Valarda tipped her head back to the sky and looked up at the stars, as if in deep thought. "Erestor," she said finally.
"Erestor!" exclaimed her husband, but he did not look upset in the least. Orophin took hold of the pipe and sucked the smoke into his lungs before handing it to his brother and exhaling slowly. "I wonder, you don't think--"
"Never happen," she replied, still staring upwards. "Glorfindel, yes, if you worked on him long enough. Erestor... maybe you could get him to watch, but that's about it."
They sat on the beach, their backs to the remains of The Pink Sea Bird, the abandoned outdoor bar that the twins had decided to run for a brief time. After finishing the remaining alcohol, they had begun to work on something stronger, and the stench in the air combined with the uncontrolled laughter was enough to confirm it.
"You sure?" Orophin frowned. "I think Erestor has an edge to him, a sort of fiery side to him we just don't get to see. I think you could get him to join in."
"Well, go ask him, then," prodded Valarda. "Early birthday present?" The pipe came back around to her as Orophin shook his head. "Coward."
"No, it just does nothing for me. Now, perhaps if you'd have chosen Glorfindel." Everyone gave Orophin an odd look, and he said, "Well, he was such a good teacher, must be some things he knows that we don't. Oh! I have it! Glorfindel, and we get Erestor to watch."
Valarda contemplated this. "Alright." She looked at the third male sitting with them. He had his own pipe, which he was puffing thoughtfully, and probably had had more of the weed than the rest.
"Hmm... let me think..."
"We let you think for over an hour!" exclaimed Orophin. "It's simple. A simple, simple question."
"Glorcheniel," he admitted, and looked sheepishly at Celebrian. "Not that I'm at all displeased currently, nor will I ever be in the future, but if I had to choose someone-"
"Like sons, like father," Celebrian mused. "I think you'd best leave that fantasy forgotten," she suggested slyly, "though, I could always find a wig of darker hair," she told him.
Elrond shook his head. "I'm perfectly content with the way things are." He took a long drag on his pipe. "But our sons certainly have good taste."
None of the six had heard the approach of a seventh elf, who was standing behind them with a rather appalled look on his face. "Dare I ask?"
Rumil, who had possession of the communal pipe, held it up to Haldir, who closed his eyes and shook his head. "What?" pouted the youngest brother. "Elrond's smoking it!" he pointed out. Elrond shifted his eyes towards Haldir, continuing to puff away. "You smoke it all the time."
"In moderation. You can use it to clear the mind and ease yourself into a meditative state. Not to... never mind, it's quite clear what you're doing, and it is not the intended purpose," he said, turning to go.
"Halli!" Orophin wrapped his arms around Haldir's legs. "Don't go!" He added extra weight by wrapping his long legs around next, nearly toppling his brother over. "We've smoked the leaf, we've lost all inhibitions, and we're sharing our deepest, darkest sexual fantasies," proclaimed Orophin. "Come, join us!"
"No, thank you," declined Haldir, but Orophin did not let go.
"Oh, you don't need to share your fantasies with us," Orophin said. "It probably has something to do with Legolas doing some sort of twisty pretzel thing, and that's not much different from any other day for him, so it's not much of a fantasy." Orophin tightened his grip around Haldir's legs.
"You really have lost your inhibitions," Haldir said, looking around to the other three, who were laughing and snorting, and continuing to smoke. Ever the big brother, he untangled himself from Orophin and sat down between his brothers, at the center of the group. "What is this pretzel nonsense?"
"Twisty pretzel nonsense, and it's because Mirkwood Elves are so flexible, everyone knows that," Orophin said. "Oh!" he added, tapping Valarda's arm. "We could get Legolas, do the twisty pretzel thing! He could teach us, most likely you. I'm not quite as flexible as you are."
"He doesn't do a twisty anything," corrected Haldir, regretting he had for surely it could not make things better.
"Have you asked him?" questioned Orophin. "I for one believe he could come up with a twisty pretzel thing even if he does not know how to do one now."
Rumil cleared his throat, though he may just have been coughing on the smoke, and said, "Funny you should say that... something I've always wanted to do is draw... " he trailed off, a blush overtaking his pale face.
"Spit it out," demanded Nenniach. "I went first, don't you dare bow out."
"I'd like to draw him, but with you, and with... " his eyes wandered around to Valarda, after which he added, "Without any clothes. You know, naked and bare skinned and such."
Orophin snorted. "Well, I've no problem with it. I honestly don't think Legolas knows what to do with an elleth, so I think my wife is safe." Celebrian snickered and laughed, and ended up leaning against her husband with her shoulders shaking. "What? What did I say?"
Celebrian tried to explain, waving one arm around off to the side as she giggled and cackled and had to hang onto Elrond with her other arm so that she would not topple over. Finally Elrond tapped his pipe upside down to the ground and squashed the contents with the toe of his boot. "Say goodnight, Ria," he said, picking his wife up in his arms.
"Goodnight, Ria!" she managed to snort before her laughter rose up again. Smirking, Elrond nodded his head to the others as he walked to the house, swaying a bit here and again there as he went.
"Next time we get him to smoke AND drink," grinned Orophin once his sister and brother-in-law were inside the house.
Rumil tapped his wife's arm. "You, Valarda, and Legolas. I know I can get them to do it," he added.
"I suppose that sort of drawing would be nice," said Nenniach with a smile, "but I would want what I mentioned earlier, if I agree to your little art project."
The two youngest brothers chuckled glancing up at the eldest, and Haldir, looking most uncomfortable dared to ask, "What was mentioned earlier?"
"She said when it comes to looks, it is difficult to choose between the three of us, so she'd liked to have had the chance to, well, try us all out, as it were," said Rumil. Haldir's jaw dropped and his eyes bulged slightly, but Rumil merely shrugged it off. "Not like it would really happen."
"Damn right it won't!" answered Haldir.
"Halli! We're just goofing around. We're bonding as a group, growing stronger by knowing these little secrets," explained Rumil.
"And, it's a damn fine and entertaining way to pass the time. What fun are secrets if you've no one to share them with?" questioned Orophin. "Besides, Nenniach's said she'd settle for just a sketch of the three of us standing aroudn naked or something like that, we just need to find an artist. Come, Haldir, what do you dream of?"
Haldir looked around and began to stand. "I'm going to bed," he said, but was pulled back down by his brothers, one on each side.
"I think," said Orophin, looping his arms around one of Haldir's, "that you think some very naughty things. Things you think are very wrong to think about."
"I would like to go to bed," stated Haldir firmly. "Please, let go of me."
Rumil snaked his arms around his eldest brother. "We shared ours," he pouted. "We want to know what you dream about."
"No."
"Please?" Rumil continued to pout, putting his chin up on Haldir's shoulder. "Please, please, please, please, please, please-"
Haldir grabbed the pipe hanging loosely in Nenniach's hand before shoving his brothers off of him. "I'm going to bed. Good night." Turning sharply, he went back to the house.
"He's not much fun anymore," sighed Rumil, leaning against Orophin.
Orophin looked over his shoulder at the retreating figure. "I'll have to work on that."
- - -
To avoid the stench of the pipe weed as everyone came back into the house and dropped themselves off in the parlor to sleep off the effects, Haldir took up temporary residence that night on the other side of the house. In the morning, deciding that the smell was still too strong, he stayed in the southern half of the house mostly trying to make something to eat from what little he could find in the pristine kitchen.
"There you are!" Orophin strolled into the room, observing it really for the first time since the addition had been finished. "Nice. We'll have to eat over here on occasion."
"Are you sober this morning?" questioned Haldir, keeping an eye on the water he was boiling for coffee.
Orophin narrowed his eyes playfully and leaned against the doorway. "Oh, come off it. I wish you would relax and enjoy things. For a while you do, and then your high and mighty side takes over. Why couldn't you just admit what you want last night?"
"Admit what?" questioned Haldir.
"That you are smitten with someone in this house and think she is unattainable. If you would have said something last night-"
"-Elrond would have killed me."
The finger Orophin had been pointing emphatically at Haldir waved aimlessly for a moment, and then grew limp and curled back with the rest. "Not necessarily. He was under the influence."
"Then he would have laughed and killed me." Haldir held up a hand as he began to make his coffee. "It's worse than if it would have been Arwen. He has three children here in Valinor; he only has one grandchild. If he was protective of Arwen, he's ten times more so of Elodien."
Orophin stomped over to Haldir, looking down at him. Haldir stood a little straighter and glared right back. "If you don't tell him, I will," threatened the younger."
"No, you will not," answered Haldir. He turned away, trying to ignore his brother as he set to his task.
"Dammit, Halli," whined Orophin. He gave a tug on his sleeve to get his attention once more. "Halli, he has to understand she has to be with someone, why not you? You like her, she seems to be able to tolerate you, just go tell her. How is it that what he thinks matters?"
Stepping away, Haldir growled, "Orophin, you're like a mutt in heat when you do that. Go pester someone else, I'm tired of this."
Orophin sighed and hung his head. Then, a moment later, he was practically hanging off of Haldir's side. "Hal-li!"
"Aiya, Oro, damn you!" Haldir spilt the bowl of sugar over them both before shoving his brother away. "What in the name of all that is unholy possessed you to do that?" he demanded.
"I was trying to cheer you up!" Orophin defended himself.
"By humping my leg?!"
"Wasn't humping your leg," pouted Orophin. "That was a pouncing."
"Pounce my ass! You were humping my leg!" he shouted at him.
There was a sudden noise at the doorway. Elrond cleared his throat, with a look that could only be described as terrified amusement on his face. "I... didn't mean to interrupt," he apologized. "Just wanted to mention we have company." Swiftly, he retreated.
Haldir turned slowly to Orophin with a murderous look. "How about I go tell him now, hmm?" he asked, brushing the sugar off of his pants. "Do you think he'd react favorably?"
"Maybe if you get the sugar out of your hair, too," suggested Orophin. When he was glared at again, he merely grinned in return, and backed up toward the doorway before sliding out.
Looking in disgust at the ruined coffee, for most of the sugar had found its way into the cup, he began to clean up the mess as Orophin scurried back into the room, wearing a very serious look.
"What now, Oro?" But before the words could quite reach Orophin's ears, he hopped up onto Haldir again, arms around Haldir's shoulders and one leg wrapped up around his. "Oro!"
"Oh, my." At the door stood another elf, this one trying his best not to smile as Orophin jumped off of a mortified Haldir. "I had no idea you were... into that sort of thing, Orophin," said Glorfindel, stepping carefully into the room.
"That was a pounce," he said pointedly.
Haldir, a washrag in his hand, lashed it out at Orophin's shoulder. "Knock it off, or I'll have you gelded."
"Right, as if you could," shot back Orophin as he scooted over to the door. To Glorfindel, he said, "I pounced him!"
"Whatever you say," shrugged Glorfindel. "It looked to me as if you were humping his leg." Erestor chose this moment to enter the room, and entered it with a confused expression.
"Dare I ask, what appeared as if..." Deciding the word was just much too inappropriate to use, Erestor left it at that.
"This." Orophin launched himself at Erestor, who did not have the time to dodge out of the way, and was subject to the same treatment Haldir had been.
"Ai! Get it off, get it off!" he shoved at Orophin as Glorfindel grabbed hold of the young elf's collar and yanked him away.
"Get your own advisor, this one's already taken," Glorfindel said.
"I only pounced him!" Orophin stomped his foot and sighed as Glorfindel moved protectively in front of a wary Erestor. Haldir stood at the counter, watching him cautiously. Orophin shrugged. "Fine. I'll go pounce someone who will appreciate a good pouncing!" he announced as he left.
- - -
"Wait, you pounced Erestor!" Valarda picked up a pillow and began to pummel her husband. "You pounced him and I didn't get to see it? Oh, you-"
"Ah, ah. Call me names, and I won't tell you how it led to that."
Valarda rested back on her side of the couch again. "Fine. Tell me what happened."
Orophin grinned and began to recall the story. By the time he had finished, Valarda was propped up on her elbows, eying him slyly. "What?"
"What, what? What in Arda were you doing to make them think you were humping them?" Valarda asked.
"Well I-" Orophin grinned mischievously. "I could... should you, and you could give me your opinion."
Valarda returned the grin. "Please do."
