“That was the stupidest thing you have ever done – second only to sleeping with that whore from Doriath,” spat out Ecthelion.
Dinner sat on the tray near the door as Glorfindel sat on a chair meekly nodding now and then. When the subject of Gildor was broached, Glorfindel’s head snapped up and there was fire in his eyes.
“He is not a whore,” ground out the blond warrior, narrowing his eyes. “It is not his profession and he does not sleep with everyone.”
“Fine, maybe not a whore, but he is a slut. He beds anything male that will spread his legs for him. Wise up, Fin, he does not love you.” Ecthelion’s harsh words made Glorfindel’s anger boil up from within, and he looked to Erestor for help and guidance.
Sprawled out on the sofa, the dark ellon frowned and said apologetically, “He is telling you the truth, Glorfindel. I have heard rumors about your lover and his other conquests, even within our own realm.”
“How can you believe rumors?” questioned Glorfindel. “You as well as anyone should know how untruthful gossip can be!”
The force of Ecthelion’s hand connecting with Glorfindel’s cheek sent the stunned blond back further in his seat. “Rumors which never would have started had you not slept with that whore!” Ecthelion kicked the leg of a table as Glorfindel sat crying and cradling his cheek, toppling the doomed piece of furniture and successfully breaking off the remaining three legs. This sent a pile of books and a candleholder to the ground. Erestor swung his leg over the side of the couch and snuffed out the tiny flames with his big toe before any damage could be done.
“Thel, maybe we should go for a walk before dinner,” Erestor suggested, standing up. As he put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, it was shrugged off.
“I am no longer hungry.” Ecthelion went to the door and yanked it open, giving one last disapproving look to Glorfindel before he left.
Sighing at the door, Erestor came to Glorfindel and crouched down beside the chair. “Let me have a look at that,” he insisted, moving Glorfindel’s hand gently away. “At least he did not punch you – you would have had a shiner for sure.”
Glorfindel’s sobbing subsided as Erestor brought him a cloth that had been submerged in cold water. “Keep this on there a bit. It will help.”
Watching Erestor sit back down, Glorfindel asked in a very small voice, “Are you mad at me, too?”
The new sergeant rubbed his eyes, looking very tired. His gaze drifted to the food at the door longingly for a moment as he said, “No. And Ecthelion is not mad at you. He is worried about you. We both are.”
“Do you agree with everything he said?” questioned Glorfindel. The light in the room was fading as the sun set. The only candles were the ones on the table that had been set for dinner, and they were burning low.
The dark elf was lounged with his back against an arm of the couch and one leg up over the other arm, dangling off. “I have no love of Gildor. I think you are quite aware of that. He is clever and cunning, and does all for himself. When he last left, did he come to say goodbye to you?”
“He never does,” defended Glorfindel. “We are trying to be discrete.”
“If I were your lover- wait, let me rephrase that,” Erestor said quickly as Glorfindel looked upon him with a shocked expression. “If I had a lover, even if they be forbidden to me, I would make every attempt to say one last farewell to them each time I left. Also, I recall that sometimes you have mentioned that he makes plans to meet you and that these plans fail.”
“He is busy,” Glorfindel reminded Erestor.
Closing his eyes and resting his head on the cushion, Erestor said, “He, who is here free to roam, he who has no duties, is busier than the Guardian of the Fifth Gate of Gondolin? Busier than the Lord of the House of the Golden Flower?”
Slumping his shoulders in partial defeat, Glorfindel made one last attempt. “But... I love him.”
“I have never argued with you on that point. What I will question is, does he really love you? Or are you just his lover while he is here, and does he have others he lays with when he is not with you?” Erestor looked over and saw the unsure expression on Glorfindel’s face. “You have your doubts.”
“Sometimes he...” Glorfindel shook his head. “On rare occasion, he has called me by another name when...” His cheeks became red, and he turned away so that he could continue. “He calls me something else, but he says it is his pet name for me. I thought at first it was, but then I heard someone ask him once about someone by that name, so I am not so sure.”
“Fin.” Erestor sat up, moving to the edge of the couch. “Think about something, alright? If he does have other lovers, and he is mixing the names sometimes, who is to say he does not reveal your name when with them?” Glorfindel’s eyes became incredibly large. “Yes! Imagine if he says it to the wrong person, someone who wants to... I do not know, seek revenge or something? Think if that person were to go to the king. Glorfindel, I do not want to scare you, but I have run out of other ways to convince you to change your ways!”
His tears were flowing again, and Glorfindel used the wet cloth to wipe them away. “Then I should stop seeing him.” He broke down upon saying this, and Erestor was at his side in an instant.
“Ecthelion has been right all along. The picture you paint is one that could make anyone wonder. With Egalmoth on the prowl now, you must take care!” Erestor took away the damp cloth and replaced it with his handkerchief, and began to rub circles on Glorfindel’s back. “You have not married; you show no interest in the fairer race what-so-ever. You do not engage in the same humor most ellyn do regarding ellyth, and you certainly do not laugh whenever others make such jokes. Your house is the ‘golden flower’- now, I know that means the sun, not a yellow rose, but the two have become synonymous and most everyone thinks it truly is a flower. You must realize how fey that sounds. Everyone else in the city has powerful symbols, and you are linked to yellow roses and green fields and doves- all of which are very nice things, but they tend to make others wonder.”
“What am I going to do?” panicked Glorfindel, looking pleadingly at Erestor.
“I am working that out in my head right now,” admitted the dark-haired ellon. “As soon as I have something, you will be the first to know.”
- - -
Glorfindel had decided to stay in Ecthelion’s room so that he could apologize to the other captain when he returned. He did not mean to, but he had drifted into reverie while sitting on the chair, and only when the door opened and closed did Glorfindel shake himself from his visions and quickly rise. “Thel, I-“
“Why are you still here?” The question was not demanding, but confused. Ecthelion looked down at the untouched tray of food and shook his head. Walking to the windows, Ecthelion stared outside and said, “You should go home, Glorfindel. Get some rest, you need to be up early tomorrow.”
“Thel, please hear me out.” Glorfindel came to stand beside his mentor. He had thought through in his mind all he wanted to say, but it gushed forth all at once. “Everything you said, you were absolutely right. I have been careless and stupid, and Gildor has not made the attempt to protect me- only you and Erestor have, and that is not fair to either of you. I should have stopped seeing him long ago, but again, I have been an idiot. I will not see him any longer, you are right, you are always right, I should have just listened to you.”
As he was crying again, Glorfindel walked away and picked up the handkerchief Erestor had left with him. “I will go now,” he said quietly. “I am sorry.”
“Shit,” muttered Ecthelion, putting his palm against the window and resting his forehead upon the cool glass. Glorfindel slowly retreated, but he was stopped halfway. “I never wanted to have to say those things to you, but do you know how close to death you are right now? If Egalmoth manages to solve this puzzle, I do not know how Erestor and I will protect you. Do you understand that, Glorfindel? Do you?”
Bowing his head again, Glorfindel nodded obediently. “I know. I know. I do not know what to do either,” he said fearfully. “And then...” Fighting back his emotions to keep himself from crying again, the blond warrior said, “Then you hit me... and...” Tears ran down his cheeks despite his attempt to keep them at bay, and he drew in his breath, sniffling with sorrow and disgrace. “And that is how it started with my father. Before he started beating me and whipping me, it started when he slapped me one day. Just like you did.”
Looking down at his hands, Ecthelion balled them into fists, angered at himself. “I am sorry about earlier, Fin, but do you realize—“ Ecthelion’s voice cracked and he took a moment to compose himself. “I was just so frustrated; I would do anything to make you understand even if I have to hurt you to help you! I feel like a monster for doing it. Do you know how much I care about you? You are like kin to me. It would kill me inside if anything ever happened to you.
“There is such danger in my job, I cannot marry, I cannot have a family. It would be unfair of me to put anyone in that position of my never returning home one day. I will never have a son – but I have you. You are all I have. Do you understand that?”
For the only time Glorfindel could ever remember, he watched Ecthelion turn away from him and blow his nose, wiping the back of his hand across his face now that his handkerchief was dirty. He tried to swallow his sobs as Glorfindel circled around him. “I am the one who is sorry, Thel. I- I have caused both you and Erestor so much pain. I never wanted to shame you like this.”
“Fin...” Ecthelion grasped for the words as he pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped away the rest of his tears quickly. “We all make mistakes. Some greater than others. But when we make them, we should learn from them instead of repeating them over and over. Like Erestor, for example. He knew he needed help with his anger, so he joined the army. It has done wonders for him.”
“You... you think I should join Rog’s army?” questioned Glorfindel nervously.
“Good heavens, no!” Ecthelion shook his head. “Do not dare – in fact, swear to me you will not.”
“I promise,” Glorfindel answered hastily. “Why?”
“You would not make it through the training. Not that I think you would not last the physical part – you would excel at that. You could stand to trim down that lion’s mane, too,” added the Noldo, tugging on a golden braid that was immediately pulled back from his grasp. “They create situations which would reveal you to them, and that is the last thing you want to do.”
“Like what?” asked Glorfindel.
“You can ask Erestor about it some time. They all bathe together at the same time every day,” began Ecthelion, and simply this small piece of information caused Glorfindel’s mind to run wild with fantasies. “Then the officers do all sorts of things to harass the recruits, some of which, well, you might happen to enjoy. Ask Erestor,” he repeated. “He can tell you more about it if you really want to know. Back to the situation at hand- I passed Erestor in the gardens while I was outside. He said something that led me to believe you were going to stop being with Gildor, and I think you just confirmed it when I came in.”
Nodding, Glorfindel bowed his head. “I want to be with him, but I never should have allowed things to go this far.”
“Or to have happened at all,” added Ecthelion.
Again, Glorfindel nodded, deciding to leave out the fact that Erestor had been present when he and Gildor had their first experiences together. He had managed not to take responsibility for years and was not going to shirk it off on Erestor after all the dark elf had done for him. “I need to stop seeing him. Both of you are right. I have no idea how I am going to tell him, though- especially without making him mad.”
“Does he get mad often?” questioned Ecthelion with concern.
Shrugging, Glorfindel admitted, “Sometimes.”
“Has he ever harmed you?” Ecthelion studied Glorfindel carefully as he answered to be sure the fairer ellon was not lying.
“No. He just yells, or he...” Embarrassed, Glorfindel shook his head and his gaze wandered up to the ceiling. “Or, he takes his pleasure and gives me none and says if I am better the next time-“
“Glorfindel.” Ecthelion’s stern voice cut the younger elf off. “Yelling and... whatever games he is playing with your relationship, that is abuse. He is hurting you- not physically, but it is a hurt all the same.”
As he wrung his hands together, Glorfindel shifted his feet. “He... he does not mean it... and...”
“Fin, when will he be here next?” sighed Ecthelion.
“In a week or so, before the paths become icy. Then he stays the winter,” explained Glorfindel.
“Not this winter,” declared Ecthelion coldly.
