Erestor nearly choked on his next breath. “When did that happen?” He furrowed his brow. “I do not recall it.”
“Not once, but twice,” added Tatie. “If we are telling him, we are telling him everything,” she added as she picked up the bowl. She stirred the mixture again, but now it was to keep her hands from being wrung. “The first time, you were five. It was our first encounter with Orome. He was fond of you -- you were one of the youngest among our people at the time. You were not afraid of him like so many others were. You really liked his dog and his horse, and he named you, for we had not chosen your names yet.”
“You could not say my name,” recalled Tata. “You kept missing the first T and would call me ‘Ata’, except you were still new with words, so it sounded like ‘Atar’, so--”
“I invented the word ‘father’?” Despite the other news that he had just been told, Erestor grinned. “I do think that may well trump inventing silima.”
Tata smiled proudly. “There were other words as well.” He looked down to the table. “Then, just when it seemed we were making progress with Orome, tragedy struck. He was speaking to us, trying to learn the language, and one of the words you created was being used. I wanted you to say it, to show how much you had learned.”
“What was the word?” asked Erestor when the room became silent.
Tata shook his head. “To this day, no one uses it any longer. When no one could find you, we all began a frantic search. You had wandered off -- you were five, you were quite the sprinter. When we found you, there was nothing to be done.”
Erestor’s eyes were locked on his father. “What happened? No…” He looked away just as his mother was about to answer. “I know this… I dream it… I thought it was some irrational nightmare…” He closed his eyes and the scene flashed before him from so long ago. When he opened them, he saw his father, still forlorn, and his mother silent yet sobbing, tears dripping into the bowl of uncooked dumplings held with one arm. “It was Cuiviénen. I drowned in it.”
Tatie nodded. “We tried everything, but there was nothing we could do. Orome left shortly after. We buried you by the riverside.”
Erestor shuddered and squirmed, but held fast to his father’s hand. “I was chasing something, I think, or maybe it was something in the water. A reflection, perhaps.. something made me go into the water.”
“No one knew what swimming was at that point. We learned soon enough, not wanting fear to overtake us completely. We mourned your death for a year.. and that was when ‘he’ arrived.” Tata drew his lips together and shook his head.
“He?” Erestor looked between his parents again, and then he took a guess. “Morgoth?”
Tata closed his eyes and nodded once, while Tatie finally set the bowl aside and sat down on the other side of her son. Grasping his free hand with both of hers, Tatie began the next chapter in the tale of woe. “He offered us something that Orome had not. He offered us the chance to have you back. He declared that he was not the evil spirit that we thought he was, and that he would bring you back to us.” Tatie swallowed hard. “He seduced our minds, and then, he seduced me. He claimed that in order to bring you back, you would need to be stronger than you were. He claimed that he and I would need to lie together for that to be possible.. and so I did.”
Erestor’s short intake of air made his mother clutch his hands tighter. “Do not hate me for it!” she pleaded. She bowed her head and kissed his hand. “I only wanted my son back. I did it for you, for my baby boy. I had not been able to protect you; I thought now that he could.”
Tata wiped tears from his face now. “It was worth the price to have you back, and in a year, we did.” He took a deep breath. “If only it had been that simple. We knew it was you-- you acted like you always had, at first. The first thing we noticed were your eyes.. they were not blue, they were violet, like there was fire burning in them. When your hair grew, it was dark, almost black.”
“What.. color.. was it before?” asked Erestor, looking dumbfounded into the gleam of a spoon on the table, his distorted reflection seeming even more distorted now.
“Blond,” answered both fair-haired parents at the same time.
“Huh.”
“Still, we loved you, and we did not question it.” Tatie scooted her chair closer without letting go of Erestor’s hands. “We had peace in our lives for three years.”
“Then something happened. War came, and he sent servants to bring you to him. They surrounded us with demons of fire and demanded your return to him. It was you, or everyone. The promise was made not to harm any of our people if you were given back to Morgoth.” Tata trembled. “I still have not forgiven myself for what was done. It was a moment of panic and of fear, followed by two lifetimes of regret. If I refused, I abandoned my people. If I consented, I was doomed, for it meant at any time any one of them might be the next victim. I handed you to them, and they were gone, and an instant later I resigned from my self-appointed leadership.”
“Finwe had been a friend, ever since his youth. He was one of the first who was born; I aided his mother in the shock of the delivery, and in turn, she was midwife to me years later when you came, both times. The second birth was harder on me, and I was still weakened from it when they came to take you from me.” Tatie took a deep breath. “We did not know what became of you over ten years. During that time, Finwe and his parents comforted us, and we did all we could to see to it that Finwe had the support of our people.”
“When Orome returned, one of the first things that was asked was what had become of you. The answer was grim,” said Tata. “Morgoth had raised you as his own, and kept you safe. In return, he used the clever mind of an imaginative child to create atrocious beasts and demons, the likes of which had never been seen before. You were a hazard, and when Morgoth was captured, you were put to death before him.”
“Who did it?” wondered Erestor, his hands clenching a little around his parents’ fingers.
“The one who would steal you back from the Halls of Waiting,” Tata said. “When Orome came to tell us of the offer the Valar made to have us live with them in paradise, we were unsure. As you know, we sent ambassadors. While he was there, Finwe discovered exactly what had happened, and he confronted Orome about it.
“It was a bold and brave move on his part, but he was very convincing. He made promise to Orome that if you were not returned to us, none of the Noldor would travel to the blessed realm. Orome consented, and when he sent Ingwe, Elwe, and Finwe back across the sea, he sent back with them a bundled child. Newly born, the third time. That, of course, led to an often-said phrase.”
“Third time’s the charm,” said Erestor without having to take a very wild guess.
Tata nodded. “We were greatly in Finwe’s debt from that time on. We ultimately followed Feanor because Finwe had given us our son back, and we were willing to do whatever was necessary, after Finwe’s death, to keep his son alive.”
Tatie stroked the top of Erestor’s hand with her thumbs. “I became so protective of you. I could not bear to see something foul happen to you after everything you had been through. Everything we did was because we thought it was what was best.”
Erestor let go of his father’s hand so that he could move his chair closer to his mother and put his now free arm around her. She looked up at him. “I was a bad mother. Forgive me?”
“Oh, Nana..” Erestor blinked his eyes a few times as they blurred. He sniffled and drew her close. “I love you. I love both of you,” he added as he blindly reached a hand in the direction of his father. Tata had already moved behind Erestor’s chair and bent down to hug his son. “I always thought you were disappointed with me,” he blurted out when he was sandwiched between his parents.
“We have always been proud of you, no matter what,” whispered Tata.
“Th..” Erestor lifted his hands up to his face to wipe the remaining tears away. “I.. I know.”
“No, that is the trouble. We always assumed, and we never told you,” said Tatie. “We love you very much. When you died, we had people suggest we just have another child. But you were special to us. We only wanted you, Erestor. We will always love you.”
Erestor was sniffling again, and nodded, unable to speak now. Tata gave him another hug. “We are very proud. We will always be proud of you. Always.”
