I kept my distance as the young elleth grew, and courted her as was proper when she came of age. When I first approached Artanis about bonding years later, she giggled like the maiden she was, but I assured her it was not for the pleasures of the flesh that I asked such a thing. I truly and completely grew to love her. Her brothers were protective of her, but I became possessive. Eventually, she agreed to live in my home, to rest in my bed, and to curl around my body as we relaxed beneath the soft blankets.
That was the extent of our 'practice marriage', as Cirdan called it. "She's too young. She's too fickle. She's too dangerous." I shook my head at his words until one night changed everything. I should have seen it coming. How could she be content, forevermore, beneath the roof of a farmer with little more than trees and flowers to his name? I could not give her a city, nor a palace or any great wealth.
All I could give her was love.
So many times I traced my fingers over the delicate features of her face as we lay in the darkness of our room, but that night, I recalled every detail of it. As my fingers reached her mouth I paused, for she kissed the tip of each as I led them to her lips. My smile widened lazily, my hands moving beneath her chin to stroke her throat until her eyes closed. I memorized each moment of it, not knowing it would be the last time I would ever touch this lovely vision before me in this manner.
"Mmm… Artanis…" I brought my own mouth to her neck, tasting all I could. There was a shift as I let my hands travel across her silky skin, and I did not take it to mean anything until I spoke once more. "Love you Artanis…"
Abruptly she slid away, rising from the bed. I watched with confusion as she took hold of her robe from the bedpost and continued through the open door that led to the upper porch. I waited for a few moments and called out for her, but there was no answer. Throwing off the blanket, I followed her outside, pulling on a pair of leggings in the doorway. "Artanis?" She was sitting on the bench, the robe around her body but still revealing. "My love, please, tell me your thoughts."
"I keep thinking of that name that little one called me."
"What name was that?" I asked, but I knew. She knew I knew.
"Alatariel," she said, looking toward the East.
I pretended to be indifferent as I sat down beside her, sliding an arm around her waist, but there was disapproval written on my face, and she knew it.
"I think it would be a good name for a queen," she finally said.
My stomach knotted. "What of the name Queen Artanis?"
Artanis raised her head a little higher. "Queen Artanis sounds like the kind of queen who stays at home and minds the maids. I need a stronger name, a more powerful name."
"What about Nerwen?" I asked dryly. Artanis scowled and stood up, moving to the railing of the back porch.
"No, that is not a name to fear."
"Fear?" I choked on the word, and stood, but did not make a move to reach her. "Why do you wish to be feared?" I whispered.
She stood with her hands on the edge of the rail, looking out over the horizon, not answering my question. "I have a great desire to leave this place and go to the East."
"To the East? Leave Valinor? But why?"
"I can not stay here. I have such wants that cannot be fulfilled on these shores. Such a will to found a land of my own, and to rule a great city. I have gone as far as I can here in Valinor. There is nothing left for me here."
It was in that moment that she looked both beautiful and terrible, both loved and feared, and I trembled to see her standing before me. If she had torn my heart from my chest, the pain would not have been greater than what I felt. "And if you leave," I said softly, "There is nothing left for me here."
"You would come with me," she said.
"And be consort to the queen."
"No… and be my counsel."
"But not your equal," I accused.
She did not make reply, for I do not think she could bring herself to lie to me. "Erestor, you are wise beyond this world. You have a purpose greater than harvesting apples and picking berries. My brothers and I have had discussion about leaving here - they and their spouses and lovers would slip away secretly in the night. I would have you come with me."
"Are you mad?" I hissed. "What you speak of is against the will of the Valar!"
"The Valar will not miss a dozen stray elves!"
"A dozen? I count only ten."
"We can't expect Finrod and Orodreth to leave their sons here."
I shook my head. "Gildor and Halmir are but children, they should be left here, not to be cursed by the fate you are choosing for them."
"What am I to do?" Artanis turned, her eyes flashing in anger. "I am not destined for this, I can feel it. I know it. I will not remain here, imprisoned on an island that suffocates me, as a-" She bit her tongue upon seeing my face.
"As the wife of a farmer," I said bitterly.
"Erestor, I am offering you a chance to be greater than you ever could be here. There is opportunity for me across that sea," she said, pointing far off on the horizon. "I can offer you adventure and power. I can offer you freedom from this place. I can offer you true immortality - not what the Valar give us. Why live forever if no one remembers your name? Come, Erestor. Join me."
Sadly, I joined her at the railing, placing my hand shakily upon her cheek. Although my lips were quivering, I met hers in a deep and passionate kiss, and drew back, shaking my head. "I can't," I said, stroking the sides of her face. I ran my fingers through her hair one final time, kissing her upon the brow as I held back my emotions best I could. "I can't leave. Please, you don't have to go."
"Erestor, I do have to go." I read the confusion in her eyes as she asked, "What is there here for me? What can you give me that I cannot find across the sea?"
All I could give her was love. Love, it appeared, was not enough. I had no words left for her, save for one final plea. "Stay," I begged, gripping her hand in mine. The tears rolled down my cheeks before she had even left the balcony, and I sunk to the ground, cold and helpless, and frightened of what was to come.
