As promised, Glorfindel and Erestor were at the door to the third healing room on the left side of the hall, just as Elrond had instructed them, immediately after lunch. After lunch was a figurative term, for Erestor had been without an appetite, and Glorfindel refused to eat without him. They had spent their afternoon on a stroll in the gardens before coming back to the house.
When Elrond opened the door, he ushered them both quickly inside and shut the door. The room was fairly small, and Glorfindel felt somewhat nervous as he looked around at the bare walls and the lack of windows. It was very bright, with lamps overhead lit and burning over something that looked like a very high legged table. Eyeing the leather restraints on it, Glorfindel shot Elrond a questioning look, but the peredhel shook his head. He didn’t want to restrain him, he had said, but Glorfindel did not realize Elrond had literally been strapping the slender elf who shivered as he stood beside him.
“Erestor.” There was a fourth occupant in the room, and Glorfindel recognized it was Lindir’s mother. “You should remove that heavy robe. Would you like help with it?”
“I can help him,” said Glorfindel immediately. “But thank you, Veduiel.”
“Veduiel and I have a few things left to discuss before we begin. We shall step into the hallway for a moment.” Elrond opened the door, closing it behind himself and his apprentice, affording Glorfindel and Erestor a few minutes of privacy.
“Are you nervous or excited?” asked Glorfindel as he unfastened the clasps on Erestor’s robe. Erestor’s hands had been shaking so violently he had been unable to do so himself.
Erestor let out a long held breath. “Both. I try not to get my hopes up. The first few times I was too hopeful and the pain of the treatment being a failure was too great. So now I do not hope so much that the treatment will work, rather, that it isn’t too painful.”
Glorfindel paused short of removing Erestor’s robe. “Erestor, what happens in here? What sort of treatment do you speak of that causes pain?”
“Glorfindel, it isn’t so easy as that. Healing is a painful process.”
“But have you healed at all? Has anything that has been done come close to it?” Glorfindel glanced at the door when he heard the knob being turned. “Erestor, you don’t have to do this.”
“Good, I see you’re ready,” spoke Elrond as he entered the room. Glorfindel looked back to see that Erestor had shrugged the robe from his shoulders and was now working on untying the mask that covered his eyes. “Glorfindel, if you wouldn’t mind helping him onto the table?”
Erestor had removed the mask and was now only wearing a light pair of leggings. His feet had been bare and were stained grassy green from their walk, though Glorfindel had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that Erestor would never know about the grass stains that were seemingly ever-present on his feet or see the color green. While Erestor kept his eyes closed, Glorfindel guided him onto the table, which was covered with a soft, downy cushion. Elrond stood at the foot of it, assessing the situation. “I think,” he finally said, “I will still need to use some of the restraints. Not all of them, just the legs and arms. Glorfindel, you should be able to manage his head so that he doesn’t flinch,” added Elrond as he moved one of Erestor’s legs into position before fastening a leather cuff around his ankle, “but you can’t do that and keep him from kicking me.” Elrond smiled wryly, and apparently, this had happened before.
“So, you’re a kicker,” Glorfindel said in an attempt to make a bit of conversation and keep Erestor’s mind off of the procedure.
“I have strong legs and unpredictable reflexes,” Erestor offered in explanation. “I think I broke Lord Elrond’s jaw the last time.”
“So that was you who did that,” laughed Glorfindel, and Erestor amusedly seemed somewhat proud of this.
Erestor gave a partial nod and said, “It’s the sort of thing that tends to happen when one is being stabbed in the eye.”
“There won’t be any stabbing going on today,” promised Veduiel as she handed Glorfindel a wide, flat stick of wood the length of his hand that was wrapped in leather. When he gave it a questioning look, Venuiel explained, “It’s for Erestor to bite down on.”
“Are we ready then?” asked Elrond as he checked to make sure the leather straps were all tight. “Erestor?”
“Yes.” His shaking had stopped, but he was breathing faster now. Veduiel came to where Glorfindel stood and cooled Erestor’s face with a damp cloth. “Thank you. Glorfindel?” He left his mouth open slightly and Glorfindel positioned the wooden stick between his teeth.
“Glorfindel, I’ll need you to stand at the head of the table,” instructed Elrond. “Place your hands at either side of his face to hold him still. Yes, just like that. I think this is a much better way of going about it, instead of binding him to the table- don’t you agree, Erestor?” Erestor blinked once, and Elrond said, “Sorry, Glorfindel, you do not know the system we have. If he blinks one time, that is for yes, and twice for no. Three times is he is not sure or needs me to repeat myself.”
“I see. I’ll remember that. One for yes, two for no,” repeated Glorfindel. As Elrond walked to a counter on the other side of the room, Glorfindel asked, “Are you doing alright?” Erestor blinked once, too fast for Glorfindel to really see. He thought he caught a glimpse of grey, but he wasn’t sure. He tried to think of a question that would have a ‘no’ answer in order to have a longer chance to see Erestor’s eyes, but he caught sight of the restraints that hung down from the head of the bed. There was one that looked as if it would have fit under his chin, another across his forehead, and a wide one that would have fit over his upper chest. Setting his jaw, Glorfindel glared at the offending objects, wishing Elrond would have simply allowed him to hold Erestor in the comfort of his arms rather than strap him to this cold and cruel looking table.
Elrond approached again with what looked like a tall glass that was filled with water. It was apparently the solution he was about to use for he handled it quite carefully and was stirring it with a glass tube. “Veduiel?” The elleth placed the cloth aside and moved to the opposite side of the table from Elrond. She leaned down a little and then gently used the tips of her fingers to hold one of Erestor’s eyes open. Between the two healers, Glorfindel’s view was obstructed, and so he simply concentrated on holding Erestor still and sending positive thoughts in his direction, unsure of anything else he could do.
When he felt the muscles in Erestor’s face tense and strain against whatever was being done, Glorfindel carefully crouched down so that his head was level with Erestor’s and he offered words of encouragement. “It’s alright, it’s nearly done. You’re doing a wonderful job, just another few moments, Erestor.” Elrond and Veduiel shifted a bit, and Glorfindel repeated himself, intermittedly kissing the crown of Erestor’s head. As the pair of healers stepped away, Glorfindel craned his neck around.
“You can let go of him now, Glorfindel,” said Elrond.
Glorfindel stood up, but only to move around to the side where he was able to take hold of one of Erestor’s hands, which had been balled into a tight fist. Erestor’s teeth were clamped down hard on the leather, and it looked as if the wood was straining a little. “Erestor?” Glorfindel tried to remove the stick of wood, but it wouldn’t budge. “Erestor, is something wrong?” Glorfindel felt the grip on his hand tighten, as he watched tears stream down Erestor’s face from either side of his closed eyes. “Elrond, something’s wrong. It isn’t working.”
“It might be working, Glorfindel, you need to give it time,” advised Elrond as he stirred the remaining liquid. “Give it another minute.”
The seconds seemed to stretch on forever as Glorfindel helplessly watched Erestor’s face contort in agony. “Elrond, how much longer?”
“Just a little bit. Glorfindel, please, you’re making him anxious,” Elrond said calmly. “Erestor, can you open your eyes? Can you see anything?”
Without warning, Erestor’s eyes flew open. They were red, and Glorfindel couldn’t guess their color, for the pupils were so dilated they looked black. They focused on nothing as they lazily drifted about, and Erestor, who finally shut them, let out a sob of frustration. Glorfindel bowed his head and sighed.
“Veduiel.” The elleth came to the side Glorfindel was on and led him back to the head of the table.
“What, we’re not going to put him through that again, are we?” questioned Glorfindel.
“He may simply need a larger dose of it,” reasoned Elrond. “Much of it was expelled as you saw.”
“I am not about to hold him down so you can do that again,” growled Glorfindel.
Elrond closed his eyes and shook his head, and then asked, “Erestor, do you wish for us to try again.” The answer was an unmistakable single blink. “I can use the restraints on the table if you prefer,” said Elrond.
“No fucking way,” mumbled Glorfindel as he grabbed the cloth from the counter. He wiped Erestor’s face clean with gentle strokes, all the time apologizing and encouraging him once more. Taking up his duty once again, Glorfindel gave a nod to Elrond.
Again, the healers blocked Glorfindel’s view, and he spoke louder, over Erestor’s muffled whimpers. It wasn’t until he felt Erestor truly struggle and attempt to thrash away from his hold that he stopped. “Elrond, I know he’s saying yes, but I think you have to stop.”
“Just hold on, Glorfindel,” snapped Elrond. “We’re trying a continuous stream of it and if we stop now I’ll need to make another batch of it and that will take quite some time. Veduiel, keep his eyes open.”
Whether Glorfindel was truly overpowered or whether he allowed himself to be, Erestor managed to wrench his head away, upsetting the work Elrond was doing. The jar fell to the ground and smashed, sending liquid and glass everywhere. Erestor had shut his eyes tight and had spit out the leather and wood and was now pleading for them to stop. “Get it out! Saes, it burns!”
“It may burn because it’s working,” Elrond said.
“Or, because it’s not!” Glorfindel rushed to the counter and took the bowl of water that the cloth had been in. “Erestor, open your eyes. It’s me, Glorfindel, I have water, let me flush that stuff out.” Erestor blinked rapidly as the cool water ran across his face, spilling onto the floor. Elrond stood off to the side with his arms crossed, looking none too happy about the mess that was being created. “Elrond, I’m taking him out of here. Please, help me with these.” Glorfindel set the bowl down on the floor and then began to work on the restraint that held Erestor’s right wrist to the table. Elrond did not object, and soon Erestor was reaching for Glorfindel, sobbing and soaking wet. “I’m sorry about all this,” Glorfindel apologized, but Elrond waved it off.
“At least he didn’t break my jaw,” Elrond reminded him.
- - -
Gathered up in his arms, Erestor clung to Glorfindel as he left the healing room and headed for the nearest exit from the house. Paths cleared for him as he marched outside and around to the back of the house, with no one daring to interrupt him. He brought Erestor to a brook that ran behind the house. It was where most of the drinking water came from, and it seemed to Glorfindel the best place to go. Upon telling Erestor where they were, the darker elf scrambled out of his arms and tumbled into the water, scooping up handfuls of water and splashing them into his face.
Glorfindel peeled off his own wet shirt and tossed it aside. He watched as Erestor stood up, dripping wet, and turned his face toward the sun. His eyes fluttered open and he stared. Glorfindel shaded his own eyes and tried to read Erestor’s expression. He had some hope that perhaps had regained his vision again, but the longer Erestor stared the more his hope faded.
Slowly, Erestor reached out toward the sky with one hand, feeling his way blindly through the air. He bowed his head and slowly his arms drifted back down to his side as his eyes closed. Erestor dropped to his knees and wept. Disregarding the water, Glorfindel slid down and drew Erestor into his arms.
“I just want to see again! I just- I want blue skies, I want green grass. I want purple and orange and rainbows and- I want to know what Elrond’s sons look like! I want to see the horses and the birds and I want to see you smile and I want to see light again! I want to be- like you!”
“Like me?”
“I want to be whole again. I just- what did I do? Why couldn’t Namo take me and fix me and send me back like he did for you?”
“Oh, Erestor.” Glorfindel held the other elf tight, smoothing back his wet hair. “Erestor, dear Erestor. You would not have liked Mandos. There is nothing but darkness there. Nothing to hear, nothing to smell. Nothing to taste, to touch. No one to hold you, nothing to hold.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Erestor choked, “I’m sorry, Glorfindel, I-“
“You’ve kept it inside, all dammed up for so long. Do not apologize. Let it out; I am here for you.”
“I feel so... lost. Adrift at sea.”
“Let me be your anchor.”
“I feel like I’m drowning,” Erestor said with a sniffle as he relaxed and wrapped his own arms around Glorfindel.
“I’ll carry you to shore.”
“I can’t see the shore. It’s too far away.”
“I’ll be your beacon in the night. You don’t need to love me, but let me love you. Lean on me, Erestor. I won’t lose you.” He held tighter and said in a whisper, “I... can’t lose you.” Until now, Glorfindel hadn’t realized that he, too, was crying. “I won’t coddle you and I will try my hardest not to embarrass you.”
Erestor turned his head and leaned his cheek against Glorfindel’s shoulder. “I will be a burden. The blind elf always walking into trees or doors, making you late for things, keeping you from doing things I can’t do with you.”
“If I can’t do it with you,” Glorfindel said quickly, “what want would I have to do whatever it is alone? Erestor, I know this wasn’t what you intended to have happen, but I love you.”
“I-“ Erestor fought to find words. “I think I should go back to Mirkwood.”
“Alright. I’ve always wanted to go to Mirkwood,” answered Glorfindel.
“I meant, I should go so you can get on with your life here,” emphasized Erestor. “You need to stay here.”
“Then you need to stay here, too.” Glorfindel was forceful, but gentle with his command.
“Can we talk about this later?” asked Erestor.
“You brought it up,” Glorfindel reminded him.
Erestor nodded against Glorfindel. “But I just realized I’m cold and wet and sitting in the middle of a puddle.”
“You’re also clinging to the Captain of the guard and nuzzling his shoulder, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.” Glorfindel smiled when he heard Erestor chuckle. “Let us go back inside. We can warm up, I will have dinner brought to us, and the cats can get fur all over our laps. It will be a splendid evening.”
Allowing himself to be helped up and out of the water, Erestor hugged Glorfindel and unexpectedly kissed him. “Thank you for getting me out of there,” he said sincerely.
“I love you,” replied Glorfindel, in a state of slight shock.
“I know,” smirked Erestor.
