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“Do Thranduil again!” snickered Orophin.

“Oh, yes! Your Thranduil is most excellent!” grinned Valarda.

Haldir drank deeply from the bottle of wine and set it into the sand. Picking up the closer of the two lanterns, he sat up a bit, lantern held out in front of him. “ ‘I don’t know – go to the West, or keep living in caves surrounded by orcs and spiders. Let me lock you in the dungeon while I think about it.’ ”

Orophin and Valarda both doubled over in laughter as Haldir set the lantern back down and reached for his wine bottle, dismayed to find it empty. Valarda tossed another one to him, careful to aim it around the fire they had made on the beach.

“What about Ada?” asked Orophin playfully. Valarda smirked, and made a hasty grab for a lantern.

“ ‘If I go to the West, does Galadriel have to know I’m there?’ ” Both brothers chuckled and snorted at Valarda’s imitation of their father.

- - -

It was a variation on a game played on the journey to Valinor to keep Celebdreth (and his uncles) from getting bored on the long trip across the sea.

“With everything packed up, what are we supposed to do on the way to Valinor?” Celebdreth asked Haldir. Nephew and uncle were leaning over the railing of the Brillach, watching as the waves hit the side of the ship. They weren’t more than a few hours out of port, the shore of Mithlond still visible upon the horizon.

Haldir grinned at the youth’s impatience. “The journey is not terribly far. It is well worth the wait to see the lands I have heard of only in tale and legend.”

“Are you not bored?” questioned Celebdreth.

Giving a shrug, Haldir motioned for his nephew to follow him to a bench on the deck. “Bored, aye that I am. Homesick, but for what home I yearn for, I know not. Patient, though, for I know that the trip, however long, is short compared to living forever in Valinor.”

Celebdreth sat down, clutching his stomach. “Forever. That seems so final. It seems so…long.”

Haldir reassuringly placed his hand upon Celebdreth’s shoulder. “You need not fear it, Celebdreth.”

“It is not my own immortality I fear,” admitted the young elf. “It is the choice still ahead of my cousins. I can easily guess Arwen’s path, and cannot fault her for it. But Elrohir and Elladan…” he trailed off, looking back at the outline of land in the distance. “Perhaps I should have waited for them. Perhaps I made a mistake.”

Celeborn heard the worries of his youngest grandchild and moved now to join them near the back of the ship. “We often question our decisions, though we can only move forward and not back. They must make their own choices, as you have made yours. Come, let’s not speak anymore of this.” The old elf turned away, dabbing at the corners of his eyes. He truly hoped his other grandsons would one day follow them to Valinor, but his certainty on this faltered often. “I have a game we could play.”

“A game we can play? But nothing is here to play a game with,” Celebdreth said.

“Have you not played a game with nothing before?” asked Celeborn. Celebdreth shook his head. “Never? Not ‘stop and go’ or ‘hide and seek’ or ‘tig’.” Again, Celebdreth shook his head. “Ah, but I forget, you had few elflings to play with when you were growing up. Well then. Time to learn.”

Celeborn was interrupted, as the door to the decks below swung open. Orophin stumbled out, navigating a zigzagged path to the side. Valarda followed behind, shaking her head. “I told you not to eat before we left. Lembas and water, that’s all you’re getting until we get to shore.”

“I’m never going to set foot on another ship ever again,” Orophin moaned as he hung over the side, abruptly drawing himself back over the rail as he watched the water churn below.

Celeborn waved Orophin over to the benches. “Sit down here, on the floor in front of me. Lean your head back against my knees.” Orophin did as instructed, and Celeborn positioned his hands on either side of his son’s head, rubbing his temples in a circular motion. “Close your eyes. Slow your breath.” Celeborn nodded to Valarda that she could leave if she so chose, but the elleth sat down on the bench next to her father-in-law.

“Ada?” Celeborn looked up at Haldir. “There was a game you were going to tell us about?”

“Oh, yes.” Celeborn continued to massage Orophin’s temples, noting the younger elf looked a lot less green than he had. “It is a game called ‘I’m Going to the West’.”

“How does one play?” Celebdreth turned back to look at his grandfather, sitting on the bench across from him.

“Quite simple really. The first elf says ‘I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking…’ and they say something beginning with the first letter of the alphabet. Then the second elf says, ‘I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking…’ and they say something beginning with the second letter of the alphabet.”

“That’s easy," replied Celebdreth.

“But there’s a catch. The second elf has to say their own item, and the item the first elf said. And so on, right through the entire list of letters. But there’s one more thing I must tell you,” added Celeborn. “You must use the Westron alphabet.”

“Why?” the question was from all of the other elves present.

“Because it makes it more difficult that way. Funnier, too, having to come up with Westron words. I’ll go first,” offered Celeborn in answer to the skeptical looks he was being given. “I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking an aardvark.”

“Why would you take an aardvark?”

“Are there any aardvarks in Valinor?”

“Your turn, Haldir,” Celeborn informed him, ignoring the questions.

Haldir thought for a moment. “I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking a Balrog and an aardvark.”

“Why in Arda would you bring a Balrog along?” shivered Orophin, still on the floor, still with his eyes closed. “Both of you, you think of such silly things.”

“Go on then, if you can do better.”

“I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking…Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.”

Celeborn frowned. “You should really try to use Westron words, it loses something otherwise.”

“You want we should leave you behind?” asked Orophin. He hissed as Celeborn pinched him on the neck.

“I want you should put me on a ship without a Balrog and an aardvark!”

Celebdreth drew in a breath. “I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.”

“Nicely done!” said Celeborn, and he was rewarded with a small smile from the youth.

“I’m going to the West,” proclaimed Valarda, “and with me I’m taking an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.” Valarda looked around. “Now what?”

“Now, we begin again.” Celeborn cleared his throat. “I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking furniture, an eagle, a dog, myself, a Balrog, and an aardvark. On a very large ship,” he laughed.

“I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.”

“Two G-words, Hirband Arabeleg. You should get double points for that,” teased Valarda. Haldir stuck his tongue out at her in a very un-dignified manner.

“I certainly wish we might have convinced Glorfindel to sail with us,” sighed Celebdreth, looking back once again. “And Erestor. And Elrohir and Elladan. And Cirdan. And Saelbeth. And-“

“Penneth, fret not! Many of them will come yet.” Celeborn nudged Orophin to continue quickly with the game.

“I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking horses, Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.” Orophin was more alert now, and slid up onto the bench between Celeborn and Valarda. He nodded at Celebdreth.

“I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking ink, horses, Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark.” Celebdreth leaned against Haldir, forcing himself not to look behind again. Haldir gave him a half-hug with one arm, and looked at Valarda.

“I’m going to the West, and with me, I’m taking jelly, furniture, and a Balrog.”

“What?” Celeborn looked around Orophin to see Valarda’s raised brow. “What happened to the rest of the stuff?”

“Turns out the Balrog was hungry. After eating the aardvark, dog, eagle, and horses, he realized Glorfindel was the elf who killed his cousin’s best friend’s uncle’s chef. Consequently, he ate Glorfindel, too, and washed him down with a bottle of ink.”

“I don’t care about Glorfindel, what about me?” demanded Celeborn.

“Oh, well, my Lord, I give you much more credit. You would have jumped off the ship the minute the Balrog started to eye up the aardvark. Terrible what he did to that poor aardvark,” she said, shaking her head.

Celeborn was quiet for a bit, everyone else grinning around him. “Are you sure you’re not one of my children?” he finally asked.

- - -

The contemporary version of “I’m Going to the West” was slightly different. Gone were the long lists of animals and objects one might find on a wayward ship to Valinor. Replacing them were the imitations of family and friends who had taken the journey or were yet to come to the shores.

“Alright, alright, alright. Nana, going to the west.” Orophin took a couple of deep breaths, and then whispered something to Valarda, who nodded, and walked a few feet off. Haldir leaned back in the sand, using his palms to keep himself balanced. “ ‘I shall now depart to the West. Celeborn?’ ” Orophin turned, motioning Valarda forward.

“ ‘Bye! Have a lovely journey!’ ” she shouted, imitating Celeborn once again. Then, turning to look in the direction opposite of the shore, she shouted, “ ‘Hey! Thranduil! Break out the barrel, I’m coming home!’ ” They collapsed onto the beach once again in fits of laughter.

After an evening spent on the same beach guarding the ‘Northern Fences’, they were now burning the remains of the Northern Fences, as well as any driftwood and twigs they had found along the way. Hot chocolate and cider was replaced with liquor, and they had snagged a pair of the famed lanterns used by the Imladris elves when they made their journey to the Undying Lands. Lit with candles, the lanterns flickered whimsical patterns against the sand and the waves that splashed nearby.

Haldir recovered, picking up one of the lanterns. “Glorfindel, going to the West. ‘I’m going to the West! Don’t try to stop me!’” He took a step near the shore, turned slightly, and hissed, “ ‘Elrond! Stop me.’”

“Ah, that is so like our Balrog Slayer. I can’t remember how many times he threatened and was pulled back by someone during negotiation. He used that tactic on Ada so often, he could call it every time.” Orophin walked over to Haldir, snatching the lantern. “Again, Glorfindel. ‘I tried to go West once, but they sent me back. Have I ever told you the story of the Balrog in Gondolin?’”

Haldir took the lantern back. “Elrond, going to the West. ‘Valinor. The Undying Lands. Repite. Me gusta the West. Come, let us all go to the West.’”

Valarda raised her own lantern. “Frodo Baggins. Going to the West. Ahem.” She managed the saddest looking face she could, then said, “ ‘I would go to the West, but I do not know the way.’ ”

All three of them were laughing so hard that they did not notice the pair of figures approaching them.

“Hold on, I’ve got it. Mithrandir, woeing to the guest. I mean. Heh, never mind. Go ahead, Oro.” Haldir set the lantern onto the beach, maneuvering himself back onto the ground. Valarda snorted as she passed Haldir a bottle of something that would guarantee him a headache the next morning.

“Erestor, going to the west. ‘I’m going to the West, although, according to this book here, we’re taking a northwestern path across the sea. Either way, I’m not going to let myself enjoy the trip.’” This was accompanied by an unamused stare.

“Oooo, remember how he used to glare at everyone? I think he even glared back at himself in the mirror in the morning,” giggled Valarda, taking the lantern.

Orophin made to add something, but hiccupped so violently, he fell to his knees, and started laughing again.

“Ready? Heh, heh heh heh…” Valarda had to stop herself for a moment, controlling her laughter. She took a deep breath, lifting the lantern again. “Lindir. Going to the West. Whew.” She drew another breath. “ ‘North, South; East, West; I always say; West is Best!’ ” Orophin and Haldir clapped loudly, and Valarda bowed as she completed her performance.

Orophin stretched his arms wide above his head. "Then again, Lindir is so overly analytical and philosophical sometimes." He balanced upon his knees, not using a lantern. "Lindir going to the West. 'If we went east, would we not eventually get to the West?'" Orophin plopped back onto the sand to bout of laughter.

Haldir lifted himself uneasily from the ground, staggering to the lantern. “Mithrandir. And we all know where he’s going.” They burst into laughter again, and Haldir nearly stumbled into the dying bonfire. “ ‘And for my next trick – I shall go to the West!’ “

Valarda and Orophin were silent for a moment before Valarda pounded the sand with her fist. “I get it! Trick! Because he’s a wizard!”

“I don’t think we got it. Would you mind explaining it?” Haldir literally jumped into the air upon hearing the voices behind him, and stumbled backwards onto the sand next to Orophin. The laughing stopped as Elrond stepped forward, Celeborn behind him.

“It seems the lanterns from the hall were missing. We came to see if you knew where they were. Ah, it seems you do,” nodded Celeborn as Valarda and Haldir sheepishly held up the lanterns. Orophin finished off the rest of the last open bottle.

Each of the sober elves took hold of a lantern. “You three are going to be sicker than…well, sicker than you’ve been in a long time,” Celeborn settled on. Elrond was contemplating the lantern as Celeborn continued to lecture. Finally, the older elf looked at his son-in-law. “I think we should lock them out of the house, myself. With our luck, they’ll mess the new carpets in the hallways by morning. Best to let them sleep it off on the beach.”

Elrond cleared his throat. “Haldir. Going to the West.” Celeborn threw his free arm up in the air, making to walk away, but after a moment, was back to watch Elrond’s impression. “ ‘The West? I’ve heard of it. Am I going? Well, it’s not that I really desire to go to the West, but I assume the Valar would want at least one example of a perfect elf living there.’” Haldir slapped Orophin across the back of the head as he shook in silent laughter.

“ ‘I’m going to the West. I think it’s only right to see such an island of perfection,’” began Celeborn, then in a lower voice, very close to Haldir’s drawl, he added “ ‘And with me, I’m taking these mallyrn seedlings…and this lembas…and these rabbits…”

“If someone would have informed me that Valinor had all that, I wouldn’t have had to smuggle it all along!” interrupted Haldir, face slightly flushed.

Elrond cleared his throat and tried once more, perfecting not only the intonation, but Haldir's facial expressions as well. "You have entered the West," he sneered, pointing at Haldir accusingly. "You cannot go back."

Orophin smirked, directing his comment to Valarda. “They really have him down perfectly, don’t they?”

“Orophin, going to the West.” Orophin’s face fell as Celeborn lifted his lantern once again. “ ‘Haldir’s going to the West? I want to go to the West!’ “

“ ‘The West?’ “ Elrond now had his lantern raised. “ ‘You mean…there’s a *fourth * direction?!’ “

“Hey! Not funny. Not funny,” repeated Orophin, punching Haldir in the shoulder as the older brother bowed his head, laughing.

“Valarda, going to the West.“ Celeborn thought for a moment, then said, “ ‘I’m going to the West. And I’m not taking anything, because the Balrog ate it all.’ “ Even Valarda smirked at this, although Elrond tossed Celeborn a confused look. “I’ll explain later.”

Elrond stepped forward. “Rumil, going to the West. ‘I’m going to the West…though I am filled with sorrow to take from Arda such irreplaceable beauty…’”

“Hey! Leave Rumil out of this!” argued Haldir.

“Come, they’re beginning to sober up. We should get back to the house and bar the door before they are able to follow.” Elrond agreed with Celeborn’s assessment, and the two started back. Celeborn suddenly stopped, walking back to the embers of the fire with a wicked grin upon his face.

“Daro. You’ve come to the Northern Fences. Something, something, you can not pass.” Haldir’s speech was slurred, and his gestures just as awkward. Valarda reached for a fresh bottle of wine.

Celeborn lifted the lantern. “Legolas, going to the West. ‘I’m going to the West.’” Celeborn looked conspiratorially behind him, then placing his free hand to the side of his mouth in a sneaky fashion, added in a low voice, “ ‘And I’m bringing…a dwarf!’ ” With that, he blew out the candle that lit the lantern and turned back in the direction of the house.

“That wasn’t very funny,” remarked Valarda.

“I don’t…get it,” said Orophin, turning to Haldir.

Haldir chewed on his bottom lip. “I don’t think that one was a joke.”

All three of them groaned, though none knew if it was because of their impending hangovers or not.

“A dwarf in Valinor.” Haldir shuddered. “I need a drink.”
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