"Against the folly of Feanor shall be set my counsel only. Go not forth! For the hour is evil, and your road leads to sorrow that ye do not foresee."
My eyes searched those gathered for her. I knew she was here. I did not need to be told she was, for I knew it was her wont for many a year to leave, but that her brothers were not as set in those past years as she had led me to believe. Now, however, I noted the banners of the house of Finarfin and Fingolfin and knew they were all here.
"No aid will the Valar lend you in this quest; but neither will they hinder you; for this ye shall know: as ye came hither freely, freely shall ye depart."
For long I had believed the deeds of Feanor would be punished by the Valar, and yet my heart ached with the words I spoke next. Still weakened from my own foolishness, I turned now to the leader of the host, and said, "But thou Feanor Finwe's son, by thine oath art exiled. The lies of Melkor thou shalt unlearn in bitterness. Vala he is, thou saist. Then thou hast sworn in vain, for none of the Valar canst thou overcome now or ever within the halls of Ea, not though Eru whom thou namest had made thee thrice greater than thou art."
It was not I he answered to. Instead he turned his gaze to those in his company. I had seen the shock in his eyes, but that was gone now as he looked upon those who had followed him. As he spoke, I thought I would retch at the sight of so many I had known standing with banners held high, armed as well, and some brought with them their wives and their children.
My own parents were there, or my mother at least. How long and why I had been deceived I did not know. I shuddered and trembled as I rode to this place - not only was I scared to ride upon Nahar for never had I been on a horse before, but I had a great fear within me. A fear of myself. So long I had not known what I was, and now though I should feel no different, I did.
There was a word for it I would learn years later. Peredhel. But all of the peredhil I would meet would be from the unions of elf and mankind. The circumstances of my birth vastly differed from any of theirs.
Awakened by the river Cuivienen, the Eldar were matched evenly. For each and every elf there was an elleth. Some woke next to their spouse and knew their destiny with each other immediately - my mother and father were among those. Others would find their love when the three hosts came to Valimar. Cirdan, a Teleri, did not realize he was fated to be with Nenua, a Vanya, until he reached the beaches and found her collecting seashells. I am sure she was on the beach collecting shells when he returned to her from his long time spent across the sea, and ever faithful were they to one another.
Though my parents loved one another, there always seemed something odd about them, something it had taken me until now to see. I had seen it, in fact, and it had taken riddles from a Vala for me to admit it.
As Feanor looked to me once again, smiling at the cheers from his host, I looked one final time upon my parents. My mother's long blonde locks were pulled back at her neck, and she had a bow raised over her head as she shouted with the rest of the Noldor. My father, who I now realized was not my father, had his golden mane plaited behind him, and with his sword and shield looked ready for some terrible war. It was impossible that I, so tall and dark, could be the result of their union. I had so many questions for them, and yet each remains unanswered.
I wondered how many had known, how many had clearly seen that I simply could not have been the product of the two pale elves I now looked away from lest I become sick at the sight. Feanor waited my answer to what he had spoken to me, and I dumbly bowed to him, unthinking of my actions as I rode away.
