"I am not about to be left here while you go who knows where."
Rubbing my temples in exasperation, I sighed and said, "Thranduil, I appreciate your concern, but you are meant to stay here. There is danger on the other side of this sea."
"There is danger here as well," he argued. "Melkor came back! Behind the backs of the Valar, beneath our noses, he came back! What can be more dangerous than that?"
Already I had numerous elves who would not be left behind. Cirdan was the first, as I needed a ship. With all of the ships taken by the host, a new ship would need to be built. It would still be years before we departed - with so many lost he had to build nearly all of it himself - but preparations for our voyage needed to be made. After him others followed, for reasons of their own. "Your father will not allow this," I tried, but there was a triumphant smile upon Thranduil's face.
"He said we would go together," was the reply.
"That isn't possible," I apologized. "I am running out of room on this ship, and there are others I still need to take with me."
"He said he could help you with that, too." Thranduil must have noted the sudden interest I had in what he was saying as he continued, "Grant us passage with you across the sea, and I will not even ask why it is so important my cousin be on your vessel. In return, I can promise you he, accompanied by his parents and brother, will be on the ship when we sail."
My expression could have easily been read, yet still I hissed, "His parents and brother? Thranduil, the ship cannot hold us all! Already, I have three more than I anticipated."
"Perhaps we will need more than one ship, then," suggested Thranduil, adding, "'Tis unsafe to travel across such a wide expanse in only one vessel. Three would be much safer."
I do not recall how long I stared at him, but in my heart, I knew it was the only way I would succeed. The youngest son of Lhunerin and Galadhon had yet to reach his majority and I was not about to kidnap him and risk another war. Though Lhunerin was married to Galadhon for many long years, she still remained close to her brother Oropher, chief of the House of the Green Leaf. No amount of persuasion on my part would convince her to tell her husband that their youngest son was to sail across the sea; however, the slightest mention of such plans by her brother would cause her to pack that very night.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Things moved quickly after that. Two ships were built, and while I sailed on one steered by Cirdan, Oropher took command of the other. My first thought when we reached the shore was to seek her out, but I did not wish to face her again so soon. I also remembered quickly just how great the expanse was, and did I know where to begin to search for her. Those of us who came across the sea settled for the most part in Doriath. My life there was simple and I favored scribal work, and for a while I was almost content though my task weighed heavily upon my mind. In time she came to Doriath, as I somehow knew she would.
It was an ordinary day like any other as I came up the stairway into the Great Hall. Introductions were being made between members of the kingdom and a fair elleth whose face was shrouded from me by her hood. I knew, not from knowing her, but from knowing the look I saw in the eyes of Celeborn who she was. I turned and gripped the wall, clutching my chest as I closed my eyes. Moments later I heard the name he said to her as once I had heard it in Valinor and the light laughter that came from her lips. I fled around the corner, gasping for air and feeling a chill through my soul. I had always known that this moment would come, but for me to finally let her go was more difficult than I ever could have imagined.
When I thought I was finally ready to face her I came back around the corner, not knowing how long I had hidden myself. The room had emptied, save two figures talking and smiling at each other in the firelight. Her hood was down and her cheeks flushed as she smiled while he spoke with great enthusiasm, gesturing about as he explained whatever it is newfound and unknowing lovers explain to one another. I lingered a moment longer, long enough for her crystal blue gaze to fall upon me before exiting the hall and walking silently down the steps.
"Erestor."
I swayed upon my legs and grabbed for the rail. To hear her voice again after so very long brought me to tears, and I could not bear to turn and face her. I could hear her approach me, taking each step only after a pause, like a small child closing in on an injured creature in the forest. My pain grew with every step until I felt her hand upon my shoulder and realized I was sobbing and that she could clearly hear me.
"Erestor," she said again, her voice pleading. "Stay."
I said nothing as I continued on my way, hiding in the shadows to wipe my eyes. I asked for my leave from Doriath and for recommendations. I received both without question and took the latter to Gondolin without looking back. When I entered the hidden city and the gates locked behind me, I hoped to lock myself away from her just as she had locked me out of her heart.
