In fact, he knew for certain he was. The last few days had been rough, and that was putting things mildly. He had attempted to occupy his time with one task after another, each one completed with only a minor amount of enthusiasm. At night he would sit on the beach tirelessly playing his flute, a constant stream of mournful notes floating out to sea. For the better part of a week this continued, and his refusal to rest was driven by the fear that she might appear in his reverie.
It was on the fourth or fifth night after his vision - Haldir had lost count by now, for day and night seemed to flow together - that he was commanded by Elrond to sleep. Whether this was due to the fact that he could barely see straight and nearly walked into the kitchen door and then table on his way to the evening meal, or that he snarled at Elrond during dinner when asked to pass the rolls, one will never quite know. It was quite clear, however, during the 'discussion' that followed that Haldir was neither to question the decision nor try to appeal it. Throwing down his napkin on the table, he left without so much as a goodnight to anyone, but heard the end of the conversation in the kitchen as he stomped up the stairs.
"Elladan! Elrohir! Follow him up there and make sure he doesn't jump out of the window and go to the beach. If I have to manage through another night of midnight melodies, I shall break his flute over his head."
"Adar," pleaded Elrohir, "I think he is taking things rather badly. He does not want to talk to anyone about what has happened, and I think he shall object to your treating him as if he were an elfling."
"I do not care whether he objects or not!" Elrond informed his sons. "Use whatever means necessary to keep him in his bed until the sun rises! I care not if you must bind him to the mattress or bar the door, he is not to come back down these stairs until he has rested!"
After a moment, Haldir had heard two sets of feet on the stairs, following, but keeping a great distance. Haldir did not bother to undress, throwing himself down on his bed in a huff. He would not rest, he would not sleep. He would stay awake for the next century, if only to further aggravate Elrond, though what purpose such would serve, Haldir did not know. It was thusly that he was caught off guard; thoughts straying just long enough to make him forget his goal and accidentally drift off to sleep.
For most elves, sleep was not a pleasant situation. Why rest and have dreams when one could control the images and relive happy memories? Haldir had adopted the idea of sleeping from his many ventures into the land of men, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Dreaming, too, was pleasurable. The inability to know the outcome was exciting to him, and in the rare instances that he could safely partake in sleeping while he was in Lothlorien, he did so.
He knew he was dreaming when he smelled the scent of strawberries and sponge cake waft through the halls and under the crack beneath his door. Knew that even as he left his bed, he was still really there. Knew that the empty house, with its bare walls, was little more than an illusion, a stark contrast to the colorful liveliness he had grown accustomed to. Knew when he opened the door of the kitchen and saw his dark haired mentor of years past that he was dreaming still.
Erestor was in the kitchen, standing at the counter. "Took you long enough, penneth."
"It has been a bad week for me," replied Haldir, sliding into one of the chairs at the table.
"You and me both." Erestor was settling two plates onto the counter and was now looking through the utensil drawer. On the counter sat a large iced cake, pink frosting adorning the white outer shell with squiggles and stars.
Haldir yawned and pushed his long pale hair behind his back, realizing this was not quite a dream. On very few occasions had he far-spoken with anyone while he was asleep. The last time had been rather odd, for he had not exactly been the intended recipient, and had been interrupted during a somewhat erotic dream. Quickly, Haldir glanced down to be sure he was dressed this time. Erestor approached the table, placing one plate in front of Haldir, and sitting down at the spot where he had placed the other.
For a moment, the two of them sat in silence, doing nothing more than eating cake. Erestor watched as Haldir began to toy with his piece, flicking chunks around the plate with his fork. "Care to share a dream with me?"
Haldir shrugged. "I thought we already were."
"Of course." Erestor wiped his mouth with his napkin and placed it aside. Long, elegant fingers folded themselves onto the table in front of him. "Although I had something a little different in mind. It regards a certain warden of Lorien - we'll refer to him as Haldir, for ease of remembrance - and the daughter of a lord, let's just call her... I don't know, Arwen sounds like as good a name as any. So this Haldir elf, he thought he had fallen in love with Arwen-"
"I am in love with her," corrected Haldir.
"No, no, no, penneth. You love her, yes, obviously nothing to deny there. But you are not in love with her. They are two similar things, and yet very, very different. It's like comparing peaches and strawberries. Both fruits are very sweet to taste, but you must admit, the difference is huge. The way they look, the way they grow, and the way they feel." Erestor paused and picked his fork up again. "You love Arwen."
Haldir nodded.
"You are not in love with Arwen."
Haldir sat motionless.
"Ah, and that is where Arwen's one true love enters, some three thousand years later or whatever it was. No elf is he, but a man. We shall call him... " Erestor contemplated things, fork stirring at the air as if the name would come to him. "...Smellyranger. And Smellyranger," he continued, despite Haldir's chuckle, "loved her very much, married her, had children with her, and so on. He is gone now, but I shall not give details for I would not be contacting you had I not known that you knew. Soon Arwen will join him, and do you know why that is, penneth?"
"Because she is in love with him," said Haldir. "And he is in love with her."
"I always knew you to be the brightest one of the family," nodded Erestor. "Her decision to become mortal, to stay with Smellyranger, was not one easily made. She hurt many, including herself, with that choice. Still, she would have faded in Valinor had she come. So, if truly you love her, be happy with her choice, for she has had over a century of complete happiness. Though her eventual fate remains unknown, I must imagine she and Smellyranger will somehow continue to be together for eternity. Whatever the case may be they are nearing the end of their journey in our world. You, penneth, you are the one I have concern for."
"Do not worry yourself over me." Haldir waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, and was surprised when his hand was caught by the older elf.
"Haldir, lasto beth nīn. Tolo dan na ngalad. You continue to fade even as we speak, and all for naught. Have you once thought of the fate of your true soul mate if you were to fade?" Erestor let go of Haldir's hand. "If I only knew where the other half of your soul wandered, I would write a letter of recommendation on your behalf."
Haldir waited for the rest, but Erestor remained silent. "So what is this dream you wish to share with me?"
"And they all lived happily ever after."
"That is a dream."
"Aye, it is a good dream. You may not believe this now, but both Arwen and Smellyranger are going to live happily ever after." This comment drew another wry smile from Haldir, and Erestor continued. "The fairytale is nearing its end for them, but yours is but a few scratches of notes in the margins. You have all the time in the world, and I think in the end, you shall indeed live happily ever after."
Haldir slumped back down into his chair. "What did I do to the Valar to end up in such a predicament?"
"I don't think you did anything." Erestor went back to eating his cake. "Look at my situation. Living for thousands of years in the same house with someone, knowing them for millennia, and suddenly finding out one day that you've been bonded without knowledge or consent since the beginning of the Third Age. Quite a shocker, I can tell you that. Still having trouble sorting things out."
Haldir's mouth hung open. "Who? How? When did that happen?" he blurted out.
Erestor made his own dismissive gesture with assistance from his fork. "I shall share the tale with you when I have come to Valinor. It is not one for far-speaking, for walls sometimes have ears, and far-speaking as I rest drains me greater than doing so as I am awake."
"Could you not have contacted me during the day then?" asked Haldir.
"Not with the way you were going about things!" Erestor told him, mildly annoyed. "You barely stopped to breathe, silly elf. It is a good thing Elrond had the sense to send you to bed." Haldir looked confused at this comment, but Erestor seemed not to notice. "I do not want you to fade. You haven't given up on anything before, and now is not the most practical time to do so. You have your family, you are living in a lovely house from what I am told, have a wonderfully cute and fluffy purple rabbit, and there are reportedly a number of very lovely elleths who wish to get to know you better. Do not fret and fuss and say such behavior would be inappropriate, for your pre-Captain excursions were near legendary in days past."
Haldir had the decency to blush before asking, "How do you know so much?"
"Please, Haldir, I have little time left to talk. And I thought by now you would have just accepted my extreme brilliance and left it not to be questioned." Erestor cleared his throat. "Pass on any or all of the information I am going to share with you that you like, though I know you are aware already of some things, and perhaps in more detail than I. King Elessar has indeed passed, his wife is in mourning. I am to travel at week's end with Glorfindel and Asfaloth to Imladris. We are to be accompanied by Legolas Thranduilion and Gimli, son of Gloin. They have further plans to sail West, but Glorfindel and I had sworn an oath to your father that we would not leave until all of his grandchildren had made decision upon their fate, whether that be to sail or declare themselves mortal. However, we also swore to Lord Elrond that we would be sure his daughter would not be alone in her final days, and plan to keep that final vow of service to him. We have yet to hear the call of the sea, though I think we shall sail in time. Arwen wishes to travel with us to Rivendell, alas, I think we may only make Lothlorien before she embraces death."
Haldir nodded. "I shall tell everyone. I think Elrond will be relieved to know she will not be left alone and forgotten."
"None could forget the Evenstar," smiled Erestor. "But are you comforted by this news?"
Slowly Haldir nodded. "I cannot say I no longer grieve, but it does lift my spirits and lighten my heart."
"Good. For that I am glad. Now I must go. I see the next year to be challenging in many ways." Erestor stood up, brushing the crumbs off of his robes. "Be good to yourself, Haldir, I think the Valar have seen you do enough penance for whatever transgressions you might think you are at fault of doing."
Again Haldir nodded as he watched Erestor walk to the kitchen door. "Take care, Erestor, and thank you for..." Haldir motioned his hands in front of him, trying to decide what to call that which had occurred. Erestor stood calmly in the doorway. "...thank you for the strawberry cake," he finally settled on, motioning to his now empty plate.
"Hmm. And here I believed it to be peach cobbler. Such is the wonder of dreaming." Erestor bowed his head slightly. "Good evening, penneth. Rest well."
"Thank you, Master Erestor. You as well."
Erestor turned to leave, then walked back. "Nearly I forgot. I have one last thing to give to you. Verse four of a poem I wrote. It has been a work in progress, for additions are made only when elflings are near to being born." Erestor cleared his throat and recited,
"Little elfling, when you wake
The waves, upon the beach shall break
Little elfling, 'cross the sea
The shores, 'tis where you'll always be."
"It is sealed in my memory and I shall add it to the rest of the poem in the morning," Haldir promised.
Erestor gave another curt nod. "I know you shall. And now, I must go. Namarie." As almost an afterthought, Erestor called over his shoulder, "Please, give my congratulations to your sister."
"My sister?" Haldir tried to follow after Erestor to demand meaning to his words, but found himself frozen in place. The link had been lost, and Haldir now found himself merely dreaming.
Haldir had to be dreaming.
Haldir had to talk to Celebrian in the morrow.
Haldir had to have some more strawberry cake.
- - -
Erestor walked through the mist, out of Haldir's mind and into the shared consciousness of two others. Into the corridor of the hallway he came, and two elves rose from the stairs.
"Will he be alright?" asked Elrohir.
"He will. In time."
"Are you coming to Valinor?" asked Elladan.
"I will. In time."
In a jumble, the twins began to try to explain the past years to Erestor, but he covered his ears and shook his head. "I do not have the constitution you have for far-speaking. You have each other to ground yourselves; I have lingered far too long and do not wish to lose myself here. Soon, I will come. Do not worry yourselves. Look after Haldir, he is a mess, but he will pull through. Now, I must bid you farewell, and ask you not to contact me thusly again. The next time we speak I shall contact you." Elrohir and Elladan nodded. "Truly, do I have your assurances?" Both of them nodded again in earnest. Erestor smiled, and drew them into a rare hug. "Too long has it been. I am glad to see you are both well. Your sister sends her love to you, and to your parents as well. You are to tell your father from her 'Thank you, papa'. He will know the meaning. I must depart. Namarie."
Erestor was gone then, and Elrohir sighed, brushing away an errant tear. "I wish he would have stayed long enough for us to tell him about the other baby."
"You do understand that other baby will be our aunt," pointed out Elladan. Elrohir chuckled and leaned his head against Elladan's. "Come, I haven't had a good dream in some time." Elladan pulled Elrohir down the stairs. "And I have the greatest urge to conjure up peach cobbler."
"Really?" Elrohir licked his lips. "Can we have it with strawberry cake?"
"Please, El," scolded Elladan mockingly. "One always has strawberry cake with peach cobbler."