“I thought you said you did not think he would pass out!” Legolas paced a few steps and then dropped back down to the level of the dwarf. “Gimli! Gimli!” His attempts to wake the dwarf were fruitless. Standing back up to face the Galadhrim, he pointed a finger at Haldir’s nose. “This is all your fault!”
“Not I,” laughed Haldir. “I warned him not to take more than a sip of it.”
Legolas went back to the ground to prop Gimli against the tree better. “He will sleep it off, will he not?”
“Aye. Though a long sleep it shall be, my friend.” Haldir noted the sun in the sky and added, “I must be off to patrol the inner city. If you leave the dwarf here, no harm should come to him, I assure you. It would be a shame to spend your last day in Lorien tending to a drunken dwarf.”
Legolas nodded. “Not that I would mind tending to him, but he hardly needs tending to.”
The two elves walked away after Legolas was satisfied that Gimli would not awake with a sore neck or back. For some time, the dwarf rested against the tree, undisturbed by man or nature, until a pair of rather gorgeous male elves happened to walk by.
At first they continued right past, deep in contemplation of those things which plaque the minds of those living eternally. Then, without a word, they looped back around, stopping in front of the dwarf.
“You’re right, Rumil – they’re even uglier in the light of day,” whispered the taller one, peering closer at Gimli.
“And up close. He still continues to reek, even after a bath.” The prettier one scrunched up his nose, and then slowly smiled. “Do you remember what Haldir used to tell us about dwarves, Orophin?”
“That they smelled funny, they were ugly, and they sometimes ate small elflings,” nodded Orophin with disgust.
“That, and the other thing. You remember,” Rumil said with a sly and twisted smirk.
Orophin thought for a moment, then realized. “Oh!” He hushed himself, then continued to whisper. “That they don’t wear any undergarments! I do remember those tales he told us!”
“Do you think them to be true?” wondered Rumil.
Orophin’s eyes lit up. “We’ve got one right here, we could find out the answer to the, forgive the expression, age old question.” Orophin frowned then. “Oh, but one of us would have to do the checking.” His gaze slid to Rumil.
“No, no, dear brother. I will not let you trick me into performing such a task simply because I am the youngest! I have been down that path before!” Rumil stepped back from the dwarf.
“Well, I shall not do such a thing! Just brushing against him, I’m sure I would smell the stench for many months to come!” Orophin crossed his arms.
“Then we shall never know, perhaps.” Rumil sighed, and began to stroll away. “For we shall leave for the coast soon, and everyone knows there are no dwarves in Valinor.”
Orophin grimaced. “Dwarves in Valinor – what a dreadful thought.” Looking down at the dwarf again, he placed his hands on his hips. “If we both pulled down a leg of his breeches, and did it quite quickly, we may avoid disaster.”
Rumil came back around and dropped to the forest floor. “You have a deal, then, brother.”
Orophin nodded, and crouched next to the dwarf’s other side. Together, they swiftly debreeched the unknowing dwarf, and were squatted on either side, gawking at the sight.
“Well, certainly no, uhm, undergarments to be found here,” Orophin finally managed.
“It’s…it’s…it’s so…” Rumil stuttered.
“I know, I can see that,” Orophin assured him. A few minutes more passed before either said anything. “Well, right then. Let’s get these back up on the fellow before he wakes or before someone finds us here.” Orophin began to grip the side of the dwarf’s breeches closest to him, but he was stopped by Rumil.
“Let’s leave him a souvenir of his time here in Lothlorien,” grinned Rumil, untying the blue silk sash from his quiver.
“You are…definitely beyond words, brother,” Orophin said, shaking his head as Rumil tied a large bow before they hoisted the dwarf’s pants back up and quickly ran to the nearest bathhouse.
- - -
It was nightfall before Gimli awoke, and only for his need to relieve himself of all of the wine he’d imbibed the night before. Staggering to the nearest clump of bushes, Gimli drew up his tunic and dropped his pants – and stared down in disbelief. In a shaky voice, the dwarf murmured, “Lad, I don’t know where you’ve been, but I see you’ve won first prize…”
Blue Ribbon by Zhie