Wasting little time when he finished writing the reports Elrond requested, Glorfindel did not even stop in his old room in the Last Homely House before going back to the cathedral that he truly felt was his home. His body and mind had not forgotten his sword or his technique, and he fought fiercely, but now, his desire was to return to the simple comforts of home - and of course, to Erestor.
He halted upon entering Nienna's Halls, wondering if he needed to ask her forgiveness for having left so abruptly. 'But then, I only did what was requested of me, not what I wanted to do.' Truth be told, he would have much preferred to have stayed shrouded in his dark robes and in the peaceful cathedral, rather than venture back out into the world he had left behind.
From the front of the room, kneeling at the altar, he saw Erestor with his head bowed in prayer. Glorfindel walked to him and knelt beside him. Bowing his head, he felt the comfort he had missed wash over him like a shower of tears from the lady herself. A light touch on his shoulder caused him to turn his head slightly while his hands remained clasped together and his thoughts contemplative in his silent meditation. "Welcome home," said Erestor. His usually solemn tones were replaced with something else - filled with relief, thought Glorfindel, but he accepted this as the relief of a friend.
"Thank you, Brother Erestor. It is good to be back," he answered before looking back to the statue and bowing his head once more.
“It is good to have you back. I missed you,” said Erestor before looking back to the great stone statue before them.
Glorfindel slid his gaze briefly to the side, and contemplated Erestor’s words. Surely, it was just the high priest’s usual concern, his nature to think such a thing. There could be no underlying meaning, Glorfindel scolded himself. He had been away too long and truly, it was his mind playing tricks. He cleared his thoughts once more and began to pray.
~*~*~*~*~
Dinner was normally a quiet affair, giving both priests time to reflect upon the day’s work. This evening was peculiar, as Glorfindel unexpectedly found that not only had Erestor already prepared the meal, but he had also chosen the things that Glorfindel often favored. Having never told Erestor what he liked and disliked, Glorfindel found this strange, but stranger yet was the request to be told about the events that had transpired during his absence. The blonde obliged, and carefully glanced up at his companion now and then, who spoke only to prompt further stories. Erestor barely touched his meal, his concentration seemingly upon Glorfindel.
“Is something the matter?” Glorfindel finally asked.
Erestor started, and blinked. “What? No. Nothing,” he replied as he quickly looked back to his plate.
“Are you sure?” questioned Glorfindel. “You seem on edge.”
“It’s... I’m just...” Erestor sighed and placed his utensils shakily down and looked at Glorfindel for what seemed a veritable eternity before taking a deep breath as one who was about to plunge into ice water would. Leaning across the small table where they had shared many meals over the many years before Glorfindel’s departure, Erestor placed one hand to Glorfindel's cheek, while the other was pressed flat against the table to balance himself. Dropping his fork in shock at what was about to happen, Glorfindel had no time to protest as Erestor's lips met his. For a few moments, all was forgotten. The halls, the vows, who they were and why they were here. All too soon did the kiss end, and Glorfindel swallowed hard and shook his head as Erestor let his other hand fall to the top of the table.
"No, you can't do this," Glorfindel said adamantly. "This is your life, and I see now it was so very wrong of me to come here under false pretenses. I'm so sorry," he apologized, standing up.
Erestor jumped to his feet. "No! Please don't leave," he begged, grabbing hold of Glorfindel's arm and sliding his fingers down to take hold of the other's hand. Glorfindel paused and turned in shock. "I knew why you came. I knew all along," admitted Erestor in a rush. He shivered a little to hear himself say the words, but pressed on, not wanting to lose what it had taken him so long for him to try to claim. "I was so lonely, and you came and made me feel whole. But I didn't want to break my vows, I felt I couldn't. Then, when you left- oh, Glorfindel," he sobbed. "if you would have asked me to then..."
Glorfindel studied Erestor for a moment, the dark haired priest covering his eyes with his free hand and crying more freely now. "You love everyone," he murmured softly, "and yet all you wanted was to be loved by someone. You thought she was the one." Glorfindel did not receive an answer, nor did he expect one. Erestor was still clutching his hand, and he pulled him closer and held him, whispering words of comfort, and words of love he had so long kept secret. "Come with me," he finally said as Erestor finished wiping his eyes.
"Where?" he asked fearfully.
"To talk to her," replied Glorfindel as they walked away from the rooms that they lived in and into the cathedral via the back passage that they used to get to the altar.
Erestor cowered against Glorfindel. "I don't think I want to right now. I have sinned, before I speak with her I should perform my penance."
"What?" Glorfindel stopped and placed his hands firmly on Erestor's shoulder's which only served to cause the other elf to cringe. "What did she do to you?"
"Nothing," came the voice of the lady, and she was there, the hood of her grey cloak drawn back from her face. "What he did he did to himself."
Glorfindel looked spitefully at his mistress, and then reached for Erestor's sleeve, pushing it up slowly. He began to see angry red marks on the pale skin. "Thoughts... I had... forbidden..."
Pulling Erestor's sleeve back into place, Glorfindel glared at Nienna. "I never told him to do that," she said quietly.
"But you made him think he should, apparently," Glorfindel snapped back.
Nienna’s tears fell freely, however, for the first time Glorfindel felt no relief, nor pity. His anger consumed his senses, the blood boiled in his veins.
His mind was racing. Ideas trampled over one another. He would have loved to have taken it all out on Nienna. She had after all established the rules, the chastity vows, whatever other things she might have mentioned to Erestor that made him think he should punish himself for having emotions, For loving, for loving him! His shoulders sagged when he realized that was the most painful of all the things he could ever have conjured up, his worst nightmare come true.
Mustering all the self control he could he tried to find something to hold on to, something that allowed him to see the better side of things. ‘We have helped so many; Erestor’s love and dedication has healed so many wounded souls.’ How he wanted to heal Erestor wounds, both physical and emotional.
When he got a grip on his emotions he spoke again, and his icy tone chilled Nienna. “None of the rules you gave him, that you gave us, were needed. Love, compassion, and healing cannot, should not, be restricted. If what I feel, what I have done were truly sinful, Eru himself would have made sure I was punished. We are his children as much as you are. Perhaps we do not have the gift to create with music, but we can certainly create with love. We might not be able to wash filth with our tears, but our tears do cleanse our souls. If we weep for others it also helps cleanse theirs.” Pausing to collect his thoughts, Glorfindel looked at Nienna’s pained face, and knowledge downed on him. “You are as lonely as we are. You feared to loose him, that is why you never told him penance was not needed, why you never said loving was acceptable.”
Erestor’s head snapped up and he too looked at his lady. She held his gaze, and her beautiful features begged for forgiveness. “You could have simply asked, I would have stayed… forever,” he muttered softly.
“Would you have loved me?” Niennas’s voice asked back in barely a whisper.
“This is where all your wisdom, all your knowledge and power have failed you, my Lady,” was the sad response Glorfindel gave. “He has loved you, I have loved you, all those who come here to worship you wish to have your love, the love of a benevolent mother. More important than that we all wished for your acceptance.”
As Glorfindel took Erestor’s arm to guide him out of the cathedral Nienna asked one last question. “Will you return?”
“Love, my Lady, is not fickle. Wounds heal, problems can be solved, changes made; true love remains,” Glorfindel said to Nienna, but he was looking into Erestor’s eyes as they walked out into the starlight.
~*~*~*~*~
“No questions,” warned Glorfindel in a low voice. “None of those frowning, forlorn faces you make, either.”
Elrond nodded solemnly. “It would be better if you told me, but I will respect his wishes, and yours. Should I call to have someone ready a guest room?”
“I don’t think he should be alone, not right now. Don’t worry,” assured Glorfindel as he walked barefooted back to the door, “technically, neither of us has done great harm to our vows. Nothing that can’t be fixed, at least.”
Elrond nodded and followed Glorfindel into the rooms that had been the quarters to his captain before his entry into the priesthood. Inside, he found the high priest, but he did not recognize him at first, wearing only a pair of leggings and sitting backwards on a chair, resting his head on his arms over the back of it. That wasn’t it, either. It was the pattern of stripes across the priest’s back that made Elrond bite his tongue lest he let out a gasp. Glorfindel gave him a pleading look, and Elrond set his healer’s case upon the bed as he bent down to examine his patient.
He had seen worse, though never anything quite like this. Yet, from the angles and the damage that was done, he could tell it was self-inflicted. Keeping true to his word and his professionalism, Elrond spoke nothing of the fading scars and bruises that marked Erestor’s shoulders, arms, and back as he meticulously cleaned the few open wounds that remained and applied a healing salve. As he wrapped thin gauze around the injured areas, Elrond talked with his patient about upcoming trade negotiations and water purification – anything that had nothing to do with Erestor’s work and the cathedral in the woods.
When he was finished, he bid both of them a good night and slipped quietly out the door. Erestor began to examine the room, looking from one spot to the next, taking in the art that hung on the walls, the tapestries that hid the windows. Ornately carved chests and comfortable looking chairs offset the small tables and divan. Most predominant in the room was the four-poster bed, a sheer canopy of blue draping down the sides. Glorfindel drew back the curtains of it to reveal a plethora of fluffy white linens and a downy ochre quilt. Erestor thankfully sunk down into the downy softness after Glorfindel carried him without a word from the chair to the bed.
~*~*~*~*~
Nienna had watched them leave, and moonlight showered the hall for a brief instant as they exited, and then she found herself surrounded by darkness again as the door closed behind them. The eerie silence and emptiness of the large building surrounded her like a thick cloak as she sank down to her knees.
Wrecking sobs accompanied her flowing tears. ‘Our tears cleanse our souls.’ Those had been his words, but she felt no amount of tears could cleanse her soul nor wash away her pain. ‘I was selfish, I was wrong, so very wrong! I should have talked to him, I should have told him to stop, I should have just loved him.’
“But I never intended for this to happen!” Her pained cry echoed in the halls, her own aggrieved voice repeating itself for her alone.
She sank further down and pressed her fevered cheek to the cold marble of the floor. “I am sorry, I am so sorry.” She repeated those words over and over as she curled into a tight ball and hugged her knees.
It was many hours later when she sensed a presence near her. Strong, gentle arms gathered her and she instinctively buried her face on his chest. He sat on the steps leading to the altar and cradled her in his arms, whispering soothing words as he rocked back and forth.
When the sobs subsided and the tears stopped flowing she felt his hand gently brushing her hair away from her face.
“I am sorry,” she whispered, finally meeting his eyes.
“It is alright to make mistakes, we learn from them.”
“Will you forgive me? Will you still love me?”
“A father always forgives his child, regardless of what you do, what you have done, what you could ever do. I am your father and I love you. The question my child is: can you love yourself? Can you learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself?”
“Ada, my mistakes have hurt others. I have hurt the one I loved the most. How can I forgive myself?”
“Nienna, listen to me, listen with your heart. I will say things that might sound harsh, but understand I do it because I love you, because it is my duty, my responsibility.”
Once she nodded her consent he continued. “For years, since I can remember, you have wept. For others, for what has happened, you have even wept for things yet to come. This has hurt you more than it has hurt anyone else. Sometimes we must accept the good and the bad. It is all an opportunity to grow, to learn, to accomplish things. Had Peace reigned eternally there would be no heroes, no great warriors, no tales to be told.
“Had you, your brothers, and sisters chosen to weep instead of sing, there would be no beauty to enjoy. Had I not chosen to have children, you would not be here and who would I hold and comfort? Who would I share my very existence with?”
“Do you realize, child, that at this very instant, I would not rather be anywhere in the world but holding my child and proving her she is loved and her mistakes can be mended?” A small smile curved her perfect lips as she realized her father’s love for her was immeasurable.
“What do I do now?” she asked, sounding much like a small child and not a powerful Vala.
“Now you come home with me, and when you are ready you may return.”
“What will I do then?”
“Love them, accept them as they are. Allow yourself to be loved, and most importantly, smile.”
~*~*~*~*~
“I feel so sinful in this bed,” admitted Erestor. Glorfindel raised a brow, expecting a further explanation. “It’s just too comfortable,” Erestor went on, snuggling against the fluffed up pillows and into the soft blankets that covered the mattress. “Never has anything surrounded me that felt this good,” he purred as he wrapped one of the blankets around himself.
Glorfindel kept himself in check, discarding all of the possible jests he could have made about what Erestor had just said. “I should warn you about something before you nod off,” Glorfindel finally said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Erestor sat up slightly, loathe to remove himself completely from the comfort of the downy coverlet. “I was never a very sound sleeper, and please don’t laugh though I know you won’t, I have been known to somnambulate through the halls on more than one occasion and recall nothing of it in the morning.”
“I never recall you doing that,” answered Erestor.
Smiling, Glorfindel shrugged and said, “I suppose I slept more peacefully with you there, or perhaps I was too spoiled with such a sinful bed that I was so well rested I had the energy to walk the halls.”
Erestor considered this thoughtfully as he played with the fringed tassel that hung off of a throw pillow. “Then I suppose I shall have to hold you tightly,” he decided while blushing, “so that you do not wander off in your sleep.” He yawned, in part to cover his sudden embarrassment at making such a bold comment, and settled back onto the bed.
“Not if I hold you first,” teased Glorfindel, tugging on Erestor’s foot when he received no response. He glanced up to see that his guest had drifted into a state of reverie, arms gripping the pillow beneath his head. It was an endearing picture of nocturnal bliss, and not one which Glorfindel wished to disturb, but he too was tired from the vast changes the night had brought, and he carefully came to rest next to Erestor on the bed, covers left in their place for he, too, was too tired to turn the bed down. For a little while longer, he watched Erestor slumber, and for once, the other elf honestly seemed to be at peace. Glorfindel moved slightly to kiss Erestor’s forehead before stretching his arms above his head and closing his eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
It was late morning when Erestor finally opened his eyes. How long ago had he allowed himself to stay in bed late he could not even remember. The first thing he noticed was that he was alone in the large bed. Only the lingering warmth next to him and the shape left by Glorfindel’s head on the pillow was evidence that he in fact had slept there, something Erestor found comforting and at the same time shocking.
In a sudden impulse he picked up the pillow and pressed it to his face. Inhaling his scent made him feel less lonely. The door opened quietly, and when he released the pillow he found himself looking into the beautiful blue eyes he loved. A smile played on Glorfindel’s lips.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning,” the blond elf responded as he placed the breakfast tray on the night table. “Did you sleep well?”
“I feel rested, thank you,” Erestor said, looking at the food and blushing. In fact he had woken up several times throughout the night to make sure Glorfindel was still there and not wandering the halls in his sleep. Every time he found strong arms around him and Glorfindel’s sculpted chest under his cheek. His calm breathing had lulled him back to sleep and he did feel rested. Not only that, he felt safe and loved.
Earlier that morning Glorfindel had made the same discovery. He did not know nor did he care to find out how Erestor had ended up in his arms, he was content knowing he had. “I spent part of the morning with Lord Elrond,” he said as he waited for Erestor to sit up and helped him rearrange the pillows so he could have breakfast. “We have made arrangements for you to stay here for a while.”
“I can’t do that,” Erestor quickly said. “My parishioners need me, regardless of what has happened and what the Lady might think, I can not leave them alone.”
“I knew you would feel that way. That is why they have been informed you have taken ill and have been placed under quarantine.”
“Quarantine! But Glorfindel, elves rarely get sick, how could I be in quarantine?”
“If we told them you needed rest they would still come looking for you, and you must rest. You must heal before you can be the strength of others.”
“But I am not sick,” Erestor said ruefully.
Glorfindel shook his head. For a high priest, he still had lots to learn. “I will continue to help at the cathedral, you will stay here and decide what it is you wish to do. And before you even try to argue, let me say this is not optional.”
“I was not going to argue,” Erestor said, looking at his untouched food. “I was going to ask why you can’t stay here with me instead.”
"I am here," Glorfindel said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I will always be here, with you."
"Why?" Erestor asked, still looking at his food.
"Because you are beautiful," Glorfindel said, observing his reaction. Erestor blushed and moved the food around his plate. "You are also kind and smart."
"I do not think I deserve those compliments," Erestor said, looking at him from the corner of his eye.
Gently removing the fork from his hand and lifting his chin, Glorfindel forced Erestor to look at him. "First of all you must understand I am here because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts here," he said, placing Erestor's hand above his heart. "Second, you must learn to accept a compliment. If I tell you ‘you are beautiful’ it is because I really believe it. I do not give empty compliments."
Erestor blinked twice. “I don’t know what to say.”
Glorfindel smiled. "Saying thank you is good enough."
"Thank you," Erestor whispered.
"You are welcome," Glorfindel said before kissing his lips softly. “Now, you need to eat to build your strength.” He picked up a slice of peach and held it up to Erestor’s mouth. “It will help you to recover from your ‘illness’ quickly,” he said with a wink.
“Not too quickly,” warned Erestor playfully before biting into the sweet fruit.
Grinning, Glorfindel popped the rest into his own mouth. “I think you’re finally starting to get it!” he chuckled. Erestor smiled shyly.
After eating a while longer, Glorfindel finally asked, “So... I didn’t... go walking around, did I?”
“What? Oh, in your sleep.” Erestor shook his head. “No. Not much.”
Glorfindel blinked. “Not much?”
“Just down the hallway...”
“Down the hallway?” Glorfindel paled.
“...around the corner...”
“Oh, no...”
“...into the kitchen...”
“Into the-“ Glorfindel gave Erestor an odd sort of look. “We’re not in the cathedral; here the kitchens are two floors down.”
Erestor smirked. “Well, that makes it even more spectacular.” He swiped another slice of peach from Glorfindel’s plate, having finished his own.
