The Heart Won't Lie
By Carrie
Contact Email: ReynoldsWrapMeUp@mchsi.com
Main Characters/Pairings: Erestor/Arwen; Erestor/OFC
Rating: PG13
Summary: Erestor writes a letter to Arwen years after
her death to let her know how he truly felt.
Original Request:
Requested Pairing = Erestor/Arwen.... PG-13 - soft R,
something involving rain, firelight, birdsong. No sad ending,
bittersweet would be fine. Please DO NOT include = incest of any kind,
humour, pain, oh I don't know, nothing Nasty?
Notes: I hope that I met most of the requirements to this story. It
went through many incarnations before I was truly satisfied with it…I
used lyrics from "The Heart Won't Lie" by Vince Gill and Reba
McEntire and a couple of other quotes that seemed to work for my idea…
As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you. ~Toto
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My Dearest Arwen,
Looking back over the years
Of All the things I've always meant to say
But words didn't come easily
So many times through empty fears
It all started the day that you were born. I remember how happy
Celebrían and Elrond were. After the terror that was the twins, they
never thought that they would have a little girl.
The first time that I held you in my arms, I was lost. I looked into
your dark eyes, and I knew that you were the one. But in that same
instant, I also knew that you would never be mine.
I held you in my arms just gazing at you. I pulled you closer so that
I could smell that delightful new baby smell, and I was not
disappointed. Many parents, if not ALL, say that they have the most
beautiful baby in the world. Let me tell you that your parents did
indeed have the most beautiful baby ever. I have watched the many lives
of man pass, and I have seen many babies.
I have lived for a long time by myself, watching your descendants
grow. You would have been proud of them. They have done well for
themselves. But I would give anything if you would just walk through
that door just once more.
****
“Erestor, this is Arwen,” Celebrían said as she handed you to
me.
“My Lady, she is very beautiful,” I told her. “She has your
eyes and Lord Elrond’s colouring.” The Lady Celebrían just smiled
at me.
****
You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away
The first time that your parents presented you to the court as a
mature elleth, you took my breath away. Your smile lit up the whole
room. I remember asking you to dance, and you actually did dance with
me. For me it was the best night of my life.
****
I watch the most beautiful elleth that I had ever seen walk into the
room. I watched for what seemed like hours as you danced with the other
ellon in the room and as you made your way around talking to everyone.
I finally screwed up my courage, and went to ask you to dance.
“A.A.Arwen…” I stammered.
“Yes, Erestor,” you answered.
“May I have the pleasure of this dance?” I asked. “You know,
just to make sure that you followed Glorfindel’s lessons,” I said to
cover myself, lest you find out the real reason.
“Yes, Erestor.” You smiled at me as you took my hand and lead me
out onto the dance floor. “Besides, I was hoping a cute ellon would
ask me to dance, and here I am granted my wish,” you said as you
winked at me.
****
I had decided long ago that since I would never have you for myself,
that I would take what I could get from you. The friendship that you
gave so easily to me meant more than you could ever, and will ever know.
There are days that I wish you were here, but I know that you went
where you were meant to. You were destined to be the Queen. And I was
sincerely happy for you.
I was there the first time that you met Aragorn. He was just a tiny
person then. I think that they now call them toddlers. I have to admit
that he was a cute little guy. He was all eyes and hair, and I saw how
you fell for him right there. It was as if you knew that he was your “one,”
just as I knew you were mine. The difference is that I knew that I would
never have you in the same instant that I knew you were my “one.”
Long after tonight, after the fire
After the scattered ashes fly
Through the four winds blown and gone
Will you come back to me?
The day that we escorted you to Gondor to be their Queen was the
saddest day in my long life. It was actually sadder than the day that
you finally faded away, which if it hadn’t been for the promise that
you extracted from me, would have caused me to fade myself.
You made me promise to watch over your babies and their babies and so
on. You didn’t want them to be without a protector, you said. I wasn’t
a protector; I was a scholar, I told you. You just smiled that enigmatic
smile of yours that I can still see if I just close my eyes and I caved.
I would do anything for another smile of yours.
****
“Erestor…” you asked, barely above a whisper.
“Yes, little one.” I always called you that when you were sick.
And I was determined that this was all it was.
“Erestor, can you promise me one thing when I have gone to be with
Aragorn?” you asked.
“Do not talk like that. You will get better,” I admonished you,
although in my heart I knew that this was the end for you and I.
“I need someone, you, to watch over my babies for me. Make sure
that none of them ever get into trouble. Keep an eye on them, ALL of
them,” you whispered. “Please?”
“Arwen, you needn’t ask. Of course I will,” I told you.
Although, I was heartbroken inside. I wanted to sail, but I couldn’t.
I would do anything for you, and as you smiled at me, I knew that you
knew that.
That is why you made me promise to look after ALL of them. You wanted
to make sure that I would not fade myself. You were hoping that with a
task, I would never lose sight of that promise, and that I would go on
living.
****
You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away
There is one particular descendant of yours that I have actually
become rather close to. We are friends, just as you and I were once
friends. I have yet to tell her our secret though. I am not sure if she
would believe me, and that moment of doubt would kill me just as surely
as knowing that you and I would never be together almost did. She looks
just like you. I almost died when I first saw her. I thought that she
was you come back to me.
I know how foolish that sounds, but it is true. For a split second,
it was all of those ages ago back in Imladris.
****
“Erestor, this is Arwen…”
I blinked and shook my head. This was not Arwen.
“Tor, this is Ari, my sister,” my young friend told me.
“Pleased to meet you, Ari,” I said as I smiled at her. “You
remind me so much of someone I knew long ago. You even have similar
names.” So began a wonderful friendship.
****
I go by Tor now. It seems more acceptable in this day and age. I
might be able to let my true name be heard for the first time in
centuries, except, for now, there has been the publication of our story.
I am not sure how it happened. Someone else must be out there watching
because this Professor Tolkien guy got way too many details way too
correct.
Because of this, I may be able to finally let Ari know the full
details. I think she would be accepting, she is a scholar that studies
this Professor’s works. She even dresses as an Elven Princess, which
she has no clue that she truly is, for a holiday that they celebrate now
called Halloween.
There have even been movies made about our lives. They do not do you
justice, my love. There, I finally said it. You always were, are and
will be my love. Even though, I never could have you. You are my love.
Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel
the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you
to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.
I was never sure if you knew how I truly felt about you. I
instinctively knew that on some level you were aware of how I felt, but…I
guess I’ll never truly know. Even if you were to be blessed by the
Valar and be reborn, you would still not be for me. Your soul has always
been destined for Aragorn’s, and I hope that wherever you are right
now you two are together.
I hope that all of our sacrifices were not for naught. You were
destined to be with him, just as I was destined to watch over you two
and your descendants.
I have ignored the way that I feel for far too long and that is why I
write this. I hope that it not only brings me some measure of peace, but
that also in some way lets you know how I truly feel. How I will always
feel…
Love Always,
Erestor
****
Erestor laid the letter and the flowers at the ancient gravesite and
stepped back away from it. Staring at the crumbling stone figures on top
of the tombs he barely heard the footsteps come up behind him.
“Erestor, are you okay, love?” Ari asked him as she laid her hand
on his shoulder.
“I am far better now, than when I started writing the letter,” he
answered her.
“I am glad that you told me about her,” Ari said. “Somehow, I
think that I always knew it was all true. And I am glad that you finally
let your heart open again.” She blushed as she said this.
“I am glad, too, my love. And I know that Arwen would be happy for
us,” Erestor said.
“Maybe she knew that you were destined for me just as she was
destined for Aragorn, and that is why she asked you to watch over all of
us.” Ari continued, “It must have been lonely for all of those ages…”
“It was, but no longer will it be,” Erestor said as he lead Ari
away from the crumbling tombs in the ancient and deserted city of Minas
Tirith.
Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally
feel it. ~J.K. Rowling
