When Haldir awoke, he couldn’t breathe. His eyes were open wide, and his fist curled into the sheets. In the next moment he gasped for air, tasting the bitterness of his own tears. Eyes still open; he refused to blink though they burned. He would not let the nightmare come to him again.
But it was no dream.
Screams came from down the hall. A male voice, in great agony. Haldir pulled the covers over his head, pressing one ear into his pillows and a hand over the other, trying in vain to drown out the tortured cries of Elrond. His other hand reached for something of comfort, the rabbit beside him, and he drew it under the covers, waiting for the screaming to subside.
Elrohir didn’t do much more than pull his shirt from the day before over his head before following his brother and cousin from their rooms into the hall. They paused, knowing well where the sounds came from, unsure of how to proceed. "El, go next door and find Grandpapa and Grandmother. Celebdreth, see if your parents are awake." Elrohir waited for them to maneuver around him to the stairway, and took a deep breath before knocking on the door to his parents’ room. "Ada? Nana?" On the other side of the door, he could hear sobbing, mingled with mournful wails. His own heart sank as he began to realize what had happened.
When Elladan and Celebdreth returned with the rest of the household, they found Elrohir sitting on the floor, one hand placed against the door while he wept into the other. Elladan crouched down, pulling Elrohir against him, looking at the others with extreme concern.
"Come, Elladan, take your brother to your rooms. There is nothing you can do at the moment, and I do not wish you to see this." Celeborn’s words were commanding, and both he and Celebdreth assisted Elrohir in standing and getting back to their rooms. Celeborn followed them, closing the door once his grandsons were inside. He turned to look at his children in the hallway. "Neither can the rest of you help, not right now. In the morning, you will be needed." The four elves nodded sadly, though they reassembled in the parlor instead of their rooms.
Celeborn frowned deeply. "Haldir was not among them. Do you think he may still be asleep?"
Galadriel shook her head. "But first, there are more important matters." Her hand turned the knob slowly, and carefully she opened the door to the chambers shared by Elrond and Celebrian.
Elrond had backed himself into a corner, drawn his knees, and rested his bowed head upon them. Celebrian had done her best to wrap her arms around her grieving husband, and now looked up at her mother, unsure of what to do now. Though the screaming had all but stopped, Elrond still whimpered sorrowfully as Celebrian clung to him.
Galadriel approached him, still graceful despite the gained weight. She knelt down to face Elrond, smoothing back his hair. She did not offer him any words to lift his pain, nor did she attempt to cast a spell to lull him to sleep. Feeling the presence of another close by, she watched as Celeborn positioned himself on the side of Elrond opposite his daughter. Together they sat in silence as Elrond grieved.
- - -
Elrohir was in much the same position as his father, sitting on his bed and rocking slightly. He had wanted to go to his father, but his brother and cousin had prevented him from leaving the room. And so he sat - tired, upset, angry, and confused - staring out the window at some far-off point in the distance.
"El, please, listen to Grandpapa’s words. There is nothing to be done now." Elladan placed a hand on Elrohir’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off. "El, I hurt as well! I loved him as a brother! We knew him for years longer than most, he lived thrice the years of other men! But he was mortal, we both knew that this day would come."
"I mourn not only for him, El. I grieve for our dear, sweet sister. If only we had stayed, lingered yet a little longer for her. It is for her which I lament." Elrohir's shaking slowed until he did little more than tremble. "We should be there now for her, to comfort her. Instead, she is alone with her sorrow."
"She has her children, El. Her friends. I can not believe Erestor is not there, and perhaps Glorfindel or Legolas. She is not alone, my brother."
"But it should be her family who should be with her," protested Elrohir. "Why didn’t I stay?" His fists hit the mattress on either side of him. Elladan looked at Celebdreth and nodded toward the door. Knowing not to argue, the young elf quickly removed himself from the room.
Wandering down to the first floor, Celebdreth followed the voices coming from the parlor. Still in their nightclothes, he found his parents, Uncle Orophin, and Aunt Valarda sitting on the floor around the fireplace sharing their thoughts and a bottle of Gondorian brandy, one of just a few Orophin had brought with him to Valinor.
"Come, dearest, sit among the elders and have a drink," offered Valarda, scooting over to make room for Celebdreth. He bowed his head a bit in thanks and shuffled over to the spot on the floor. "Celebdreth of Valinor, what news of the third floor?" she asked, taking a swig from the bottle.
"I do not know what is happening with Uncle Elrond. It seems Auntie Clebri is with him, as are Grandfather and Granana. Elrohir is upset, and Elladan is trying to comfort him, but I do not think he wishes comfort." Celebdreth took the bottle as it was offered. The liquid was not like the drinks he preferred. It felt like fire on his tongue and the taste was not at all pleasing. All that was forgotten as his body tingled then relaxed right down to the tips of his toes. He drank once again before handing the brandy to his mother. "I do not understand why he would wish to be in pain when so many around him would help him ease his distress."
"I think it is a quality specific to his lineage. One must consider he is not completely an elf," Nenniach pointed out, but her husband strongly disagreed.
"If that is true, Orophin must not be completely elf," he argued, taking the bottle from her. "I remember numerous times when we almost lost Haldir, and each time, he was completely unreachable," he said, nodding across the half-circle at Orophin.
Orophin shrugged. "I did not feel in those instances like talking about whether my brother would survive or be pulled to the halls by Namo. Speaking of unapproachable elves, I still do not think my nose has entirely healed from that very last incident."
Rumil considered this. "I did promise Haldir I would eventually get him for his runaway act, didn’t I? And it has been far more than a week..." Rumil smirked as he sipped from the bottle.
"I guess that being an only child doesn’t allow for the same feelings as having siblings does," concluded Valarda. Nenniach nodded, but Celebdreth shrugged.
"I feel quite close to the twins. I would say they are like brothers," Celebdreth admitted. "And though I was not as close to Arwen, I think I shall still be sad when she passes on."
"Um, sweetie, the reason everyone is so sad is because of..." Nenniach, unable to say the words, looked at her son sympathetically.
Celebdreth furrowed his brow. "Are you sure? From the way Elrohir spoke, I took it to mean it was Estel who had died." The other four elves cringed on his last word. "Was Elrond not close to Estel?"
"He loved him as a son," Rumil nodded. "But from how he cried so, I assumed it was his daughter whom has been lost."
"Perhaps it is Estel who has died, yet indeed his daughter he has lost," Orophin suggested. Turning suddenly to Celebdreth, he asked, "Where is Haldir?"
"He... I do not know," Celebdreth admitted.
"Maybe I should get him," said Orophin after a moment’s silence. Valarda placed a hand on his arm.
"Stay. I am sure your mother has control of things."
- - -
When finally Elrond had calmed upon his own terms, he was led to his bed, succumbing to fatigue rather than a desire to rest. Celebrian was knelt beside him, one hand joined to his, while Galadriel held vigil from the end of the half-elf’s bed. It was Celeborn who emerged into the hallway to check on the rest of the family.
His first stop was across the hall. Without knocking he entered, turning right into the sleeping quarters of his grandchildren. Only one bed was occupied, and he stepped lightly out of the rooms once again when Elladan raised a finger to his lips, careful not to wake his brother. Elrohir was sleeping deeply next to Elladan, likely slumbering with aid of either 'elvish magic' or strong liquor.
Feeling no need to wonder where Celebdreth had gone to, Celeborn let himself into the rooms at the furthest end of the hall. It was here that he found a motionless lump beneath a royal blue quilt. He said nothing, knowing Haldir knew of his presence. After some time had passed, a voice softly asked for conformation. "He sleeps?"
"That he does. For now."
"I saw it. I thought it was a dream. A nightmare." Still hidden under the covers, Haldir continued. "It was a vision. I had hoped they had gone, but I find that is not true. Now more than ever I do not wish them."
Celeborn lowered himself onto the bed, avoiding the covered lump. "When they first began, you said you did not wish to ask for help."
"I still do not want help," came the muffled reply. "But I ask for it now, from you. Nana does not need another worry."
"That she does not," agreed Celeborn. "You should talk to her in time. Perhaps to Elrond, if you are more comfortable. Though I do not share so much in their gifts of foresight, I can teach you to better control your thoughts. With me you can share your thoughts, and we can meditate." The lump moved slightly, and Celeborn guessed Haldir must be nodding his head.
"He told her to sail. He said she could still go and he would not feel ill toward her." Haldir pulled the covers down with one hand, the rabbit still pulled close to his chest. "She begged him to stay, if only a little longer, that she was not yet ready to depart. He refused, he said he would not pass as an enfeebled old man, and she refused to leave him. And how she cried when at last his breath diminished." Haldir sat up, placing his free hand upon his father’s thigh. "She is still crying."
Celeborn saw now that Haldir himself had likely only just stopped. His face was red and swollen, the skin beneath his eyes puffed and not at all elf-like. Hair was matted, the rabbit was damp, and the collar and shoulder of his nightshirt were tear-stained. Drawing his son closer to him, Haldir let out a belated sob. "I don’t want her to die, Ada. She can’t die. Ada, I love her, though it is wrong, I love her and I-" He ran out of breath, choking, sucked in more air. "I don’t know what to do."
"I know of little truth to tell you which would bring peace to your soul," Celeborn said to him. "She has bound herself to her mortality, and what is more, to Elessar. I will not deceive you, she will die."
"She could still sail! He said so, he told her to. It is not so impossible!"
"She will not come to the West," Celeborn sighed. "Truly, would you wish for her to come and hold you only second in her heart? Could you stand a life knowing how much more another had meant to her, one whom she would die for?"
"For her, I would hesitate nothing."
"Ai, Haldir. Her heart does not belong to you. You should not give her yours."
"She has long held it, and I dare not ask now for it back."
Celeborn was at a loss. He had known for some time of his son’s hardly secret adoration for his only granddaughter. He had always hoped it should pass in time. Seemingly, it had not. "Come. I shall not have you drown in your tears."
"Leave me," insisted Haldir, pulling away. "I know I have shamed you, I wish to be alone."
"Nay, Haldir. Dwelling here in sorrow will not help your grief."
"Sitting among my family will not alleviate it, either. My thoughts and words are a disgrace to you all."
"Unlike your mother, I am not one to coddle those who proclaim to be what they are not and preach of self pity. You shall shame me by hiding yourself in your room while your brothers worry for you downstairs. Find a clean shirt and meet us in the parlor." Celeborn plucked the purple rabbit from under Haldir’s arm. "I may return this when you join us."
Though is was unlikely for Haldir to disobey an order from his father, this new twist did not lead him to rethink getting out of bed to clean himself up as Celeborn soundlessly left the room.
- - -
"You will do no such thing, Rumil," scolded Nenniach. "Your poor brother had been through enough as it is."
"A promise is a promise," he retorted. "I do not wish to be called a liar."
"A liar you might not be called, but a liar you shall be, then."
Valarda watched the exchange with mild amusement. "I think one punch in the nose would be just payment for the trouble he caused us."
"Speak for yourself, my dear," interrupted Orophin, "but as a recipient of one of Rumil’s punches to the face, the punishment far outweighs the crime."
"Whoever said I would do naught but punch him?" asked Rumil. "It has been over one hundred years, I do believe interest is due."
"Interest for what?" The elves around the fire turned to see Celeborn in the doorway, the firelight dancing across his form in the early morning hours.
Orophin pulled Valarda onto his lap, patting the open space in a gesture of welcome to his father. "When I dragged our oh so valiant brother back from Rohan, Rumil promised he would seek revenge after a week. Things became busy, Haldir didn’t recover quite so quickly, and needless to say, dear Rumil forgot."
"So you plan to punch him now, is that it?" asked Celeborn, setting the purple bunny on the floor next to him and motioning that someone should pass him the brandy.
"Yes," answered Rumil. "And no. I think he deserves more than a punch. Maybe even a kick, or a-" he stopped, noticing the elf in the doorway. "Halli?" He stood, rushing over to him. "Gosh, Halli, you look terrible. Come, sit with us by the fire." Rumil led his eldest brother to the floor, placing him closest to the hearth. "Is there anything I can get for you?"
"Miruvor... knuckle sandwich... " Orophin’s words were whispered into Valarda’s ear, well below the hearing of others, but his wife pinched him regardless.
Haldir swallowed hard, looking into the fire. "I just wanted to be with my family."
Orophin picked up the rabbit, positioning it so that it was peering over Valarda’s shoulder. "And we just want to be with you. Did you bring your old pal Nibbles some carrots?" asked the rabbit, in a high pitched Orophinish voice.
Haldir smiled and reached forward for the rabbit, which Orophin promptly handed over. "I’m a little jealous, Halli. I sometimes wish I had a rabbit of my own."
"Ask the twins. I am sure they would make one for you," said Haldir, positioning the bunny in his lap.
"Is that where it came from?" Celeborn passed the bottle to Valarda. "I had wondered how it came to be."
Footsteps on the stairs told them someone else approached. They were graceful, but heavier than normal for an elf. "Nana sounds tired," said Rumil, glancing toward the stairway. Soon, Galadriel came to the door, quite obviously emotionally spent.
Celeborn was up to greet her in an instant, leading her to the fire before pulling the oversized chair closer for her. "My dear, if I sit down in that, it is not likely I shall get back up," she teased. Celeborn considered this, and replaced the chair with the rocker. Once his wife was settled, Celeborn resumed a spot on the floor, but now his hands were wrapped around Galadriel’s feet instead of the brandy bottle. She closed her eyes and sank into the cushions, not about to stop her husband. "Elrond is doing better. He woke and asked to be alone with Celebrian. I checked on the twins, they are both sound asleep, poor things. They will not take things well." Galadriel opened her eyes and laid them upon her oldest son. "Haldir?"
Not wishing to further discuss his vision or his thoughts tonight, he slowly and reluctantly raised his head. "Yes?"
"When we were at the festival, we saw Thranduil there. He is going to be holding a number of celebrations in the coming months, two of which concern you. The second is quite a surprise to me, but he wishes to hold a gathering for the family in honor of the new elfling." She placed a hand on her growing belly with affection.
"That is generous of him," nodded Haldir. "And the first?"
"He is holding a banquet for a number of the great leaders and rulers among the elves," Galadriel answered. "Your father and I shall attend, as will Elrond and Celebrian. Invitation has of course been extended to you as well."
"Why would a former guardian of the woods be invited to such an event?" Haldir wondered. Galadriel laughed.
"He isn’t inviting a former Captain, he is inviting a former King."
Orophin almost spilled the brandy in his excitement. "That is right! You were King of the Infested Forest! Still are, technically, are you not?"
Haldir crossed his arms, giving his brother his most arrogant single-raised eyebrow look. "And I would lock you in my dungeons if we were there now."
"Not a problem," Orophin said. "From what I hear, they keep neither gangly hobbit nor hearty dwarf imprisoned for long. I would be out by nightfall."
Galadriel let a hand slide across Celeborn’s shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, then." The lord stood up abruptly, hiding his blush. "It has been a busy night, and we are overdue to retire. Until the morning, my children, and a late morning at that, I should think." They bid them all goodnight, and soon were followed by Celebdreth and his parents.
Valarda sat now between Orophin and Haldir as the fire slowly flickered and faded. She linked one arm with Orophin and the other with Haldir. "We could go out and get drunk on the beach again. In honor of King Elessar, of course."
"Oh, of course. For no other reason." Winked Orophin.
"Oro." Haldir turned, looking around Valarda to his brother. "Oro, why is Thranduil holding a gathering for our family?"
"He calls it a reunion. Although, he was a little sad that his younger son is not yet in Valinor, he thinks it is time now to have one."
"That is all well and good, but I do not understand why he is the one organizing it," Haldir said.
Orophin blinked. "Well, why can’t he."
Haldir shifted his gaze to the smoldering logs. "Oh."
Unable to completely control his laughter, Orophin snickered. "Even I knew he was related to us."
"Thank you for informing me, oh fountain of knowledge," grumbled Haldir.
"You are most welcome, oh king of the infested forest," replied Orophin.
The fire spat and crackled and the last ember turned to grey ash. Outside the skies were pale blue-grey, the morning promising to be overcast. "You know what we could do..." suggested Valarda, letting the suggestion hang in midair.
Haldir tossed his rabbit onto the chair, then pulled Valarda up off of the floor, who then yanked Orophin into a standing position. Orophin grabbed the half-empty bottle of brandy from the floor, then retrieved a jug of good wine from the kitchen before following his wife and brother onto the beach. In the fading moonlight, the three drank to the Gondorian king, singing their eulogies into the East.
"No man was he, but a mortal elf. I drink to all he did and all he was, and whatever he may yet become!" shouted Orophin to the sea.
"Never truer his words, never greater his heart. A leader, a lover, a fighter, a friend. Beware, Mandos, into your midst comes the king of all kings!" warned Valarda, her words washed upon the waves.
"You fought beside me in battle, and for that, I shall always respect you. You held me once in death, and for that, I shall always remember you." Haldir paused, blinking away the tears that came. "You cherished the elleth I loved in ways I could not, and for that, I shall always love you. Use wisely your gift, and dwell not long in the halls, Estel, my friend. Namarie."
