


B A C K A T T H E B O A R D R O O M

“First, I’d like to say, I’m disappointed with one teams’ inability to work together. Martha is right in that other room right now, right as we speak,” Dr. Zhie says, having to speak louder and louder to be heard. “She’s in there right now, comforting poor Grima. He’s very sad.”

“Oh, Martha!” comes a cooing voice from the other room.

“Practically inconsolable,” adds the doctor.

“Oh, Grima! You’re so… so… manly…”

“Terrible thing you did to his mental health.” Zhie is practically screaming to be heard from the pounding of a… something… against the wall.

“Show me how they ride in Rohan!”

T W O M I N U T E S T E N S E C O N D S L A T E R. . .

“As I was saying,” Dr. Zhie says, pouring herself a glass of cool, refreshing, uncarbonated coffee, “I am very disappointed, but in light of the situation, it makes me not feel quite so bad for what I am about to do. Rumil, Legolas – you’re both fired.”

Rumil shrugs and gets up to leave. He reaches the door and notes that Legolas is still sitting in his seat. “Hey, Legolas, shake a leg, will you?”

Legolas shrugs and then begins to violently convulse as he attempts to shake his leg while sitting. Rolling his eyes, Rumil walks over and yanks him from his seat.

“Rumil, why did we have to wait for two minutes and ten seconds?” questions Legolas as the doors are closing behind them.

“I’ll tell you in the car,” mumbles Rumil as silence reigns in the boardroom again.

“Congratuations, those of you who have made it. You have a more difficult task ahead of you. We shall reassemble at Halla Quenta in one hour after a potty and cheesecake break. Please, wash your hands in between your designated breaks,” she reminds them.

“Cheesecake?” pipes up a voice from the next room. A moment later, the wall is broken in by Martha, who is headed now out the boardroom door to the lounge.

“I could use a potty break.” Stepping through the troll-sized opening, Grima walks through the boardroom, leaving in his wake a group of wide-eyed gape-mouthed elves.

Dr. Zhie, her head resting now on the top of the board table whimpers to Stanley, “Please make sure he gets some clothes on BEFORE he goes into HQ.”

“I don’t know what sort of proof Rumil and Legolas thought they had,” whispers Orophin to Haldir, “but DAMN.”

“Eh,” shrugs Glorfindel as everyone begins to leave. “I’ve seen bigger. Anyone else ever been under a balrog looking up before?”


H A L L A Q U E N T A L O U N G E

“I’ve always felt very comfortable here at Halla Quenta,” explains Zhie. “I lurked here in the olden days, and more recently have been posting more and more. And I think it’s a lovely name. It’s probably my favorite group to say, it simply rolls off the tongue.” She pauses, but when none of the muses comes up with a witty retort, simply shrugs and continues. “They have a current challenge going on – ‘To Catch An Elf’. Each team must present a concept to me regarding this topic and what I should write. You have two hours. Good luck.”

C O N F E S S I O N A L C A M E R A

Erestor has his head turned and is staring at the mooning going on behind him. Grima is shaking his nude booty about singing ‘All-Star’ very badly. With big sad eyes, Erestor looks to the camera and says, “I miss the balrog.”

-Cut to Celeborn-

“Have any of you had a wiff of Haldir?” He leans in closer. “He smells of processed meats and French fry grease- Great Eru! Is that my pocket protector?” He bends down out of the camera and comes back up with something small and leather. “Hmm, no... looks like a wallet... “ He looks around over both shoulders, then tucks it in his robes.

-Cut to Orophin-

“... and I was like, so? Ecthelion killed four. Even Gandalf killed one once, and he’s nearsighted!”


H A L L A Q U E N T A R O O F T O P B A R

Dr. Zhie, flanked by Stanley and Martha, steps behind the bar to face the group of six remaining muses. “Teams, I suspect you’ve had the time now to discuss your answers. Erestor and Grima, what have you come up with?”

Grima and Erestor bow their heads and speak to each other for a moment, nodding. “A love story,” says Erestor, nodding. “With smut, a lot of smut, but tasteful smut. Some poetry, setting in Valinor. The first meeting of an old elf and a young elleth, and how they became lovers. It should probably star me,” he adds as seemingly an afterthought.

Nodding, Dr. Zhie motions to Orophin and Glorfindel. “What have the two of you come up with?”

“An in depth look at life in Lorien. Concentrating on Elving as a pastime,” explains Orophin. “A bunch of young ellith go out Elving for the first time. Ellith gone wild. Zanniness ensues.”

The group behind the bar nods, but as Zhie is about to move on to the last pair, Orophin snickers and adds, “It was that or a story about a Balrog Slayer and his inability to get laid because of his inability to stop telling a certain Balrog story, but then, we need to keep the audience awake.”

Glorfindel swallows hard and picks up his drink, half-hiding his embarrassment behind his glass.

With a small sigh, Dr. Zhie moves on to the third group. Folding his hands before him on the counter, Haldir says, “It’s about an elf who falls into modern times and is forced to take a minimum wage job at a fastfood restaurant.”

“And?” prods Zhie after a few moments of silence.

“And...” Haldir bites his lip. “And... zaniness ensues?” He breathes with relief when Dr. Zhie gives a smile and nods, but it is short-lived as Celeborn whack him in the arm.

“I told you we should have gone with Elf Lord leaves his realm and runs away to join the circus!” scolds Celeborn.

“Your proposal sucked,” hisses Haldir. “You made me team leader, I made the decision.”

Strumming his fingers on the table, and making sure Zhie has left, Celeborn spits out, “Bitch.”

“Your nana,” counters Haldir just as quickly.

“His mother? Have you met his wife?” snickers Orophin.

Erestor, Grima, and Glorfindel sneak off just in time before the zaniness ensues...



B O A R D R O O M

Staring long and hard at everyone across the table, Dr. Zhie finally leans back in her chair. “Just because I’m not there to see it happen doesn’t mean I don’t know it didn’t happen. I don’t think I even have to say it. But I will. Name calling can be overlooked, but what happened to the butterflies, elephant, and dancing monkey was unforgivable. Orophin, you’re fired.”

“Sucks to be me. Ta.” He skips out of the room without a second thought, an odd monkey-head hat on his head.

“I’d also like to say that I recently took a look at the confessional tapes.” Everyone in the room tenses up. “Not good. Not good at all.”

Grima simply sighs, gets up, and leaves the room. Martha bounds after him, calling out sweet words and unmentionable phrases pertaining to his anatomy and richly foods one might eat off of certain fleshy parts of the body.

Shaking her head, Dr. Zhie turns her attention to another of the muses. “Celeborn? A wallet? You had to steal a wallet?”

“Galadriel is very strict with my allowance money. If I don’t clean my room-“

Dr. Zhie narrows her eyes. “Celeborn, you’re-“

“I know, I know.” Grumbling, he shoves back his chair and leaves the room. A moment later he pops back in. “Do I get severance pay for this?”

“OUT!” Dr. Zhie motions for Stanley to guard the door – a moot point, considering the large, troll-sized hole in the other side of the room. “Alright. There is one final- Haldir? Where are you going?”

Pulling on a hat that says ‘Did Somebody Say McDonalds?’ on it, Haldir clips on a nametag. “My shift starts in twenty minutes. Gotta get to my window- my boss is such a bitch when I’m late.” He heads past Stanley and out of the room.

“Well.” Zhie looks between the remaining muses. “And then there were two. Our final test will be taking place in Little Balrog tomorrow at noon. May the best muse win.”

Glorfindel and Erestor shake hands before leaving the boardroom.



L I T T L E B A L R O G

“Little Balrog was founded by Maggie and I years ago as a place to chat and keep each other updated on stories. Alas, I began writing too much and she went back to Buffy smut,” says Zhie. “Here’s the concept of the last test. I’m doing the animated videos for the My Precious Awards on Elven Lords. I need you both to come up with the most exotic thing you would be willing to do to help me out. You have ten seconds to write it down. Ready?”

Each of the muses is handed a small slate board and a piece of chalk. Glorfindel carefully thinks his words out, while Erestor scratches and scribbles and erases a bit before time is called.

“Erestor, since you’re alphabetically, in my alphabet at least, first, please show us your answer,” says Zhie.

Erestor turns the slate around to reveal the words [Erotic Pole Dancing]. “I’m very flexible,” he explains. “And dexterous.”

Dr. Zhie nods and turns to Glorfindel.

[Dress in Drag] is written on the board. “I can still look sexy and tough even while wearing fishnets.”

“Hmm...” Zhie looks back and forth between the two of them a few times, then shakes her head. “I just... I can’t decide. We’re going to have to have a tie-breaker.” Dr. Zhie motions to someone off camera. “Bring in the virgins and the pie. And the zebra.”

{We’ll return to ‘The Muse: Lord of the Rings edition’ right after this commercial break}

A car drives up to an order board for McDonalds. Rumil and Legolas are looking through the selections thoughtfully. “Boy, I really want something filling, but on a warden’s salary, it’s tough to find something that won’t break the bank,” Rumil says.

“How about the new McDeals menu?” suggests Legolas, pointing to the column at the right. “We could grab some delicious McLembas, and wash it down with a couple of McMirovur shakes!”

Scene cuts to Haldir at the drive thru window as the car drives off. “It’s McFood, McFast. Did somebody say McDonalds?”

Suddenly, Galadriel appears behind him, in her McManager McUniform. “No, you laze! I said, clean up that mess out in the play area, and drop another batch of fries.” Haldir rolls his eyes as Galadriel walks away and the logo flashes on the screen.


{We now return to ‘The Muse: Lord of the Rings edition’.}

Sitting in the middle of a big bed, with Glorfindel cuddled up to one side and Erestor to the other, Zhie blows thoughtfully on her bubble pipe. “I am still just not really sure.” Taking a bite of chocolate pie as Erestor carefully offers it to her, she shakes her head. “Nope, still not sure.” She holds up her hand as Glorfindel holds up a finger covered in whipped cream to her lips, but then shrugs and licks it off. “No, that didn’t help. Maybe we did that wrong… someone bring more pie!” she calls out.

{We’ll return to ‘The Muse: Lord of the Rings edition’ right after this commercial break}

The images of hot, sexy elves, sitting around on plush couches and beds holding teddy bears like they’re at a sleepover are shown. The phone number 1-800-ELLON-50 is flashing on the bottom.

“We’re hot, and we’re fifty or older,” proclaims a scantily clad, muscular male. “We want you to call.”

A leering elf closes his eyes and shyly says, “I just reached my majority. Call me now.”

“We want you to climb our trees,” drawls one of the elves, who seems to have forgotten to take off his McDonalds hat since the last commercial. “Pick up the phone and give us a call.” As the fade out happens, one of the elves asks quietly, “What’s a phone?”

{Are you done yet, Zhie?}

“Hmm? Oh, yes, we’re on again.” Dr. Zhie licks the cream off of Erestor’s nose and nipples as Glorfindel wipes the remaining pie from his mouth. “Alright. I’ve decided.”

“Yes?” both muses ask expectantly.

Zhie sighs. “I can’t decide. I suppose I’ll just have to keep you both.” Overhead, Glorfindel and Erestor high-five each other. “Of course, you’re going to have to pretend you’re gay.”

“Gay?”

“What?”

“Why?” they ask at the same time.

Zhie clears her throat as she scoops up the rest of the pie from the nearly empty tin on a piece of errant crust. “Well, first off, I’m married. So, really, it’s a matter of keeping up appearances. Secondly, I’m stashing my sister’s muse at my place, and my husband wasn’t all too happy on that to begin with. Last thing he needs is three alpha-male elves walking around.”

“I can keep up the act, I suppose,” shrugs Erestor.

Glorfindel nods. “Shouldn’t be too hard to pretend. We still get to have our wicked way with you, right?”

“Do you get to have your wicked way with me? That’s like asking, is there pie left,” Zhie answered. Glorfindel tips the empty pie tin and pouts. Snapping her fingers, Dr. Zhie calls out, “More pie! Pronto!” Turning to the camera, and keeping the blanket from falling too far down, she says, “That’s all for this season of ‘The Muse: Lord of the Rings edition’. Thanks for watching, and goodn—oo, lemon meringue…” she trails off as a cart of pies is wheeled over. The screen dims to show the logo.

*end*