Celeborn, I am here on a most urgent matter.
My apologies, Elrond, but if you had read the fine print you would have learned there were no exchanges or refunds.
What?
You are stuck with Celebrian. Deal with it.
Celebrian? She sailed years ago... I am talking about the ass grabbing epidemic that is plaguing my realm.
Oh! This I certainly must see. To the Bat-mobile, Robin!
Er...
LATER>>>
Welcome to the Council of Elrond.
I have called this council to discuss a very grave matter.
Lord Celeborn and I have compared travel records, and we have come to the conclusion that there is one similarity between the times the, ah, 'Ass Grabbing' incidents have occurred here and occurred in Lothlorien. The only time it happens in Lothlorien is when Lord Glorfindel is visiting, which is when it is not occurring here. Lord Glorfindel, do you know what this means?
This is serious! It means someone must be following my every step, and when they are not on my trail, they are causing an immense amount of chaos by grabbing asses!
You do not actually think I am that stupid, do you?
*mumbling* It was worth a try...
Wait a moment - there already was a Council of Elrond.
I think we should call this the Council of Celeborn!
*SNICKERS*
Glorfindel, this is a serious matter!
I absolutely agree!
And if everyone would just stop backing into my open hand, then we would be done with this confusion!
Why must you test my patience so?
'Tis true! I have this... involuntary hand twitch.
Old Gondolin war wound.
From the Balrog.
Makes my hand clench up at the worst possible times.
Now that is completely ridiculous. You were healed when you were reborn.
I beg to differ. I am fairly certain that the damage done when his parents dropped him on his head as a child was not reversed.
Erestor, that was mean.
No, not really. That was just honest.
Being mean would be saying something such as, your father-in-law is an idiot, or, your hair looks like a small mammal burrowed into it and died.
Wait, those are both true statements, too...
That is QUITE enough!
He brings up a good point, Elrond.
Your hairstyle is SO second age.
*SIGH*
*WHINNY-WHINNY-SNORT*
(Translation: Now you know how I feel!)
So... do I get to keep grabbing asses, or what?
~END?~