She cautiously tiptoed from one side of the garden to the other, trying to figure out exactly where she was. There were steps, and she had climbed those, but there was nothing, just trees, and not like any forest she ever could remember. So now she was pacing, or wandering, and it was no surprise that she nearly walked into the large stone birdbath.
"What a silly place for a birdbath, and not even water in it for the birds," she said, and picked up a pitcher someone had discarded.
Walking to the little stream of clear water that flowed through, she tried to recall what had happened. She remembered driving, hoping she would get home just in time for dessert and feeling drowsy, and she must have dozed off just before heading toward the edge of the very high and perilous cliff she had been driving around. What she didn't know was that she had fallen into a portal that had dropped her right in the middle of-
"Lothlórien has always been friend to Imladris." Voices came from the top of the stairway, and she dropped the pitcher into the stream, leaving it to sink as she found a suitable hiding place.
"Yes, but I'm not from Imladris," protested a second, familiar voice. "If you launch an Imladris investigation, you'll soon learn that. In fact, I'm not even from Middle-earth."
Crouching behind a rather large rose bush, Zhie gasped as her hair fell forward into her eyes. In part, this was because her hair had never been so soft or shiny, or so bouncy, or so long, or so ripply before. But mostly, it was because she saw the Lady Galadriel and the Lord Celeborn, walking with her good friend, Mei, lagging behind them.
"Of course not," Galadriel said, shooting a worried look just over Mei's head to Lord Celeborn.
Zhie narrowed her eyes and craned her neck to see better. Something was definitely not right, beyond the fact that she was crawling around behind a rose bush in a strange place with elves. Mei was taller. Much taller. Way taller. And, she also had shiny, bouncy, fluffy hair, except hers was still striped with red, a drastic contrast to her now violet eyes. But there was something else, something that she could clearly see, and she noted now, without her glasses. In fact, Zhie wasn't sure where her glasses had gone to, except she didn't have them and yet she wasn't seeing a blur. What she was seeing was Mei's perfectly pointed ears.
Pushing back the bouncy, shiny, ripply locks that covered her own, Zhie let out a fairly loud, "Sonofabalrog," as she found the pointed tips of her ears.
- - -
"Kids are in bed and sleeping, lunches are ready, the dog has been out and the cat litter box is clean!" With a heavy sigh Laura sat on the couch only to get up an instant later. "Uniforms, I forgot the uniforms," she told Balam the golden retriever that followed her every step happily wagging his tail.
Once the kids' uniforms were ready she went over her mental list one more time. Convinced she was done for the day she grabbed a glass of juice, her tattered copy of the Silmarillion, and sat on the lounge under a lamp in the patio.
"Five minutes, maybe I can even stay awake for half an hour reading," she said before dozing off.
It was the batting of wings that woke her up from her dreams of wine and daisies. "What's that odd sound?" she asked no one in particular. The wind blew her shiny, long, curling tresses. So large was the bird staring at her as it approached the tiny spec of light that was her patio.
Thinking it was a dream Laura turned her head and tried to go back to sleep, only to be suddenly awakened by Balam's furious barking when the huge eagle grabbed her in his claws and took off.
"Let go of me!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. Her fists beat the large bird. "I said, let go of me, damn it!"
Balam kept barking, the house looking smaller and smaller. She yelled louder and louder, beating with closed fits harder and harder. Thorondor decided to teach her a lesson and once they were high enough opened his enormous claws and released his prey. Laura plummeted down. She had thought she could not scream anymore, but what a mistake that had been. The ground approached at an amazing speed when she finally closed her eyes.
If eagles smiled, this one did. Sweeping low he caught her and Laura landed in the soft feathers of his back, where she clung for dear life.
- - -
"... and the next thing I knew," explained Mei, "my computer had gone haywire, I was being literally sucked into it, and now, I'm here. I didn't come from Imladris, or Mirkwood or any of the other places, I came from California."
Zhie had already retold her story to the Lord and Lady, and now the pair of misplaced ex-mortals waited as Galadriel and Celeborn conversed with one another. Finally, Galadriel said, "These events were foretold in the mirror, but something makes me uneasy. I saw a third in the images I was shown."
Zhie and Mei exchanged looks. "So, stupid question. You saw us coming. Did you see us going back?" asked Zhie with a ray of hope. "My weekend is really booked, and I have tickets for a concert."
"I'm supposed to be at work right now. Evil company computer," mumbled Mei under her breath.
"I'm sorry," said the Lady. "I did not see that. But come, and rest, and we shall discuss this further after I have consulted with Lord Elrond. For now, I shall place you in the care of my most trusted wardens."
"Oh, to have the perils of being a warden," said the Lord wistfully.
His wife smiled, but did not answer him. "Haldir! Orophin! Rumil! Dinendal!" The four wardens appeared practically out of thin air, only to blink, mouths gaping, at the pair of newcomers. "Haldir, if you and Dinendal would be so kind to show Lady Mei to a guest talan and see to her needs; Orophin and Rumil, the same, but for Lady Zhie."
Lord Celeborn, giving a longing look at the two who had graced his woods with their presence, said, "Perhaps I should-" He was interrupted by a most unusual sound.
- - -
When she finally dared to open her eyes she knew she was no longer home, the orange glow of the city was not visible anymore. Huge trees were beneath, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she had seen the landscape before.
"Damn! You brought me to Middle Earth didn't you? Now you tell me who will take care of my family? Who will clean the litter box? Huh? Huh?" Thronodor shook his large head and flew lower; Laura felt she could almost touch the top of the trees if only she would reach down.
"Wake up! Wake up Laura! Come on, wake up, now!" she kept telling herself. When the large bird made an unexpected turn and she slid, panic gripped her. She fell off his back and this time he made no attempt to catch her.
"Ohhhhhhh!! Shiiiiii…….!" She heard herself scream as the green canopy approached her too, too fast. Her arms covered her face to protect it from the branches, but to her surprise she felt none. It was as if the trees had made way for her to land, in fact, it seemed she was slowing down instead of gaining speed in her fall.
Descending almost like a feather blown in the wind she landed amid the strangest company. It was as easy as falling onto a bed of pillows.
"Mei?"
Turning around quickly she gasped.
"Zhie?"
Zhie walked over and reached out to lift up Laura's hair. "Pointy ears. Somehow, I'm not surprised."
"How fortunate you have arrived, and yet, how unfortunate," spoke Lady Galadriel.
Without further explanation of anything to poor Laura, whose lashes fluttered over confused golden-speckled green eyes, Lady Galadriel began to replan. "Orophin, I shall need you and your brother- no, not you, Haldir, Rumil- to show Lady Laura to a guest talan, and... oh, poo, I've run out of trustful wardens." Turning to the ladies, Galadriel said,
"You see, I always pair them up, that way one won't try to take advantage of a poor, innocent maiden." At the words `innocent maiden', all three had to try very, very hard not to laugh. They didn't want Lady Galadriel to have hurt feelings, and soft blankets were something they all very much desired at the moment. Lord Celeborn placed a hand on Lady Galadriel's shoulder.
"My dear, I can see to Lady Zhie's... accommodations," he said, easing his wife's grief. "I shall return as promptly as I am able," he told his wife, more than eagerly tucking Zhie's arm into his and pulling her close to his side. "Shall we, then?" He started off without further word to a small clutch of trees down the hill, his silvery eyes meeting her fiery opalescent ones.
Traveling in another direction, Mei and Laura began to discuss the odd circumstances as they walked, a Lórien elf on each side of each of them. "Uh, Haldir," said Mei, "you, well, you needn't walk so very close." She somehow could sense Haldir's temptation. It was as if they all could tell that every elf in the forest wanted them.
"Nonsense, m'lady," he said. "I am here to protect you from the likes of orcs, and wargs, and Lurien," he added as they nearly ran into the elf in question. He raised a brow at them, but did not follow as the party continued. Something could be heard from in moments later about him being a better choice and cleaning up after Haldir's attempts as he walked off.
" `Luscious' Lurien strikes again," mumbled Orophin to Rumil, who snickered.
They passed by Thandronen and his twin sons, Ferevellon and Fereveldir. Haldir, his brothers, and Dinendal all politely bowed their heads, and the other wardens did the same, and then Ferevellon's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"Never have I seen such beauty," he told his twin brother, whose chest was heaving in pure lust at the sight of them. "My brother, there are two of them, and two of us, and-"
"There are four of us," shouted Orophin, his acute elven hearing picking up their words.
"So... nyah." Leaving two elves with looks of rejection and one old married elf who was still casting his eyes over the newcomers with obvious appreciation, Mei rolled her eyes.
"Look, we're not that good looking, so cut out the act," she said, tossing her bouncy hair over her shoulder. The four elves looked aghast.
"Not-"
"-that-"
"-good-"
"-looking," finished Dinendal. "My word, the light of two trees is in your face, and the stars of Elbereth alight your eyes," he said, putting his hand upon her cheek. "These hands, so delicate and gentle, yet holding the strength able to grasp a sword or a bow. This skin," he said, taking up her hands in his and holding them to his breast, "soft as the petals of a rose, and pale as the full moon. Ai! I think I am in love," he admitted, taking to one knee before her.
"Yeah, okay." She pulled him back up. "Where is the guest tree? I need a nap." This did not seem to daunt Dinendal, who, with Haldir, happily led her towards the large guest tree in the distance.
Looking around, Laura spotted a lovely, cozy looking tree. It was a little homely in appearance, but it looked quite inviting. "Is that one being used by anyone?" she asked.
"Oh, that one." Rumil crinkled his nose. "You don't want to use that one," he said. Orophin nodded in agreement.
"Why not?" Laura halted their progress. "It looks so nice. And far less stairs to climb."
Orophin took hold of her hand and tried to pull her away. "Because the hidden talan is the one for the Imladris delegation, and though there are spare rooms, you would not want to be in there, for Lord Elrond's advisors are visiting, and they are so terrible to deal with."
"Always, Erestor mourning his loss of Galadriel when they were young, and Glorfindel, well..." Rumil shook his head.
"What?" asked Laura. "What's the matter with Lord Glorfindel?"
"He's... let's say his arrows don't fly as straight as everyone else's," replied Orophin. "If his was the last arrow in the quiver, so to speak, you would be spending many lonely nights alone. So, he's been trying to jump on Erestor's rebound for years, despite the fact that Erestor does not swing that way."
"Correct me if I'm wrong," said Laura, taking a few steps toward the tree, "but after a year or two, it seems it wouldn't count as a 'rebound'."
"We're elves!" Orophin reminded her. "A year, two, two thousand, two ages, it doesn't really matter." He crossed his arms. "You can go if you like, but we're not coming with you, no matter how irresistible you are."
"Um, thank you. I think," she said, walking down the path to the cozy tree. She did not catch the other two Lórien brothers backside gazing as she went.
Laura climbed the ladder like an expert, and knocked on the door of the main flet. She heard a voice as someone approached. "...and really, if you're going to be like that, then we should just go home and-" The door opened to reveal a most spectacular elf, majestic and regal, golden hair brushed to shine like the sun. His body perfect in every way, and he was dressed in warm colors, the velvet complementing his honeyed voice. Everyone loved him; Ellyth wanted him and Elves wanted to be him. In other words, if he had been born a woman, he'd have been the perfect Mary Sue. After only the third kiss, Glorfindel would swear years later that that was all it took from this elleth to turn him straight.
"Glorfindel? Who is at the door?" Another elf approached, and perhaps if Laura had not been engaged with kissing the first elf who opened the door, she would have noticed the second. He contrasted the elf she was currently attached by the lips to, but not severely. Dark, ebony tresses hung down his back, curling to graze the back of his knees. Hugging his legs was black leather, and spilling off his lithe but muscled frame a shirt of midnight blue silk. His chocolate eyes widened at the scene before him, and he gently but firmly came between them, pulling the lady into his own arms. "Glorfindel, do not tease her."
Erestor looked down into the beautiful face, dark pools capturing her sparkling green ones. "My dear, welcome to the Imladris Embassy. May we... assist you in any way?"
There was quite a lot of assistance given from both ambassadors of Imladris that night.
- - -
News of their coming traveled wide and far, rumors of the beauties that now resided in the Golden Woods spread like wild fire. Some spoke about them in fear, some in awe. The fact remained all spoke about them.
"So, Mei," asked Laura as they strolled nearby the Celebrant, "what did you do yesterday?"
"Oh, the same as usual," she said with a small shrug, swinging the magic sword she had been given by Gandalf back and forth in perfect arcs. "Went to the borders with the boys and slew orcs. I think I killed at least three thousand, perhaps four Had nearly a thousand of them hitting on me – well, all of the ones that it took two strikes to kill. Then I twisted my ankle and my wrist and had a boo boo on my knee, but luckily, Dinendal was there to carry me back. What were you up to?"
Laura bent down to pick a perfect unthorned rose from a vine. "Oh, nothing all that exciting. I spent the day with Lady Galadriel in her garden, teaching her how to channel her powers better to focus her readings from the mirror. Honestly, it's amazing this place didn't fall to ruin during the War of the Ring." Tucking the rose behind her ear, she asked, "Zhie, what were you doing yesterday?"
Nearly jumping at the sound of her name, Zhie said, "What, who? Me? Well, uh, nothing, just as boring as the rest of you. I wasn't responsible for Lord Celeborn's mysterious disappearance or anything else for that matter, my, what a lovely day, it appears just a little cloudy, with a chance of chocolate covered elf lords. I mean rain," she said quickly, and went back to watching the butterflies.
Before the other two could question the (in relative terms) youngest elleth of the group, the sound of thunder caught their attention. Looking up at the bright sky, they were confused as to where the noise came from until they saw a pair of horses in the distance, and upon them, riders wearing the colors of Mirkwood approached...
