Haldir looked back over his shoulder at the closed door to his bedroom. His heart was pounding madly, and he half expected it to be thrown open at any moment. Once more he peered down at the ground below his window. The opening was smaller than the ones in the office, but if he jumped from the office, those below the window would most certainly see him do so. Jumping out of the window here was much safer.
As quietly as he could, Haldir squeezed through the open window by sitting on the ledge and leaning backwards, trying his best not to scrape his shoulders on the edge. As soon as he was nearly parallel to the ground, he let go his hold and fell backwards onto the palms of his hands. He had anticipated the drop well and propelled himself backward, landing in a crouched position, but on his feet, a moment later.
Listening intently, he could hear only the sounds of merriment in the parlor. Using extreme caution, Haldir stealthfully moved away from the house until it was little more than a speck of light in the distance.
- - -
"Happy Birthday, you thief!" Legolas slapped Haldir on the back as he took up residence on the stool next to him. "You're getting to be an old elf, you know that?"
Haldir hushed his friend, and then spoke in a low voice. "Please, not too loud. It isn't until tomorrow, actually. And stop calling me a thief, your father offered you Greenwood, and I took it only after you declined."
"I am so terribly sorry, your majesty," Legolas corrected. "Happy Birthday, King Thief."
"Thanks," grinned Haldir as Glorcheniel set his usual down on the counter in front of him. Haldir drew the glass of white wine closer, swirling the liquid uneasily.
"Haldir, it is only another birthday. Another year older, and yet you seem to fret over something." Legolas glanced across the room for a moment, smiling at what he saw, then nudged Haldir and pointed. Gimli, though he had never been able to master dances such as waltzes had developed his own style of immobile dancing. At any given time, it was not unusual for him to have three or four ellith crowded about, dancing with and around him.
Haldir shook his head and sipped his wine. In the very few months that Legolas and Gimli had been in Valinor, they had become quite the talk of the place. Besides their seemingly odd friendship to those who had lived in the realms of Middle Earth, many of the elves in places such as the King's Kastle had never seen a dwarf, as they had never traveled beyond Valinor. Still others found their fascination with the tasks the elf and dwarf had helped to accomplish at the end of the Third Age.
When he turned back to Legolas, he found he was being stared at. "What?"
"You haven't told me."
"Told you what?" wondered Haldir, drinking the wine, and keeping an eye on the doorway in case someone from his family happened in. The twins and Celebdreth he could handle, but he wasn't entirely convinced yet that his father and brothers wouldn't have anything to do with Elrond's planned revenge.
"Why you're on edge."
"I am not on edge." Haldir gulped the wine, still watching the doorway. "I am worried only, for Elrond I think may be plotting against me this night."
"Ah. Well, I do not believe he has ever come back here, so you can stop watching the door," said Legolas. Haldir sighed, looking back to the dance floor. He watched the various elves, and the dwarf of course, and couldn't help but notice his eyelids drooping after a few minutes.
"My word, but I am feeling tired this evening," Haldir said. He stretched his back, threw back the rest of his wine, and waved over the bartender to see if he might get some tea.
"Well, you should be. It's taking quite long enough already."
Haldir looked up, turning slowly to Legolas, who was drumming his fingers on the counter impatiently. "What?"
Legolas picked up Haldir's empty glass and sniffed it. "I had Glorcheniel drug you. Although I think she probably put enough in to subdue a pony."
"You bastard!" Haldir grabbed at Legolas, but succeeded in stumbling off of his stool onto the floor. He shook his head trying to clear it, but his head was getting cloudy and his eyes were loosing focus on everything.
"I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell," a voice said, mimicking his own occasional haughtiness. He heard it, the words being spoken directly in his ear, and yet, he felt miles away. "An alliance once existed between Elves and Half-elves. Long ago we acted foolish and drank together. I come to honor that allegiance." Legolas grinned, but Haldir was paying more attention to trying to get off the floor and less to what the other elf was doing to see. "Apparently, this same thing was done to your father when he was your age."
"Oh, ha ha, how dramatic," slurred Haldir, grasping the leg of the stool in an attempt to stand. "And what does Lord Elrond of the House of the Pink Sea Birds wish to tell me?"
Legolas tilted his head thoughtfully, as if straining to remember. "He wishes you a happy birthday and extends an invitation to a private celebration."
"Tell him I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request."
"Ah, he told me you might say that. But you're the guest of honor, so it is my duty to make sure you are there." Moments later, everything dulled and the world around Haldir darkened to grey.
- - -
Legolas rode onto the beach, steadying Haldir's slumped body in front of him as he slowed his mount. Next to his horse trotted a dappled grey mare, carrying Glorcheniel and Gimli, who had wholeheartedly refused both the idea of riding back alone or staying at the King's Kastle. Legolas had been able to easily persuade his father to allow Glorcheniel leave from her duties. After all, it was Valinor, and work here was meant to be fun. The King of the Kastle himself pulled upon the reigns of his own horse, slowing down the steed that likely may have been mistaken for a horse of a dark rider with its midnight coat. Ilmendin did not stop his horse, racing it toward the water where it frolicked in the foam of the sea before returning to the group.
Elladan and Elrohir raced over when they saw the horses approaching. They helped Thranduil with his load, and then Ilmendin when he returned with his horse. Unlike the majority of the residents of Valinor, Thranduil had insisted upon bringing his own horses to the Undying Lands, and had enough to continue breeding them. All of them had the blood of the horses of Rohan in their veins, and two even boasted themselves to be children of Shadowfax. Ilmendin's horse was one of these, and the snowy white mare cantered over, a little proud, but also a little playful, as she nipped at Elrohir's shoulder when he patted the side of her neck.
As the twins and Ilmendin unloaded the barrels from the back of Mirromage, Thranduil marched Ithir to the large hole that had been dug in the sand. "It is much too big, Elrond," he commented, sliding gracefully from his horse.
"It isn't very deep, though." Celeborn jumped down, showing that the walls of the hole only came up to the middle of his chest and that he could climb out easily.
"It is still deeper than I anticipated and larger than I thought it would be." Thranduil glanced at the four barrels that had been brought along and shook his head. "We do not have enough."
"Last time you said you only used two barrels," Elrond told him, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, yet slightly worried.
Thranduil nodded. "And last time, we used an indoor bathing tub."
"Celeborn!" scolded Elrond. "You neglected to mention that part to me."
"It was a very humiliating episode in my long life," replied his father-in-law. "I've tried to block out as many of the details as possible."
Elrond looked down into the hole. "We could fill part of it in again," he suggested.
By now, the majority of the elves on the beach, and the dwarf, were gathering around the hole, looking down into it. "What we could do is mix it with water. That would help fill the whole hole," suggested Legolas.
"Won't work. It wouldn't mix well, and most of it will sink to the bottom. That would defeat the entire purpose." Thranduil looked around the area. "You don't have many trees or I would say you could line the bottom with leaves."
"What if we had something heavier on the bottom? We could add enough water to get a sort of quicksand down there on the bottom," said Orophin.
"That would mean we would have to carry the water over, and get the hole damp enough so that the water did not seep out. We do not have the time for it." Thranduil looked around the group in alarm. "Where is our victim?"
Legolas raced back to his horse in haste, pulling Haldir's body down from it.
"Did you think you would just leave him there?" asked Ilmendin incredulously as he helped his brother carry Haldir toward the group.
"I brought him here, I thought someone else might think to do with him whatever they intended."
"Not over here!" commanded their father, and the brothers stopped both in movement and argument. "Put him next to the tree. Bind his hands, behind his back, just in case."
"Ooo... I'll do that!" volunteered Glorcheniel, a bit more eagerly than she had planned to have sounded as she bounded over to the birch tree.
"Celeborn!" The voice came from the direction of the house, and everyone turned to see Galadriel standing on the porch of the third story of the house. "You're not getting that tunic torn up, are you? I hardly have the time to mend the clothes you wear out, I do not have the patience to fix what you intentionally destroy." Her voice was commanding, yet not very loud. In her arms she held the elfling, and was continuing to feed her throughout her lecture. "Take it off right now, I will not have you snagging it up or getting the hem filled with sand."
"Mae govannen, Galadriel, Lady of Light!" called out Thranduil as he bowed.
"Don't mae govannen me, you rogue!" she called back. "I blame all of this on you for making up that silly rhyme!"
Thranduil grabbed at his heart as if shot by an arrow. "Tis always the messenger who takes the blame."
"And it isn't even a good poem!" she went on, ignoring his comment.
Celeborn held up the tunic above his head. "Are we satisfied, then, my glittering maiden?"
Galadriel stepped forward to the edge of the rail, holding one hand over it while the other cradled the elfling. Celeborn trudged over until he was beneath it, and then threw the garment into the air. Galadriel caught the collar of it. "I'm putting her to bed soon. Be aware that if I am awakened in the early morning hours, either by elfling or by noisy, reckless mob, you shall be the one I come after, dear one."
"I think truly you should give Haldir that honor, for it is his birthday."
Galadriel failed in attempting not to smile. "Go easy on him."
"This is Elrond's present, not mine."
"Elrond?"
Elrond jogged over to where Thranduil was standing. "Yes, Sa'Nana?"
"Play nice with your brother," she insisted. "But... make sure I don't miss it." There was a bit of something mischievous in her eye as she turned to go back into the house.
"We've figured it out," announced Celebdreth. "We're going to put rocks around the edges, so it'll still be deep in the middle, but then we don't have to fill in the hole at all."
"What rocks? These rocks?" asked Thranduil, pointing at the small stones and pebbles along the beach with his toe.
Elrohir shook his head. "No, no. Bigger ones. More like…uhm…" Elrohir looked around the beach. "We don't really have any big rocks here, do we?"
"What do we have?" mused Elladan, sitting down on a log that had washed up on the beach years ago.
"Apparently, not much," confessed his brother, sitting down next to him.
"Seaweed," remarked Gimli. "You have enough to choke a horse. Three or four, by the looks of things. It's easy to carry and you can put it in the hole on the bottom."
"Brilliant," said Thranduil. "You should have brought a few more dwarves with you, Legolas, I forget often how crafty they are."
"They'd have to be, Ada, to have been able to escape our dungeons," added Legolas.
Ilmendin looked a little skeptical as he began to gather seaweed. "I will give credit to the dwarf for coming up with the solution," he said, "but I fail to remember a time when we were able to detain anything in our dungeons for very long."
- - -
When Haldir regained his senses, the first thing he noted was the evening breeze. The crisp fall air sharpened his mind quickly, and he felt the tingle in his arms, the smooth bark upon his back. Only his leggings were still on, but he thanked the Valar for them all the same. If Legolas was a party to this, then likely there were a few more elves here as well.
Instead of working upon the ropes binding his hands, he tried first to remove the blindfold from his eyes. His work made more noise than he had hoped for, and moments later a call from Rumil made all aware of Haldir's alertness.
"Traitors," he hissed as he recognized the familiar sounds of Orophin and Rumil approaching.
"We were blackmailed. No choice in the matter," said Orophin, holding tightly to Haldir's arms as Rumil untied the rope.
"I can believe that for Rumil, but as for you, there is no secret you have ever wanted to keep hidden about yourself," retorted the eldest brother.
"It is for Valarda's sake I am here, brother." Haldir found himself hoisted up as Orophin continued. "Although, I rather think she planned to help anyhow."
"She is here?" Haldir tried to stall them from leaving the tree, but was nearly dragged forward. Rather than be hauled out like a rabid dog, Haldir walked forward with them, head held high.
Orophin grinned. "Many are here, brother. Shall I name them?"
"Do not dare."
Haldir tried to pick out the voices as they came nearer. Most assuredly, Elrond was there, and he was glad to be blindfolded so that he would not see the wide grin on the peredhel's face. This was not merely revenge for the flamingo incident, but for a number of other pranks. The more Haldir thought of things, he realized Elrond had never fallen victim, and had always bested him in the end. The extreme measure he was willing to take now made sense, then, for he was likely rather sore to have been finally caught unawares. When they stopped, Haldir attempted to get his bearings. They were obviously on the beach, from the sand under his feet, but not quite to the sea, the waves still in the distance. "Good evening, Lord Elrond and company of my impending doom," he said, taking the initiative to speak.
"This is going to be great fun," Elrond announced as he came up to Haldir. "As promised, you were duly warned of this."
"Aye," said Haldir ruefully. "And I would have gotten away from here, if it weren't for that meddling elf." Snickers followed this line, and a deep chuckle as well. "Oh, curse the ages, he brought the dwarf out here? That's just lovely. I am so pleased to know the dwarf has seen me in such a state."
"The dwarf isn't the only one!" called out a high-pitched giggling voice.
Haldir's jaw dropped. "Anovariel? Who else is here?" As laughter began to mount, Orophin cleared his throat.
"Only a few of your closest friends and dearest acquaintances. Some of the Galadhrim, some of your Greenwood subjects, a few others from Imladris. Let me put it this way," began Orophin again, "if ever anyone would have liked to have seen you become completely overcome with humiliation, this was the time for them to show up."
"Looks a little like half of Valinor came," added Rumil.
Haldir knew he was blushing furiously at this point. "Just throw me in and be done with it then, and let me swim back to Middle-earth with at least a little dignity left."
"By the morning light, I swear you shall have none," Elrond announced. "Now," he said, speaking so that he was addressing the entire crowd, "I suppose some of you might wonder just what exactly we are doing standing around a big hole in the ground and what precisely is in that hole." He pulled out a scroll from the pocket of his tunic. "I have in my hand eight lines of writing that explain just that. However, since it is Haldir's birthday, I thought he might wish to be the one to tell them to us."
"Must I?"
"You don't have to," said Elrond, "but your brothers have instructions that if you do not, they are to strip you of the rest of your dignity."
Haldir took a moment to let the words register. He felt Orophin's free hand tug on the side of his leggings, and knew the elf was grinning like mad. "Alright, fine!" he shouted, as the tugging got more insistent. Taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat and recited,
"If I should still be alive
At three thousand one hundred forty-five
When that day does arrive
Collect all the honey from the hive
Let me sleep, but when I revive
Into it I shall then dive
And this task I will survive
At three thousand one hundred forty-five."
"That was lovely."
"Brought a tear to my eye."
"Can we just get on with it?" insisted Haldir, struggling for the first time from the grip of his brothers.
Elrond silenced the crowd with a wave of his hand. "Of course. All you need to do is dive in." Orophin and Rumil released their hold on their brother, letting him stand free.
"Wait. You aren't throwing me in. I could just turn and walk away now."
"You could," agreed Elrond. "But... wouldn't that be retreating? Captain?"
Haldir reached up for the blindfold, but stopped himself. The last thing he wanted was to see all of the elves standing on the beach, watching him. And although the thought of jumping into a pit filled with honey was not high on his list of things to do while in Valinor, neither was become the laughing stock of the place. True, if he jumped in, he wasn't going to hear the end of it for the next few days. But if he refused to, he wouldn't hear the end of it for some time.
"Remember, Haldir," added Elrond, as if he was reading his thoughts, "I wore that stupid pink hat all day long."
Haldir stepped forward, testing the ground until he found the hole. "Is it deep?"
"Very."
He took a deep breath, covered his nose with his hand as he turned around, and let himself fall backward, tucking in his legs. The fall wasn't as bad as he had imagined, and there was something spongy that he landed on. He felt the sticky substance cover him, and cringed at the thought of trying to get it out of his hair later. He was able to stand after a moment, trying to wipe the goo from him. He heard the applause overhead, and couldn't stop himself from laughing.
Near the edge, Celeborn smirked, shaking his head. "I wasn't nearly as covered as that when they did it to me," he told Galadriel, who had made it away from the house for the moment, leaving the elfling in Celebrian's care.
Galadriel nodded, then turned Celeborn around and kissed him. He looked at her strangely, as if wondering for what reason she had done so. "I just want you to know ahead of time that I really love you," she said. Celeborn still looked confused, and recognized too late what she intended when Galadriel's hands pressed firmly on Celeborn's chest, pushing him backwards. Celeborn tried to regain his balance, but slipped over the edge, knocking Haldir back into the pit of honey and covering himself thoroughly. When Celeborn stood up, shaking himself off, but managing to get more of it back on in the process, Galadriel called out, "Happy belated birthday, Elrond."
"Thank you, Sa'Nana." Elrond walked slowly to the edge, hands behind his back.
Haldir felt his father carefully getting out of the mess in the hole, and then felt a hand reaching back down for him. Grasping it best he could, he scampered out of the pit with help from Celeborn.
"Now?" asked Orophin.
"No!" Celeborn was able to see it just before it happened, but Haldir, still blind, didn't know what hit him until he removed the blindfold. No one could have figured that he and Celeborn had been covered in honey, for now they were plastered with thousands of pink feathers.
"I knew from the minute I saw them littering the beach what to do with them," said Elrond proudly. "Happy birthday, Haldir. If you wish, I give you leave to use my beach to clean up," he said, waving toward the water.
"How thoughtful, my lord," said Haldir. "But I think first, I should really show my... appreciation to my family for this wonderful gift." He nudged his father, and nodded toward Orophin and Rumil, both of whom were holding now-empty pillowcases in their hands. "You can go hug Rumil, but Orophin is *mine*!" The brothers dropped their sacks and ran off, Haldir in pursuit. Haldir was quite relieved to see that there were actually far fewer elves upon the beach than he had thought – besides his own family, it appeared that only a dozen or so were also at the early morning party on the beach.
Celeborn strolled up to Galadriel, holding his feathered arms away from his body a bit. "You are very lucky, my dear, that I so love your beautiful hair, or I'd have you in the biggest bear hug right now."
"No you wouldn't. You know I'd kill you if you mangled this dress." She smiled politely. "Kinslayer," she reminded him. "I'm the kind of elleth your mother told you to watch out for."
"And I love you all the same," he replied. "Mark my words, turtledove, this isn't over yet."
"Of course not," she answered, and leaning as close as she dared, added, "You know where to find me when you've cleaned yourself up, my stallion."
Rumil ran past, looking over his shoulder, and wound his way around Celeborn with what sounded like an `eep'. Haldir was close behind and pointed across the beach with a wave of his arm. "Go hug Legolas for me, Ada, he's the one who drugged me. And Glorcheniel, too! She had a part in this!"
"There are so many reasons I am not doing any of the sort," laughed Celeborn, heading down to the water. On the way down, he met up with Orophin and Valarda, both of whom were soaking wet, and had apparently already been thanked for their part in the event.
The pair approached the hole, where now only Mirromage stood, lapping at the honey she could reach.
"All that honey, gone to waste," sighed Valarda, looking down into the hole.
"Actually," grinned Orophin, "we only used three of the barrels." Valarda quirked a brow, and Orophin grabbed hold of her hand, pulling her in the direction of the First Homely House.
