Rumil poked his head into Orophin's room just as the door leading outside could be heard closing. "This is the last one," he hissed, holding it out in his palm.
"It's so small," pouted Orophin as he came away from the window where he had been watching his wife climb into a carriage with his mother.
"Take it or leave it," threatened Rumil.
Climbing over the piles of stuff in the room, Orophin came to the door and took hold of the pumpkin by the stem. "Mmm... I don't think Valarda's going to go for it. It's half the size of all of the others." Rumil scowled and tried to take it back, but Orophin clutched the squash to his chest. "Mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine-mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine-"
"Honestly! This is it. The end of it."
"Understood," answered Orophin, pumpkin still clutched to his chest.
"No more," warned Rumil, shaking his finger at his brother.
"Yes, yes." Orophin set the pumpkin onto the bookshelf, on the highest place that wasn't cluttered.
Rumil simply glared.
"Thank you, Master Stork," said Orophin, patting Rumil's head.
"I am not a stork," Rumil said, folding his arms over his chest.
"You just delivered my pseudo child to me. What are you, the delivery penguin? The delivery hippopotamus? The delivery marmoset?"
Shooting Orophin a whithering look, Rumil said, "If you must, go back to the stork."
"Will do," answered Orophin as he flopped down on his bed for a nap, saluting Rumil from his prone position.
"I give you three days," mumbled Rumil as he left the room.
"I give me three hours," shouted Orophin before settling back into reverie.
"I know something is up."
"Mmm-hmm," answered Orophin, rolling over in bed and pulling the pillow to cover over his ears.
"Elrond is avoiding me. More than usual," stated Haldir as he made an attempt to pace through the sloppy mix of clothing, dishes, and other various odds and ends that littered the floor. "And, Rumil keeps smirking."
"Mmm-hmm."
Narrowing his eyes, Haldir reached over and yanked the pillow away from his younger brother. "You're not in on something for my birthday, are you?"
"In on what?" questioned Orophin, blinking as he tried to regain possession of his pillow.
Tossing the pillow back over Orophin's head, Haldir went to the bookshelf and leaned against it. "I don't know why I bother to ask. If you're plotting, you wouldn't tell me." He picked up the pumpkin from the shelf and started to toss it into the air and catch it.
"You're catching on. And quick. How many centuries have you spent working that one out?"
Pausing, Haldir turned the smooth object in his hands and contemplated throwing it at Orophin, except that it would likely have been thrown back. "Bite me," he spat, tossing the pumpkin in the air again.
"With pleasure. Bring me your arm," came Orophin's muffled voice.
"I just know you're up to something," said Haldir, ignoring Orophin's request. "At least with Legolas around now, I can- oops," he said as the stem of the pumpkin broke off. He fumbled with it, but it fell to the ground, and was instantly lost in the mess.
"Oops? I don't like oops." Orophin's face poked out from under the pillow as Haldir hastily set the pumpkin back onto the shelf. "Ai! Red!"
"Red?" Haldir glanced at the squash as Orophin scrambled out of bed. "It's orange, Oro."
"No, it's Red! You've irreparably damaged my son! Aiya, Valarda won't let me hear the end of it..."
Haldir blinked. "It's... a pumpkin..."
"No, it's my son!" Orophin shouted, grabbing it from the shelf.
"Your wife gives birth to pumpkins?" asked Haldir in a monotonous and disbelieving voice. Orophin glared at Haldir as Rumil entered the room.
"Did you kill another one?" asked Rumil, staring at Orophin.
"No, Haldir amputated his... his... his leg, I think," pondered Orophin, turning the small, orange object in his hands. Looking down at the ground, he bent over to retrieve the stem from the mess.
"It's not his leg, it's where it was attached to the plant. That makes it his placental cord," Rumil corrected.
"It's solid and long." Orophin rose up, and taking the retrieved piece, beat it against the shelf, causing his brothers to jump. "It's an arm or a leg or something."
"If it's hard and long," said Haldir, "then it's probably-"
Haldir was silenced by the hard backhanded slap against his shoulder. "You made my son a eunuch?!"
"No! And I didn't make your PUMPKIN anything, either!" yelled Haldir, grabbing the stem and tossing it back to the ground.
"It was bound to fall off anyhow," reasoned Rumil, trying to calm them down. "Besides, Oro, to really be a eunuch-"
"La la la la la la la la!" shouted Orophin, hand on one ear and pumpkin against the other. "La la la la la!"
"Why can't you admit I'm right sometimes?" retorted Rumil, trying to pull Orophin's hand from his head. He managed to pull the pumpkin free instead and shouted into Orophin's ear as their father got to the door, "Castration means you cut off his-"
"LAA LAA LAA LAA!"
"You know, Oro, if we castrated you, you could sing that in soprano!"
"Alright," announced Celeborn from the doorway, "I'm going to count to three-"
"You twit, I'm too old now!"
"I'd still do it!"
"Halli, that's disgusting!"
"-and when I get to three-"
"You're disgusting, you brought it up in the first place!"
"You said you broke his... * thing * off."
"His thing, Rumil? Really, how old are you?"
"-there will be silence. Ready? And- three." Celeborn paused.
"You're an ass," said Orophin, finally breaking the silence as he shoved Haldir.
"You're a bigger ass," he countered, shoving him back.
Leaning against his father, Rumil pouted, "Sometimes I wish I was an only child."
Sighing, Celeborn patted the head of the son that was snuggling against him and asked, "Why are you both asses now?"
"There needs to be a reason? He's always been an ass," spat Orophin.
A noise of discontent came from Haldir. "Me? How about you? You started it."
Bowing his head, Celeborn reached up and pinched his nose. "Please, please don't do this, not today. Actually, not ever again, if any of you can help it. Why can't you just... punch each other like my brother and I used to do? It was such an easy way to finish an argument rather than bickering like puppies."
"I wasn't bickering," piped up Rumil. He handed the pumpkin to Celeborn. "I tried to get them not to fight over this."
"This?" Celeborn took the pumpkin and tossed it up into the air, catching it easily. "Well, mine now."
"It's mine," growled Orophin, his concentration suddenly completely off of Haldir.
"It's a pumpkin," argued Haldir.
Glancing between them, Celeborn tossed it up into the air once again. Orophin made a swipe for it, but missed. "Well, now it is mine." For emphasis, he lifted it up and took a large bite.
Orophin immediately fainted, falling down into the piles of clothing on the floor. Rumil doubled over in laughter, having to back up to steady himself against the wall.
Chewing and swallowing, Celeborn looked down at Orophin worriedly as Haldir nudged his brother with his foot. "Should I be concerned?"
"No, he'll wake up eventually," Haldir responded, nudging Orophin again. Behind them, Rumil had slid down to the floor, still laughing and holding his stomach.
"That's his child!" burst out Rumil. "He wanted to... to practice..." gasped Rumil between fits of laughter.
"Oops," replied Celeborn, taking another bite.
