“What? What’s wrong?” Erestor’s left hand fumbled around in the darkness. “Glorfindel?” He was pinned beneath his lover, but not for long.
Glorfindel pulled himself up, staring at Erestor in bewilderment. “Nothing, nothing. It was just me.”
“Something’s wrong. I can tell from your voice.” Erestor’s hand grazed Glorfindel’s cheek. “What is it?”
“You, uh...” Taking hold of Erestor’s hand, Glorfindel held it to his chest. “You were asleep, and you... started to talk about your...” Glorfindel shifted uneasily. “You… you were talking about...”
Slipping his hand away, Erestor said in a very unsure voice, “I was talking in my sleep? I didn’t know that I talked in my sleep. Have I done this... often?” Glorfindel said nothing. “About what did I speak, Glorfindel?” questioned Erestor.
“Not a ‘what’ so much as a ‘who’.”
“Well... you are going to tell me who, aren’t you?” Erestor slid out of bed and felt his way around until he made it to the dresser. Pulling out a long nightshirt, he pulled it over his head and stumbled his way to the couch. “I suppose I could guess, if you’re not going to tell me. It must be something, well, someone horrible from your reaction.”
“Erestor, it’s only that- it was unexpected.” Glorfindel left the bed as well. Not bothering to dress himself, he retrieved the half-empty wine bottle from the table. “You were talking about your wife,” he said after a long drink.
“Oh. Her.” Erestor slowly scratched his arm with the opposite hand, and then stopped as something dawned on him. “Well, fuck me. That’s how she knew about everything. I must have rambled on about everything to her. So, what did I do, call her terrible names and curse her?”
“Actually... no, not really,” said Glorfindel before taking another drink.
“What did I say?” prodded Erestor. “What exactly did I say, Glorfindel?”
Setting the bottle down on the table and keeping himself a goodly distance from the other elf, Glorfindel replied quickly, “I... asked you about your former lover and then you-“
“WHAT?!” Erestor was on his feet, and angrily stalked in the direction of Glorfindel’s voice. “You what?”
“I... I asked... you… Erestor, I didn’t mean to, uh...”
“Didn’t mean to what?” Backed up against the wall, Glorfindel was subject to a rather angry finger wagging near to where his face was. “You meant to find the answer to your question, didn’t you? Meant to compromise our trust, then, and-“
“Oh... oh, shit,” mumbled Glorfindel.
“Oh, shit about summarizes it.” The finger came dangerously close to Glorfindel’s nose as Erestor said, “You are just fucking lucky I love you despite your unfathomable behavior.”
“It was because I love you,” attempted Glorfindel, “that I wanted to find out.”
“Bullshit.”
“No, honestly. I just wanted to get to know you. When I found out you spoke in your sleep-“
“I’m about to find out you’ve done this before, aren’t I?” questioned Erestor.
Glorfindel took hold of Erestor’s hands before the waggling finger poked him. “Here and there, once or twice, perhaps a dozen times,” he rushed. “I just wanted to get to know you better, Erestor.”
“A dozen? Glorfindel, why did you not just ask me what you wanted to know? I would have told you without question. You know about my books, about the treatments I’ve been going through, my cats- good gracious, Glorfindel, you sleep in my bed! ” The grip the blond had on his dark lover’s wrists lessened. Pulling his hands away and moving his arms to encircle Glorfindel’s waist, Erestor asked, “What do you want to know about me?”
“Can we start with the part about your wife?” Glorfindel asked, nuzzling Erestor’s shoulder.
“Let’s sit down.” Erestor was led back to the couch. “Better.” Erestor snuggled against Glorfindel, and the minute the pair was relaxed, Erestor let out a snort. “I can’t believe you thought you could get away with not telling me about all of this.”
“I just assumed you knew that you talked in your sleep,” answered Glorfindel. He found himself sliding off of the couch moments later, grabbing at Eretor’s hands while trying to keep his sides and stomach out of reach while he laughed himself to tears. “Stop, please! Stop it!”
Continuing to tickle Glorfindel, Erestor pinned one of Glorfindel’s arms to the floor with his knee. “No more secrets!” he demanded.
“Yes, yes, I promise! Please!” Glorfindel jerked out Erestor’s reach, splayed on the floor as Erestor settled himself back on the couch. “No more, promise,” gasped Glorfindel, holding his side as he crawled back up onto the couch.
“Alright then.” Erestor waited for Glorfindel relax beside him once more. “Then I shall tell you my ‘secret’, though let me assure you right now that you need not worry.” To emphasize his meaning, Erestor leaned forward and kissed Glorfindel’s lips lightly.
“Long years ago in Greenwood,” began Erestor, sitting back on the couch, “there was a young lady of Oropher's court. I didn't know it at the time, but she was in love with my brother. He was young, though- forty-two, forty-four? Not that it much matters; the point is that he was too young and her parents were pushing her to marry. Their worry was less that she was happy and more that she wasn't an 'old maid'. I was convenient, and I was security. A strong soldier with a promising military career ahead of me.”
"Our courtship was brief and our marriage a very lavish affair. What not many know is that on our wedding night, she locked herself in a closet, weeping until her mother was able to convince her to come out. I slept on the couch- you can see now why I was uneasy having you on the couch," said Erestor. Glorfindel nodded but remained silent as Erestor continued. "It was nearly a year before we finally consummated our bonding. If you can call it that."
Glorfindel snuggled closer as Erestor continued. "It was always very... planned. 'Good morning, darling.' I would say. 'Do you think... perhaps tonight...?'. And she would answer with 'I'll make dinner early for you then' as if lovemaking was another task that needed to be fit into her schedule. The act itself was... it wasn't love. It was sex. No matter how much I tried to please her."
"Our relationship was further strained barely ten years later. My brother had come of age, and everywhere I saw him he was wooing maidens. He was handsome, and his words flowed eloquently. My wife was... enraged. Constantly I was compared to him. That I wasn't as graceful or as caring or as social." Erestor shook his head. "I tried, I really tried, to be what she wanted. But she didn't want me, Glorfindel. I should have seen that."
"I had the opportunity to either take an easy assignment in the realm or to complete a more dangerous one that required me to travel for some time. Three years didn't seem like an eternity, and for once my wife seemed happy about my work. Interested, even. I left with a sense of pride and I actually missed her while I was away."
"When I returned..." Erestor let out a deep sigh. "It wasn't expected that I would, but I did. When I did, I was presented my newborn son." Erestor's words were bitter and he turned his head away.
"I didn't know you-" began Glorfindel.
"I didn't." Erestor turned back. "I was gone for three years."
"OH." Glorfindel wrapped his arms around Erestor. "Oh, Erestor, I'm so sorry."
"Not as sorry as I was. She put on a good act. I still don't know if she thought I was that stupid, or that she was just that manipulative, or what. I didn't want to see her, I just couldn't say anything. I just stared. Then I went to Oropher." Erestor paused and began to stand, reaching toward the nearby table. Glorfindel touched Erestor’s shoulder to settle him back down and then retrieved the glass of water for him and placed it into his hand. After finishing half the glass, Erestor said, "According to the laws of Greenwood, I had the right to kill her lover."
"Did you?" ventured Glorfindel.
A sad look came over Erestor's face. "I don't like killing. Or death. But that wasn't why I didn't do it. The reason I didn't do it was because he was my brother, Glorfindel. I held him in my own arms the day he came into the world." Tears came to the dark elf's unseeing eyes. "I would do whatever it took to bring him happiness."
"Even if it meant you sacrificed your own," whispered Glorfindel.
"I wasn't happy with her," said Erestor. "But things were tolerable. Oropher gave me his advice, the two options he foresaw. Either I could go along with the deception and accept the child as my son knowing full well he was not. Or, I could move to have the marriage dissolved on account of it never having been consummated."
"But you did sleep with her," Glorfindel said.
Erestor nodded. "But who really knows what happens behind closed doors? I chose my brother's happiness in exchange for my honor. The whispers behind my back. The searing looks from others across the dining hall. For once, my wife, who was mine no longer, actually spoke to me with respect, and dare I say, love. It was terrible that it had to be that way. She finally loved me only after I despised her. She brought my brother happiness, though, so I learned to hold my tongue.”
“There was no chance for me to start over; no elleth would dare risk even dancing with me in public. There was no longer camaraderie with the other soldiers I had grown up with and trained with, only the cold looks from my peers. So I thrust myself into my work. Became the model soldier. Worked up the ranks. It's lonely at the top, but if anyone should have been lonely, better it be me and not someone else who had a chance."
"Oh, I'd love to give this lady a piece of my mind," growled Glorfindel.
"Can't do that," said Erestor.
"Why not?" asked Glorfindel.
"Because she's dead now." Erestor settled back on the couch. "She faded of course when my brother died at the last battle. Her son was killed in that war, too, which was terrible, because he was a respectable elf. He was a fine elf, my nephew."
"So you see, what you mistook for guided practice," said Erestor, "was really hundreds of years of pent-up frustration begging to be released."
“That is one of the most heartbreaking tales anyone has ever told me.” Glorfindel held Erestor tight before whispering, “Can I ask another question?” Erestor nodded against him. “If your only other lover was an elleth, how was it that you were so keen to be taken like you were?” Erestor flushed and turned away.
