So, Glorfindel, how are things going for you this war?

Pretty sucky, really. Except I haven't died in this one. Yet. But still, pretty sucky. You?

Great! I've grabbed eight asses this morning!

Well, that's... disturbing.

Why are you grabbing asses?

What else is there to do?

No ellyth, no wine, no fabulous councils named after my herald. I had to discover some sort of hobby. What have you been doing?

Well, killing orcs mostly, and trying to keep the world from falling into the hands of evil.

However... ass grabbing. Sounds a little complicated.

Trust me, Glorfindel, it's easy!

Why... even you could do it. All you have to do is put on these ruby slippers, click your heals together and say, there's no place like home three times.

Hmm... okay.

There's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no place like home.

... now what?

Hmm? Oh, I just wanted to see how you'd look in those.

Now we get to the ass grabbing. All you need to do is open your palm, find an ass, and grab it.

Like this?

*YOINK*

Umm... no, that wasn't so good. Give it another go.

Okay.

*GROPE*

Ugh... no. No, not good. Maybe you shouldn't take up ass grabbing...

Wait, give me another chance! I'm so close, I can feel it!

*GRAB*

How was that?

Perfect! You are ready.

Score!

Hey, how come you have all these emotions and pictures, and I only have this one?

Do you see this ring, Glorfindel?

Wow, your ring gives you the power to control the pictures?

No, I just like to show it off. Now, to complete your training, you must...

grab Sauron's ass!

**Later**

So, my plan is, as soon as Glorfindel distracts Sauron, we will rush forward and conquer him!

You sent Glorfindel? Why not me? I wanted to go. I'm your herald!

There's a good chance he's going to get himself killed, Elrond. If I sent you, there's a good chance you'd have died.

And then, who would I have given my ring to when I died?

Oh, alright. ...wait, what do you mean, when you die?

Galadriel told me before I left. Stupid mirror. Alright, quiet everyone, he's about to do it...

Do what? What's he doing?

Did... did he just grab Sauron's ass?

Success! Forward, to victory!