Haldir realized he was wet.
Very wet. And very cold.
He rolled onto his back, and immediately found this to be a mistake as another bucket of icy water hit him. Sitting up abruptly made things worse. Although it stopped Galadriel from dousing him with another bucket, it did cause everything to shake and swerve rather violently. Somehow he was aware of Orophin's presence by the amused snorting and sleepy chuckles behind him.
Bleary-eyed, Haldir looked up at his mother, wishing she would hold steady for a moment. "Good morning, Nana," he mustered as cheerfully as he could, but his voice was raw and he slurred the words unintentionally. Now Orophin was openly laughing, and if he'd been a bit more sober, Haldir knew he would have slugged his younger brother.
"Good morning? It is late afternoon, and most definitely not a good one," she fumed, tossing the empty bucket at her feet. "Just what were you thinking, getting drunk on the beach in clear view of anyone traveling from the east, not to mention anyone who cared to look from the west."
"You've never had a problem with us drinking on the beach before." This was not the correct response, as Haldir soon found out. He fast found himself on his feet, one of Galadriel's hands holding him up by the front of his shirt, and the other pointing a long, angry finger at his nose.
"There is a fine line between drinking and getting drunk, and you ran clear across it and never looked back." The finger shook at him violently, and Haldir had to look away to keep from getting dizzy. As it was, her words were magnified in his head.
On the bright side, Orophin had stopped laughing.
"I've been drunk lots of times, Nana," continued Haldir, somehow thinking he could appeal to her in a diplomatic fashion. "Both here and back in Lorien. And in Mirkwood, lots of times in Mirkwood." He heard Orophin laugh again, and something told him if he was within range, he would have kicked him.
Galadriel did not respond at first, and Haldir was thankful, for it gave him some time to try to recall exactly what and how much alcohol he had consumed the previous night. "I refuse to continue this conversation outside. Into the house. Now."
The instant Galadriel let go of Haldir, he felt his knees give way and he crumpled to the ground. Unsuccessfully, he tried a few times to stand back up as he watched Galadriel walk briskly to the house. A hand suddenly appeared in front of him, and he grabbed hold, using it to steady himself as Orophin and Valarda both helped him manage an upright position. Using both of them for support, Haldir took a few steps forward, then suddenly stopped.
"Don't tell me you're going to be sick," Valarda warned, noting Haldir's color and facial expression. She ducked out from his arm and made her way to the house. "I'll hold the door open for you!" she offered, staggering forward in a variable line.
"Hey! A little help, here, dearest!" Orophin managed to reposition Haldir as they headed once again to the house.
"He's your brother, my love!" Valarda shouted back, pulling herself onto the porch, heavily relying on the railing. "You're the one who told me you wanted to take care of him. Far be it for me to step in."
Orophin shrugged as he continued to help Haldir along. "Why aren't you feeling the affects of the drink, Oro?" Haldir hadn't ever gotten himself this drunk before, and never before to any degree with either of his brothers.
Orophin hauled Haldir up the porch and through the door, which Valarda held open as promised. "Don't know." Orophin looked around, listening for the others in the house, settling on the kitchen as their final destination.
"Oh, he is," promised Valarda, taking up the rear of the procession. "He most certainly is. He gets very odd. Odder than normal."
"Pay no attention to the voices in the hall," Orophin muttered, kicking the kitchen door open.
"See? He's getting silly already." Valarda was about to sit down when someone yanked her back up.
"Ah, ah, ah. You're wet." Celebrian had been in the kitchen already, conversing with Rumil and Nenniach over a light lunch. "Up to your room and change into something dry. You could use a bath, too!" she added as Valarda reluctantly left the room.
"I don't think Haldir can do steps right now," argued Orophin as Celebrian pointed in the direction of the door.
"I don't much care whether he can or not. I will not have him mess my kitchen. The last time he got drunk, I had to scrape some sort of nearly lembas concoction off of my baking pans. If he's clean and dry, he can sit at the table, but until then, out!"
Orophin pulled Haldir into the hallway to the stairs.
They made it four steps before the new carpet had to be cleaned.
- - -
In the end, Orophin opted for a simpler task than getting Haldir to his rooms. He tossed his brother into the sea to take a bath, and retrieved fresh clothes for him. Hours later, three very tired, hung-over elves sat at the kitchen table of the First Homely House, with naught but their hair wet. The door to the kitchen creaked open, and all three groaned at the noise. In walked one elf, and a second, identical copy.
"Ada had us remove the rugs from the stairs," Elladan said, sitting down at one end of the table.
"Lovely shade of orange you discovered, Uncle." Elrohir was able to cover his grin with his back turned. He pulled two cups down from the cupboard, and shut the door, then made sure the doors to each and every cupboard and drawer were tightly shut, pulling a few out twice and rechecking them just in case.
"I can't imagine he's happy about the rugs," Haldir answered, staring down into his mug of untouched black coffee. Across from him, Valarda had her head propped upon her hands, elbows on the table. She, too, was quite intrigued by the contents of her cup.
Elladan shrugged. "He really didn't like the rugs, as a matter of fact. I think you've done him a great favor."
Elrohir nodded, facing the group now as he slowly poured two cups from the pot that had been hanging near the fire. He slowly walked to Elladan, setting one cup in front of him on the table, and Haldir grunted in displeasure as Elrohir continued to the other side of the table, his boots clicking against the floor in an unfamiliar way.
"Sugar?" Elrohir offered his brother.
"Yes, please." Elladan now stood, and the rustle of the fabric as he walked to his twin sounded to Valarda like thunder in the heavens. Elrohir measured each spoonful with painstaking accuracy, scraping the metal along the top of the bowl, tapping the overturned spoon against the top of the cup until each granule had fallen into the liquid. Elladan rounded the table to sit again, and was about to sip from his cup when he suggested, "Cream?"
"I should think so." Elrohir got up again, making his way to the doorway in the corner that led to the underground pantry, a cool storage area for such things as cream. Once he had entered, those in the kitchen were treated to a carnival of sounds as Elrohir rummaged through what had to be the entire contents of the pantry before finding the cream. Elladan sat at the table, saying nothing, as he stirred his own drink, spoon ricocheting off the sides in a clinking symphony of sound.
"Here we are." Elrohir emerged from the cellar, victoriously holding a bottle of cream. It took the twins another twenty minutes to pour the cream, find sweets that were to their liking, and a plate to put them on, for they remarked the company of the kitchen left something to be desired. They left just barely containing their smirks as they disappeared through the door.
"Do you think Nana sent them, or their father?" asked Haldir, still not looking up from his cup.
Valarda rubbed her head, hoping to persuade her headache to subside. "It had to be Galadriel. Did you see the heap of food they took with them? It's all for her, I'm sure. She sent them, I just know it."
"And the coffee. Elrond doesn't drink coffee. The twins take theirs with vanilla, no cream, no sugar." Haldir turned to look to his left where Orophin sat, waiting for his younger brother's opinion.
"Urrrrreppppp."
Haldir closed his eyes and turned back to his coffee. "That was quite informative, Oro." As an afterthought, Haldir kicked him under the table.
"Ow." Orophin looked up expectantly at his brother, then his wife, and frowned upon seeing that neither had so much as looked up. "I said, Ow."
Haldir opened his eyes again. "Hmm?"
"I said, OW." Orophin crossed his arms and pouted. "Ow, as in, something has hurt me."
"Oh. Are you hurt?" asked Haldir.
Orophin rolled his eyes. "Nay, I am not hurt. I was just testing you. And you failed miserably." He whacked at Haldir's shoulder with the palms of his hands for a few moments, but when he did not receive any reaction, he looked across at Valarda, wagging a finger. "And you-" She arched one brow, fiercely staring him down. "-are quite lovely this after-evening-night," Orophin noted that darkness had begun to claim the sky.
"I think one can safely say this was the least productive day we have ever had," Valarda finally decided, dipping her pinky finger into her coffee to find it had gone cold.
"Pancakes," nodded Orophin. "We should have pancakes." He looked up at Valarda hopefully.
"I'd love some pancakes, dear one. I think I'm going to take a walk around the house while you make them." Valarda slid back her chair and managed to walk out of the room much better than she had walked into the room.
"Halli…" Orophin glanced sideways at Haldir hopefully.
"Haldir isn't here right now. If you leave a message, he might get back to you in the morning."
Orophin stretched his arms and legs, then began to gather the necessary ingredients. And started to whistle. Then hum. Then sing. "I like fireflies, I like fireflies, I like fireflies-"
"Stop it, Oro, or I'm going to throttle you."
"I like fireflies, yummy little fireflies, I like fireflies, crunchy munchy fireflies, I like fireflies…Halli?" Orophin turned to find Haldir clutching his stomach and looking none too happy. "If you're going to get sick again, don't do it in here," he advised, putting down the jar of flour he had retrieved from the pantry.
"I think…I should go outside."
Orophin nodded. "I'll help you out." He successfully managed to get Haldir out of the kitchen and eventually out of the house before Haldir emptied the contents of his stomach once again, this time, luckily hitting the sand and not the carpet. "Rather convenient, you having to puke, and us living on the beach." Orophin mused, holding his brothers hair from his face and rubbing his back. Haldir was bent over, hands steadied on his knees.
"Do not ever let me drink that much ever again. In fact, if I so much as look at an alcoholic beverage…" Haldir stopped as he was interrupted once again.
"I give you a day, three at the most, Hirband Arabeleg, and you'll be throwing them back with your father laughing about today." Valarda had made the circuit of the house and approached them, fiddling in her pocket to retrieve a handkerchief. She handed the cloth out to Haldir once he'd finished round two. She then pulled Orophin aside. "He was doing fine in the house, what happened? You didn't make him eat your pancakes, did you?"
"No, I most certainly did not. I didn't even make them yet." Orophin looked over his shoulder to be sure that Haldir was still too preoccupied to hear them.
Valarda gave him a look of disbelief. "I can not imagine you were not involved somehow. What else were you doing?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Orophin frowned. "Wait. I was singing."
"You were singing." Valarda snorted. "I suppose I can attest to the fact that your singing has never done anyone any good, but this would be the first time you made someone sick with your voice." She paused, tapped her foot a moment, and asked, "What were you singing?"
Orophin blushed. "The crunchy firefly song."
Valarda slapped Orophin across the back of his head. "Perhaps you did not notice, but Haldir isn't on speaking terms with food right now. The last thing he needed to think about was eating fireflies. Honestly, I don't know where you come up with these things." Valarda stalked away, calling to Orophin, "I'm putting your brother to bed. You go back to the kitchen and finish what you started. I'll meet you there shortly."
Orophin waited until he was alone on the beach, then covered up the new evidence of last night's excursion. Once satisfied, he entered the house and went to the kitchen.
"Rumil!" Orophin jumped from the doorway to the counter where Rumil was setting freshly made pancakes on a platter. He squeezed his younger brother in an unexpected bear hug, eyeing up the pancakes. "You made pancakes!"
"I'm making pancakes," Rumil corrected, measuring out the batter on the griddle. "And I hear you all went out and got drunk last night."
"That we did," confirmed Orophin, rocking on his feet.
"Without me," sighed Rumil.
"Er, sorry." Orophin slumped against Rumil, arm around his brother's waist. "My fault there, I invited Haldir out with us. Planned just to take Valarda out to the beach, have a few drinks, a few laughs…" Orophin made a continuing motion with his free hand, and Rumil nodded knowingly, flipping the pancakes. "But I feel so bad for him, he's like a little lost rabbit, just wandering all around."
"He does seem lonely. Everyone else is paired off, save the boys, but they're grouped together, and they're young yet." Rumil looked at Orophin quizzically, noticing his brother's grin. "What now?"
"You realize we call the twins boys, young ones, elflings, though we aren't much older than they are. How many years separate us? One hundred? Two hundred?" Orophin held out the platter to collect the finished pancakes. "Why is it that when you pour the batter, even if you pour it like a square, it always makes a circle?"
"Magic," answered Rumil.
"Ah." Orophin watched Rumil pour out the remaining batter. "Haldir arrived at the tail end of the second age. When were the twins born again?"
"Around 130, 140. Just over a hundred years. That isn't very long at all," Rumil smiled, shaking his head. "I suppose I just feel older, married to someone much older than I am." Orophin nodded in agreement. "Clebri, too, it must be a family trait."
"If it is," smirked Orophin, pulling one of the pancakes off of the platter and rolling it up to eat it, "we must get it from Adar."
Rumil laughed. "How right you are. But, there was reason for your bringing up the ages of the twins."
"I think our brother needs a few friends his own age. Some elves to go out and have a good time with. Face it, dear Rumil, we have settled down. Can you imagine ever having to guard a forest again, travel ‘cross the plains in search of adventure. Do you get the urge often to slaughter orcs?" Rumil shook his head to all of Orophin's questions. "But the twins, and your son, all three scamper away in the night doing Varda knows what Mandos knows where Elbereth knows with whom."
"And you believe Haldir would benefit from such an excursion," guessed Rumil, cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. Orophin began to set out plates and silverware on the table. "You might be right about that, Oro. Such wonderful ideas you come up with when you're hung over, truly, you're going to have to get drunk more often." Rumil was answered with a dishtowel flung at his head. "It is something to think about, at the least," he decided, catching the rag and tossing it to the counter.
Orophin set the table, whistling as he worked. Whistling turned to humming, humming to singing.
"Crunchy munchy fireflies. How very interesting," commented Elrond as he entered the kitchen, Celebrian at his side. "Might one inquire as to the origin of the song?"
Orophin shrugged. "Ask your wife, she's the one who taught it to us."
Elrond's eyes slowly looked to Celebrian. Blushing furiously, she spied the platter on the table. "Mmmm. Pancakes."
Laughter filtered through from the hallway, and soon Valarda and Nenniach were pulling chairs up to the table. "The lord and lady will not be joining us this evening. She is tired, and he is cranky. Or perhaps it was she who was cranky, and he who was tired," Valarda shrugged, and continued. "Regardless, it was obviously only an excuse for them to-" She was silenced by the waving of hands of the rest of the elves in the room, especially the siblings.
"We all know well what they do up there, none of us wants to think of it," Elrond answered for the group.
"I'm sure the twins feel quite the same regarding you and Celebrian," smirked Valarda.
"Speaking of the twins," interjected Rumil, "Orophin had an idea regarding the boys and Haldir."
"More a passing thought. Just that they are closer in age than I had realized before, and that perhaps he should be persuaded to join them on one of their outings." Orophin dripped syrup onto his stack of pancakes before passing the bottle to Nenniach.
"The idea has merit," agreed Elrond as he began to methodically cut his dinner. "Although, I have noticed that Haldir gravitates to those in the house. If any of us are here, he will not likely go with them. They have offered in the past, and each time he has refused."
For some time the table was quiet with the exception of the dinner din. It was Nenniach who presented the solution. "There is a play festival being presented in a few weeks. We could vacation there; it would be nice to get away from the construction project. We can ask Haldir to watch the house and the shores and to keep an eye on Celebdreth and the twins. He would still be able to join the boys for a few hours, and I think it might seem less planned."
"We'll have to let the twins in on the plans," noted Orophin.
"What plans?" Elrohir and Elladan were standing in the doorway, Celebdreth behind them.
"Do I get to know?" Celebdreth followed his cousins into the room, all of them finding seats around the table.
"It concerns all of you," Elrond said. "But it will have to remain a secret."
"We love secrets, Ada," Elladan announced, as if this was some new revelation.
"It is something of a difficult quest we will be sending you on," added Celebrian.
"Quests are our specialty, Nana," Elrohir assured her.
"And, it involves Haldir."
All three were silent for a moment, exchanging surprised glances. "So it's an impossible mission then," mused Celebdreth. He looked to his cousins again, grinning. "Excellent."
