"Haldir and I are going to go around to the back and sweep through the trees," announced Glorfindel after he sidled his horse next to Elrond's. The peredhel nodded, and motioned two of the guards to go along, but Glorfindel shook his head. "I see no need. I would feel safer if they were with you. I doubt we are being followed, but it would grieve me to find I was wrong." Again, Elrond gave his consent, and Glorfindel pulled away, motioning to Haldir that he should follow.
Cringing inwardly, Haldir tugged on the reigns of his mount and backtracked with Glorfindel. Why the seneschal could not have taken one of his brothers was beyond Haldir, but the pain of the extra riding was not. He winced as his horse took a misstep and caused him to be rocked more than he would have liked. Cursing as they headed deeper into the dying trees, he clutched the reigns even tighter. There had been a time when he would have ridden without stirrups or saddle or anything else, but it seemed those days were gone, at least for a time. He had not even been able to mount his horse without help.
"I heard nothing pass behind us," spoke Haldir rather loudly as they traveled what he deemed was a ridiculous length behind the rest of the party.
"Ha-shush," scolded Glorfindel. He surveyed the spot they had come to and dismounted, then came to Haldir's horse and offered his hand. "You need rest," he whispered.
Now understanding, Haldir swung one leg over the horse and immediately regretted it. Closing his eyes and swallowing his pride, he merely slid off of the horse and let Glorfindel be the one to manage how he would make it safely to the ground. "There, not so bad," the golden elf said, leading Haldir to a sturdy looking tree trunk. "I thought we might take a break, we're nearly to the city now," explained Glorfindel.
Haldir nodded his thanks as Glorfindel handed him a small flask. He knew without sniffing or tasting what it was, and sipped the sweet peachy-berry liqueur. "I should have stayed in Lothlorien," he said finally.
"Why? I think this will give you something to do other than think of the pain," said Glorfindel, finding a rock opposite Haldir to prop himself against. "When we returned from Dagorlad, my first thought was to lock myself in the barracks. But, Erestor made a valid point that it was not worth it to mourn death, and that we should instead celebrate life. So I came to Lothlorien, for the celebration held by your parents. I am glad I did – there were two elflings there much in need of a tutor, and thus it came to be that I stayed in Lorien for some time. Near two hundred years, I believe," he added.
"Erestor," repeated Haldir. "He has surprised me much these past weeks."
"Aye, he does tend to do that," chuckled Glorfindel. "He's a very special sort of elf."
Smiling, Haldir rubbed his eyes after setting down the flask. "No, the pain I am getting used to--"
"Liar," proclaimed Glorfindel, "but keep telling yourself that."
"Fine, I'm not getting used to it. I am, and yet I'm not." Haldir sighed. "That isn't why I don't want to be here. It's because of… her…"
"Mmm." Glorfindel scratched his back against the rock and said, "You've not told her, then. Ever, that is."
"Never. How could I do such a thing? With the history of our family such as it is?" Haldir shook his head. "My mother discouraged the speaking of Feanor's name not because she was embarrassed by it or the curse or the kinslaying or anything of the like. It was because of his unnatural lust for her, and I know that only from what my father has told me. I will never place Arwen in that position. I never wish her to feel discomfort in that way. Ever."
"But you, Haldir, what of your mind? Will you ever be at peace?" questioned Glorfindel. "There is still time – true, it may start a war between men and elves, but then again, Estel was always the understanding type, and he's likely to forgive you. After a time."
"No, Glorfindel, my mind is set," Haldir said. "Her happiness is my concern, it was the reason I went to Helm's Deep to fight. To be sure Estel was safe. If she is happy, I am happy."
"You say that now, but surely, Haldir, seeing them marry, watching them as the time passes, seeing their children, their grandchildren, surely, this will break your heart," said Glorfindel, his voice full of remorse.
"No, my heart will not be broken. She may stay with him here while he lives, but at the end of his life, she may still sail West. She does not need give up her immortality to love him."
"Aiya, Haldir, you poor soul," replied Glorfindel, his voice full of sorrow. "You are still so young and idealistic. Child, she will not sail. I fear I will break your heart with my words, but you must know."
"Know what?"
Glorfindel closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Know that my heart grieves for you. For both of you," he added.
"She…" a tear slid down Haldir's cheek. "Undomiel…"
"I am so very sorry, Haldir, but there is no longer any ship that can take her to Valinor, save the one she boards in death."
