"Would I lie about something like this?"
"Yes."
"Probably."
"Without a doubt."
Lindir let out an exasperated sigh. "Just because I lie about other stuff does not mean I would make this up."
"Well, it sounds ridiculous," stated Gildor with obvious skepticism.
"It is ridiculous," corrected Glorfindel. They were all sitting in the Hall of Fire, long past the time that most people remained. Families had long left; husbands whose wives awaited them trickled out as the night wore on. Those who were still clustered around the single lit fireplace were the bachelors – no need to answer to anyone, and sadly, no one to answer to. They had talked about all of the respectable things, and inevitably, the conversation had ended up here, to the point where Glorfindel nudged Erestor and said, "Tell him how ridiculous it is."
The thoughtful look on Erestor's face slowly morphed to one that was quite serious, but he shrugged and said, "Would be nice if it was."
"He made it up- look at the grin on his face," added Gildor.
"That was not the reason for my mirth," explained Lindir. "I was just thinking, perhaps Erestor's reason for hoping for such a change was due to..." Lindir wiggled has little finger.
"Most certainly not," growled Erestor defensively. Glorfindel shook his head as well, which caused Gildor to raise his brow.
"And how do you know such a thing?" questioned Gildor. Though he and Glorfindel were no longer lovers, there was still some amount of possessiveness on Gildor's part.
Glorfindel picked up a steel rod and poked at the fire. "I make it my business to know as much as possible about everyone in the valley."
"Including penis size," laughed Gildor.
"Someone must keep track of such information." Glorfindel looked around the room. "We seem to have scared everyone else away."
Erestor shook his head without looking. "They left hours ago."
All of them stared into the fire for a while, until finally Lindir asked, ''So... Are we going to try?"
"Better than sitting here doing nothing," declared Gildor, and the quartet assigned Lindir to retrieve a substantial amount of Elrond's stash of pipeweed. Upon bringing it back, the conversation soon became much sillier, the laughter louder, and the atmosphere a bit friendlier than anticipated.
---
There was a hint of sunlight coming through the window. It was this which made Erestor open his eyes and take note of the fact that there was an arm draped around his waist. The arm, obviously attached to someone, meant someone else was in the bed with him. It was warm and cozy, though, and his mind was still hazy from the previous night. Warm breath on the back of his neck was somewhat calming, until he recalled that everyone who partook in the 'does smoking pipe weed cause your penis to increase in size' experiment actually had a penis attached to them.
The events of the night were difficult to recall. Hall of Fire... pipe weed... and then a big blank. As it was, he did not even know where he was at the moment. He had never been in Glorfindel's rooms, nor did he know what Lindir's bedroom looked like. On the other hand – perish the thought – he might have been in the guest room Gildor was using. For that matter, there was always a chance he was in someone else's room completely.
With few options available, and curiosity growing, Erestor turned his head to peek over his shoulder and steal a look at whoever was snuggled up against him. He had to close his eyes and look a second time before the reality set in. Immediately, he sat up and shoved the other elf away from him.
Gildor awoke with a start, harshly pushed out of the wonderful dream he was having. He felt the blanket sliding away, and grabbed for it, yanking part of it back to him. "What the... oh... is it morning already?"
"What the fuck are you doing in here with me?" demanded Erestor as he pulled at the sheets in an attempt to cover himself further, noticing
now that they were both completely undressed.
Gildor tightened his grip on the part he had hold of. "Me? What the fuck are you doing?" He finally looked beyond the bed, to the walls, and furrowed his brows. "Where are we ?"
Erestor gave up the blanket battle and lifted the edge up to his neck. "I assumed this was your guest room."
"Strange. Must be someone's guest room. I can not imagine us wandering into a stranger's room to—"
"Hold on," interrupted Erestor. "I do not want you and I mentioned as 'us', no matter the circumstances. I agreed to be civil, not to share a pronoun with you."
"There is a chance we shared more than a pronoun," smirked Gildor, "if you get my drift. We are in the same bed together."
"That means nothing!" hissed Erestor.
"You were cuddled up to me," added Gildor.
Erestor narrowed his eyes. "You, sir, were cuddled up to me. It was certainly not the other way around."
Gildor chuckled in the midst of Erestor's sentence. "Either way, there was cuddling, dear."
"Do not call me that." Erestor was fuming, sitting up now, blanket covering only his waist down. Gildor's eyes wandered over smooth muscles, only half listening to what Erestor was saying. "We did not do what you are suggesting. There is no way we would have, under the influence of that pipe weed or otherwise. And stop looking at me like that!" Erestor dropped back down with a disgusted sigh in order to draw the blanket up further.
Absolutely delighting in the unrest being caused, Gildor reached out and ran his hand across Erestor's cheek, and promptly had it slapped away. "You never know- I cannot recall a thing."
"Neither can I," mumbled Erestor. "But I do know that I would never sleep with you."
"In a way you just were."
Erestor scowled. "You know what I mean!"
"Of course. The thought of such a relationship repulses you," stated Gildor.
"That is a lie. I have nothing against anyone who wants to be in that sort of partnership."
Gildor propped himself up on his elbow. "But you would not want to be part of one. Fin mentioned you were still too hung up on the idea of marrying an elleth to give him a chance."
Erestor narrowed his eyes again. "What else did Glorfindel tell you?"
"After you and I... spoke... the other night, he and I had a little chat. We agreed that when he comes to Valinor if he and I are not seeing anyone that we will try to rekindle things," explained Gildor. He took note of Erestor's sour expression. "You look upset- jealous?"
"Stay away from him."
"Ah, so there is some hope for the two of you after all... Mmm... your hair smells nice," he said suddenly, dipping his head to sniff at the long, dark tresses that were spread over the pillows and sheets.
''Stop smelling my hair," said Erestor warningly.
With a loud and cheerful laugh, Gildor lifted his head mischievously and said, "Smelling your hair may well be the tamest thing you have done with me tonight."
"Look, as much as you might think to flatter yourself, I am extremely doubtful that anything untoward happened last night."
"Before or after we took measurements and smoked a significant amount of longbottom leaf?" mused Gildor.
"Besides that!" exclaimed Erestor. He paused. "Did you hear that?"
"Sounds like... someone in the next room," agreed Gildor.
A few moments later, someone knocked on the door and then let themselves in. "How are you feeling?" asked Glorfindel.
"Terrible," answered Erestor at the exact time that Gildor said, "Fabulous."
Lindir entered the room as well, and his eyes widened as the pair in the bed sat up. "Did you take their clothing off?"
"No – well, I took off, um, Gildor's," admitted Glorfindel. "He always sleeps naked, so..." Glorfindel coughed uncomfortably. "Erestor should still have his pants on, well, unless he went to take another measurement or something. Sorry about this, but we did not want either of you to wake up alone still influenced by that stuff, so we brought you here to Lindir's room. Unfortunately, there is only one bed, so..."
"But you seemed pretty friendly last night," added Lindir.
"How friendly?" asked Erestor in a worried voice.
Lindir and Glorfindel both attempted to mask their laughter. "Firstly, we could not get the two of you to stop smoking that stuff – and, by the way, it does not really do anything to the size of your penis, it just makes you think it does," Lindir informed them.
"Who cares about that – what did we do?" demanded Erestor.
"Was I naughty?" asked Gildor with a slight smirk.
Erestor rolled his eyes. "I certainly hope not."
"Well..." Glorfindel gave them a sheepish look. "You did have a lot of pipe weed..."
"What happened?" questioned Erestor in a no-nonsense tone.
"One of you... basically groped the other, and then the one who was groped kissed the other one," answered Lindir.
Erestor now looked mortified, while Gildor appeared to be awfully pleased with himself. "Who did what?" insisted Erestor.
Lindir scratched his head. "You know, I had so much to smoke myself, I cannot recall."
Erestor scrambled from the bed on one side, while Gildor simply smirked victoriously. "No one – NO ONE – is ever told of this," warned Erestor to everyone in the room.
"No doubt – it would mean admitting to stealing the vast majority of the pipe weed," agreed Lindir. "Despite how entertaining it would be to tell everyone I saw the two of you in bed together, I fear Elrond's wrath at having no longbottom for the rest of the winter even more frightening!"
Story Notes:
*huggles* to Nui for the title!