There were times when no one could seem to find Erestor late in the day. He would be at the evening meal, and then would disappear. Once darkness claimed the valley, he could be found many places – sometimes the library, and other times the Hall of Fire. Perhaps he would be singing a lullaby to little Arwen or sitting in the stables with his horses. Yet other times he might engage in cards with Melpomaen and the twins, or ask Glorfindel to share a glass of wine with him on the balcony.
It was the ‘in between time’ as Glorfindel called it that befuddled the golden warrior. Even with his skills of tracking and perception, he could not find where the dark one hid himself. Looking high and low, and even in places no one else considered – the hidden passages of the house, the loft in the barn, and even in the basement – Glorfindel could never seem to find his dark friend. He never thought to ask, for it seemed that had Erestor wanted anyone to know, he would have said something. On the other hand, Glorfindel was just too damned curious not to try to find out.
So it happened that by complete accident Glorfindel decided one day to hike up the slope of the valley. As dusk approached and he made plans to camp for the night, he turned to regard the sunset and stopped to stare.
The colors were not what mesmerized him, or the swirls of nearly spent clouds wafting across the sky. It was not the sun, either, though it was one of the things of nature that he himself greatly loved. Instead, what gave him reason to pause was the ellon whose back was to him. His exposed back, for this elf wore no clothing – it had been carelessly tossed aside in a heap of leggings, boots, and a comfortable robe.
Glorfindel was afraid to break the silence that lingered as he watched Erestor breathe deeply and tilt his head slowly and slightly back as a warm breeze swam by. “Good evening, Glorfindel,” greeted the deep, calming voice.
“Good.. good evening,” he replied, and feeling it was alright, he took a step closer. “Erestor, may.. may I ask what you are doing?”
Erestor took another few slow breaths, then eased his head to turn and look up at Glorfindel. “I come here to pray,” he answered. “To give thanks for what He has done and to ask Him to bless those I love and care for, and everyone else in this world.”
“Not the orcs, though,” joked Glorfindel.
A smile crossed Erestor’s face. “Even the orcs. Remember, they never asked for anyone to mutilate them; to destroy and mar the beauty that their Father gave to them. Their souls are no different from ours.”
Glorfindel chewed on his lip as Erestor looked back over the valley. The dark elf had his palms resting in the grass on either side of him. Finally, Glorfindel mumbled, “I did not mean to disrupt you.” He took a step away.
“You need not go.” Erestor waited for Glorfindel to return. “If you want to stay you can.”
Looking out over the valley, Glorfindel glanced down at Erestor and said, “It just seems odd. I mean, here you are, sitting in the nude on the ridge while I am just standing here. It just looks very strange; you sitting here naked.”
“Would you feel more comfortable if I were dressed?” questioned Erestor.
“I.. doubt that would much matter,” admitted Glorfindel. “Why are you naked anyhow?”
“Because when I come here, I feel most connected with everything like this. Just at the end of the day, sitting here, as He created me. You know,” continued Erestor, “it was not Eru who put it into our minds to wear clothing, it was the Ainur. They were the ones who were ashamed of and embarrassed by the way their hroar looked when they mirrored our forms. So they covered themselves. We followed suit. ‘Tis a shame,” sighed Erestor, stretching his legs out before him.
Without further discussion, Glorfindel loosened the laces of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it aside. The rest of his garments made it into the pile before he sat down upon the ground beside Erestor to look out over the valley. “Say a prayer that neither of the twins wanders upon us up here like this,” suggested Glorfindel, his cheeks tinged slightly red.
“What makes you think I had not already done so?” Erestor stretched his arms up over his head before maneuvering back into a cross-legged sitting position. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, folding his hands together before him.
“So... what should I say to Him?” asked Glorfindel after a few awkward minutes.
“Whatever you like,” answered Erestor.
Glorfindel sighed and shook his head. “I have no idea where to begin. Beyond a few desperate calls of ‘Dear Eru, do not let me die again’ and ‘Please Eru, do not let this be another balrog’, my experience is limited. What do you say to Him?”
Erestor stiffened slightly, but relaxed as another breeze washed over them. “Sometimes I... just tell Him about all of the good things that happened in my day and how wonderful I think He is. Sometimes I tell Him about those who are frustrated or suffering and ask Him to help them. Sometimes I tell Him about those who I love and ask Him to give His blessings to them. Sometimes I ask Him to make things in my life a little easier; sometimes I thank Him for what He has done for me. Sometimes, when I am frustrated, I sit and-“ Erestor took a breath. “I sit and cry and curse and ask Him why. But I have found there is always a reason why; sometimes it takes a long time to realize why. Luckily for me, He is always forgiving, even when I am most angered and saying things I should not,” admitted the dark elf. Erestor paused and said, “Does that help you?”
“A little, and yet, I still do not know what to say.”
Giving a nod, Erestor said, “There is a little prayer that I know, perhaps you are familiar with it, too, which I used to say when I did not know what to say. Even now I use it sometimes. Do you know ‘The Lord’s Prayer’?”
Glorfindel shook his head. “I just know the ones I made up about not meeting another balrog.”
A smile crossed Erestor’s lips. “I can teach it to you, if you like.” As Erestor spoke the words, Glorfindel repeated the lines:
Lord Eru
Who dwells among stars
Sacred is your naming
As is your will
To be fulfilled
Guide us in your singing
Help us to choose that which is our path
And forgive those who will forsake it
Give us shelter from the dark
And lead us into the light
For you are ever and forever the One
The power and glory eternally
Namar
Feeling soothed and more welcome now in these surroundings, Glorfindel looked down into the valley. From the way the trees grew and rocks jutted, one could not quite see the house, but he knew where it was hidden. He could, however, see the gardens, as well as the stable and a few other buildings like the forge, with smoke still billowing. Walkways and bridges made meandering patterns through the land, and horses grazed far below while elves and men alike went about finishing the final tasks of the day. “You really have a remarkable view up here,” he said.
“Mmm... can you imagine the view Eru has of everything from the heavens? All of Aman, all of the time.” Erestor’s gaze wandered back to the setting sun.
“How long have you been... religious like this?” asked Glorfindel, for though he knew Erestor observed the holy times as some of the others in the house did, he had never known the extent of Erestor’s beliefs. In all honestly, the way Erestor was talking to him reminded him of the way some of the extremely devout elves spoke. The ones he often avoided at dinner and made excuses about having to be elsewhere when they made attempts to talk to him.
Erestor sighed. “Oh... since around the time I left Valinor. I was at first, but then I left Doriath and I forget about things for a while. Eventually, I ended up in Greenwood where I was reminded of a lot of things, including the faith I thought I had lost. But, Fin, if this bothers you-“
“No. I really, really want to know,” confirmed the blond, giving his friend a serious look. “I always wanted to ask someone about these sorts of things, but...”
“You were afraid they would make you join them unconditionally and be upset at you had you not?” guessed the dark elf.
Glorfindel nodded. “I had that preconceived notion, yes. My father always said it was a scam, that things would happen the same whether anyone prayed to Eru or not. He said we were all in charge of our own destinies.”
“Fin, not to be incredibly rude, but your father had some very stupid ideas,” Erestor reminded him.
With a sigh, Glorfindel agreed. “This is very true. The fact is, though, I never knew how much of it to believe in, because I happen to be very unknowledgeable regarding it.”
“Well... there are different versions of the basic belief system. The root in most of them is, you believe that Eru is the One, and the only God that there is. Period. Most everyone, elves at least, believe this in some capacity. Then each specific group has their own particular laws, rules, and customs. My beliefs are stricter than, say, what Elrond and Celebrian practice, and much, much more so than what Galadriel believes,” explained Erestor. “Then there are a lot of other little groups that are somewhat similar to one or more of those sets of beliefs. Besides all of that, there are those who do not consider Eru to be anything at all, but they really have more of a lack of beliefs.”
“I am... so lost right now,” admitted Glorfindel.
“How to make this short... Alright, the basis of the religious beliefs I have is that there is one God, Eru, and that He created everything, and this is His world, and we live in it because He wills it so. I direct my prayers to Him, and practice special rules, such as... for instance, if I do something morally wrong, then I am supposed to find someone to listen to my transgressions, and then I ask forgiveness from Him, usually in the form of a lot of praying and meditating.” Erestor stretched his legs out again, and wiggled his toes. “Elrond, on the other hand, also believes that Eru is the one God, but he and Celebrian pray to the Valar, basically thinking that they will carry the messages to Eru. I suppose they do sometimes, but the thing that is forgotten is that Eru is all powerful; that is, He can listen while I am praying to Him, and if you are praying to Him at the same time, He can listen to both of us at once. The group Elrond belongs to has very few special rules to follow, which are basically things like, do not murder, do not steal and other such items – same things I am not supposed to do. But if they do these things, they just try not to do them again. There is no need to confess and do penance and such.”
“Galadriel, well, she believes that Eru is not all powerful, and she actually believes that the Valar are the ones who are and that Eru is more of a fairytale or a myth.” Erestor looked quite perturbed saying this. “So, she prays to the Valar, when she feels like it, and that is about the extent of what she does. Elrond, he prays when he wants to and when he needs to. I pray at least twice daily, and sometimes more than twice. Now, the other thing that I am supposed to do is spread the message to others; those who have other beliefs, well, they are encouraged to of course share them, but they are not charged with ‘saving others’ as it may be called.”
Glorfindel suddenly had the look of a deer about to flee. “Normally,” he said, “that is the phrase that would cue me to make up some excuse to leave.”
With a smirk, Erestor continued to watch the sun sink. “I am not one to go about trying to round up others and convert them. I feel that when someone is ready, they will come to me.”
“How do you find time to pray twice every day?” questioned Glorfindel.
“I just do. How do you find time to eat three times a day?” countered Erestor. “Eating takes far longer to do once a day than praying does to do so five or six or even seven times.”
“How do you remember to do it when you are supposed to?” pressed Glorfindel.
“When I wake up and before I go to bed, I pray. This,” explained Erestor, spreading an arm out, “is extra. When I am in my office thinking of someone who I think needs a little blessing, I pray. If I am walking down the hall or in the garden and pass someone, if my mind is not preoccupied, I say a little prayer for them. I have prayed millions of times while you or others have been around me, and I doubt anyone has ever noticed.”
“So, being that I never really officially joined with any of these religions, that would mean I do not have one and I can just pick any of them, right?” Glorfindel guessed.
Lying back in the grass to watch the stars overhead after the sun disappeared from view, Erestor said, “Yes and no. You would be considered Aphadsadorin, like Elrond. I have a feeling, even if your parents were not heavily practicing a religion, they would have had you blessed by Eru in some type of ceremony or another. That being said, since you do occasionally pray and you do believe in Eru, they would consider you part of their group. You would nearly qualify as Valabronwin, but you believe in Eru, so they would not be happy to accept you as one of them.”
“What about you? What would I have to do to, uhm...” Glorfindel fought for the phrase he had heard a few times before and then said, “join your flock, as it were.”
“Well,” said Erestor, becoming very serious, “first, you would need to be very sure that this is what you believe in and that there is not some other religion that would be better for you. There are others, all of them smaller than the Aphadsadorin, but most larger than Sedrynerin, so you have to understand, I am in the vast minority, practicing what many think is an archaic religion for a time long past. Now of course, in Valinor, things are quite different, but here in Middle-earth, you will find many, many less Sedryners.”
Glorfindel wanted to say he was sure, fairly sure, but since he was not entirely sure, he closed his mouth and licked his lips. “Alright. Once I figure that out, once I decide, yes, I believe in all you are telling me, then what do I need to do?”
“The first step is to make a declaration to Eru,” explained Erestor. “On your own, by yourself, you speak to Him. You tell him you understand He is the one true power and that you accept Him unconditionally as your Father. You also admit that you have done things He would not approve of, and you strive to be better – though, even He knows that none of us are perfect in that regard. Well, He is, obviously. Then, from that point on, theoretically, you are considered to truly be one of His children, and you would then be called, in practice, a Sedryner.”
“And you did that once?” Glorfindel decided to follow suit and began stargazing as they continued to talk.
Erestor nodded. “When we were sailing here, to Middle-earth, it was Oropher who told me what I am telling you. I had felt as if I had been forsaken – at the time, I was an Aphadsador because I was praying more to the Vala than to Eru and never had really followed any of the Sedrynerin rules – for starters, I had lived for quite some time with an elleth beneath my roof and in my bed that I was not wed to. On the long voyage, Oropher counseled me. He continued to while we were in Doriath. Things went downhill again, and I left before he managed to convert me,” Erestor said with a rueful smile. “When we were being attacked in Gondolin, I found a moment in a secluded spot in the midst of battle, and there I first truly spoke to the Lord, not just praying as I had before, but asking Him to take me into His heart as one of His children. When I reached Greenwood some time later, I told Oropher and Thranduil what I had done. Both of them were simply overjoyed about it. And there I completed the rest of the rites.”
“And those would be?” Glorfindel asked when Erestor did not continue.
After another pause, Erestor said, “Are you sure you want to listen to me drone on this? I could always find you a book on the subject.”
“I would really rather hear this from you,” admitted Glorfindel.
“I feel as if you are perhaps just humoring me.” Erestor turned to look at Glorfindel and said, “I mean no disrespect to you, and if you tell me goodnight right now and leave, I will have no ill feelings against you.”
“Erestor, for a long time,” said Glorfindel, propping himself up with one arm, “I have just felt.. lost. I think it was no accident that I came upon you here – how many others have discovered this hiding place?”
“You are the first and only,” realized Erestor, and so, he proceeded. “The first thing you do is to confess your sins. This you do to someone who has already been part of the faith for a while, usually someone you are very comfortable with as you will be telling them some very personal things. Oropher offered, but in the end, I asked Thranduil to aid me. It is a very emotional thing.” Here Erestor had to stop, and he was looking at some far away point, no doubt remembering that day. “I remember being scared and feeling terrible and, I will admit, crying a lot. Of course, I went in thinking, this is no great task, just a few minutes time. It ended with me sitting in a corner weeping while Thranduil sat beside me telling me how very happy he was and how proud he was of me. It was.. a little strange, but there is a certain feeling after of utter peace that has hardly been duplicated in any of my subsequent confessions – which, sadly, are few and far between not having anyone here in Rivendell whom I feel that comfortable with.”
“So, Oropher and Thranduil and their families – they are all like you?” asked Glorfindel, and Erestor nodded in confirmation.
“Oropher indeed was, and he was something of a spiritual leader, though not officially. Thranduil and his sons, they are all trained as ministers of our faith. They are allowed to do some of the things that the rest cannot – perform weddings and cleansings and things of that nature,” said Erestor.
“And next, you shall tell me you are as well.” Glorfindel smiled just as Erestor did.
“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Erestor’s eyes sparkled, an affirmation of sorts.
With a wider grin, Glorfindel said, “You presided over Elrond and Celebrian’s wedding. When I asked Celeborn why he did not, his answer was that they wanted it to be ‘official’, just in case. Now it makes sense – in case either of them decided to convert.”
“No, in case one of their children decided to,” laughed Erestor. At the confused look Glorfindel gave him, Erestor said, “If you marry and have children and they decide to practice Sedrynereth, then all they would need to do is declare and confess.”
“What do you do if you were just... born?” asked Glorfindel. “Or... reborn?” he joked.
“If you are not born to Sedrynerin parents, or parents whose marriage was performed in the Sedrynerin manner, then you need to be cleansed.”
“Like a bath?” Glorfindel suspected that it was not much like a bath at all, but Erestor shrugged.
“Something like that, I suppose. You go to a river or a lake or something like that with one of the ministers. Usually, there is an accompaniment of others from the faith, but that is not necessary. You go with the minister into the water, about where it is waist deep or so. Everyone else stays ashore while you and the minister have a little discussion – last chance to leave sort of thing. No one is angry if someone suddenly decides not to continue.” Erestor stretched his arms and yawned. “Then you are submersed with the minister there to make sure you do not drown, and when you stand again, you are officially and truly a son – or daughter if the case may be – of Eru. Most then observe a three day long fast and time of silent meditation, often in a secluded place outside. And then, there is a big celebration and... then you are a Sedryner.”
“So, the cleansing is mostly symbolic then,” Glorfindel assumed.
Erestor frowned. “Well it is, but at the same time, it is a very spiritual thing. If you are interested in knowing more, I have a book you can borrow. Also, if you wish to attend a cleansing, I am performing one in a few days.”
“Oh?” Glorfindel wondered who it was. The answer was forthcoming.
“Melpomaen. He told me a number of times that he thought his parents were Sedrynerin, but he was never entirely sure. Pity that they died when he was so young,” sighed Erestor. “He made the decision in the autumn, but I convinced him to hold off on this final rite until the waters in the Bruinen had a chance to warm up again.”
“But... will it be alright for a non-Sedrynerin to be there?” worried Glorfindel.
“You are curious, and we do not turn away those who feel they are being called to us.” Erestor reached over and took hold of Glorfindel’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “If you have any other questions for me, I am always here to answer them. If you decide this is not for you, I will respect that completely. Thank you for not running away from me or making an excuse for needing to be somewhere else like you do to the rest of the parishioners,” added Erestor as he stood up and retrieved his clothing from where he had left it hours earlier.
“You are welcome. Though, it would have been difficult for me to have left,” said Glorfindel as he pulled his shirt back over his head. “You see,” he confessed, “I... I tend to lie to them and say that I am on my way to speak to you about something.”
“Yes, I know,” chuckled Erestor as he finished dressing and headed back into the valley.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Glorfindel makes a discovery